Wisdom from my walk

it’s been a long time since I’ve dreaded a drs appt. I have aways tended to hate the neurologist, I’m always afraid of bad news. Granted I have faith no matter things will be ok, but still. I am not even that worried, it’s really just the not knowing. I’ve come to grips with a lot of my health issues and are doing good emotionally handling the physical challenges. it’s hard but it’s easier now for some reason, my mindset is different. I think the real anxiety today is over the stinkin emg, all I know is what I’ve read online and sadly what I’ve watched on House. I dont need any more added discomfort or pain, but it could help find out whats wrong. why is all neurological tests are so invasive and generally painful. I think that’s why I hate the neurologist so much. nothings ever easy there. not to mention I’ve lost conifdence in his ability to diagnosis me, but I didnt want to waste time with a new dr. well gotta get things done so I can pick up my referral, drop off the kids at a friends and head to the dr. please pray for us today!!

in a different matter altogether, I had Dean check his flight times for tonight, turns out he booked the cheapest flight and somehow it ended up being for Cincy to Dulles and wont come in until 11:30 p.m. I dont want to drive to D.C. that late to pick him up, I”m sure any changes to his ticket today will cost an arm and a leg. geez…it’s always something right?

on a good note, we got the contract settled on our new house in Ohio. our move date is the weekend of Dec. 16th, earlier if we can get the paperwork done. the end is in sight!

Mountain of God (third day)

(at the bottom of this page, there’s a great paragraph about the song)
Thought that I was all alone
Broken and afraid
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me

And I didn’t even know
That I had lost my way
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me

‘Til You opened up my eyes
I never knew
That I couldn’t ever make it
Without You

Even though the journey’s long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who’s gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I’ve been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God

As I travel on the road
That You have lead me down
You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
That You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me

I confess from time to time
I lose my way
But You are always there
To bring me back again

Sometimes I think of where it is I’ve come from
And the things I’ve left behind
But of all I’ve had, what I possessed
Nothing can quite compare
With what’s in front of me
With what’s in front of me

so we’ve been praying and hoping someone puts in a contract on our house here in Baltimore so we can move faster.   we had been working w/ someone who gave a full price offer but wanted closing cost help, but she was taking weeks to get her paperwork filed.  so our realtor called tonight and said the most recent people to look want to offer us $50,000 less than the listing price.  we’ve done a ton of work to our home and it’s listed at what it appraised for in June, and I know it does need some cosmetics, but the people said it needs a lot of work to make it livable.  I know our home is livable, I wouldnt be here if it wasnt.  not livable, get real!   I laughed when she said how much they wanted to offer us.  granted I dont love this house, but the price they want is less than some townhouses would go for in a few mile radius of our home.   we have a single family w/ a huge yard….argh.   part of me says settle, that we need to sell fast, but we need to at least get what we said we were going to put down on this new house, and w/ $50,000 off the listing price we’d have to give $10,000 less on the new home and wouldnt have any extra money to use to move with.   I dont know what to do.  we arent going to accept their ridiculous offer, but we need to decide how much lower than listing we’d be able to do and still get with what we need to keep the contract on our new home.  i dont want to lose a potential buyer but really, $50,000 off listing price?!?!   and not livable!??!  I dont want to be greedy but that would be far less than market value on this home, in any condition.   ugh….

bo threw up all over the sofa tonight.  he throws up several times a week, I really think we need to get the dr to look into it, it cant be healthy, and it’s getting annoying cleaning up throw up when I’m by myself w/ 3 grouchy kids and w/ the way I’m feeling.   plus I cant imagine he feels well when he’s throwing up that often.

as always, fun times at the mckenzie household….meanwhile , Deans out playing games, seriously I am so frustrated.  did I mention he told me the wrong date for calebs appt which was, well he said for today at 10:30, I showed up w/ kids in tow to be told the appt was yesterday.   so Caleb still hasnt had his hearing checked.   he’s not on the top of my list…i keep calling him so we can discuss selling our house and he said he’s busy, playing a freaking game while i clean up throw up and deal w/ the realtor.  really, I am not a happy camper, and I feel like crap too.   AAAAAHHHHHH!!!

I’m sure you remember, but months ago my neurologist said I needed to see my primary dr that he didnt know what was wrong with me.  Today my rheumatologist referred me to you guessed it, a neurologist to get an emg.   one of my tests came back abnormal, but thankfully as she put it, the numbers werent bad enough to put me into the hospital. gee thanks!   I said that’s good because thats not an option this week, but if she wants to next week my hubby will be home!  we both had a good laugh… so I’m going to the dr on Friday to see my best friend, the neurologist.  geez,  I hate this, but she did say this may be the beginning of the end to finding out what is wrong.   so who knows.   I just want to feel better, but everything I’ve googled isnt good.  did I mention she said I have a heart murmur, mild, once I told her I had a stress test due to an enlarged heart she said that that makes sense.  So when I googled my abnormal blood work results I got all sorts of bad heart related things….hoping they arent overlooking all this heart stuff because my muscles hurt all over and I havent really complained about the sometimes racing heart.  always something.  at least I’m not dying , yet anyway!

I hate buying a house, and selling a house.   This is taking way longer than we ever thought it would.   We’ve been faced w/ either losing the house we want or giving the seller a few more days to make sure that their purchase of their new home is going to go through then seeing if they still are ready to sell.   I dont want to waste another freaking day in negotiations.  Plus side…someones coming to look at our house tonight. Pray they like it and put in an offer asap!   I am so ready to get out of here and be a complete family.   I dont know what I’m going to do about Bo’s birthday.   theres not many free days available for us or our family I think I’m just going to pick a day I know Dean will be here and have it then and if no one can come oh well.    I’m in a blah mood…things were going well with the house we wanted but the sellers really arent sure they want to move so they keep wanting more time, and we want to move asap so more time is against everything we want.   but we really dont want to look at any more houses, that process is a pain too.

well gotta go get Caleb, I guess Baltimore city was one of the few districts who actually had school today.    and I’m glad…I am sooo tired….tomorrow should be fun, Caleb has a drs appt and no school.   3 kids at the dr, sounds great!  🙂

after a long weekend, about 4 days together, Dean is back in Cincy this evening.   We didnt really pack much like we wanted, but we did have a great anniversary.   I got a lot of medical tests done that were needed, should have results at the end of this week.   Please say some prayers everything is fine and that I start to feel better asap!!  we got family pictures taken which was the first time since Zeke’s arrival that we’ve done so and they turned out great.   so it was a great weekend, tiring but great.   I just got the kids in bed, for the first time on time in a while…I am so tired, so I started them out early getting them bathed so I had time to take instead of starting after 7 and ending up w/ Caleb up late again.  so hopefully I can get back into a routine, but feeling bad has made that hard.

by the end of the week we should know for sure about the house we have a contract in on in Ohio.   so far it sounds like our latest move in date for it is Dec. 16th.   we’ve agreed on the price and everything it’s just timing their buying their next house and then settling w/ us on buying theirs.  really fun, this negotiating stuff.  I could so do without that stress!

I cant decide if we’re doing anything for Bo’s birthday or not.  we’re hoping to know more this week about Dean’s schedule for the month so we can plan on him being here for a small party for him but I’m tempted to just not do anything here since we’ll celebrate his and the other November birthdays on Thanksgiving in Ohio with Dean’s family.    but if I start to feel better I might change my mind.   I cant believe he’s going to be two!!

well I have the house straight, 3 sleeping kids, so I’m off to watch tv for a bit til I fall asleep.   praying this week goes by smoothly and quickly!