we go to a big church, overwhelming big for some folks, attendance is about 6000 folks divided between 4 services, one on Saturday evening and three Sunday morning. We first attended in December of 1999 (I know this date ironically because they have a great computer system, you can log in and see all of your personal info, I can look at my first date attended, my baptism date, how much I’ve contributed monetarily, when I’m volunteering, and there’s even a way to view your “family calendar” so I can see where Dean is signed up to serve or where the kids have something going on, gotta love the internet!) We eventually got into small groups, even lead one for a little while. We finally found our home serving on the tech team( a church this size has got to have great media of course!) and loved serving together. my last time serving was a few weeks before Caleb was born. Whenever we’d go back to visit we’d try to talk to one of the leaders of the tech team. a month or so ago we decided we should get back to serving in a role we know we love. It used to be you would serve one weekend, one service a month, more if needed. Now they prefer a full weekend commitment, which means you have to be there Saturday evening and for about 5 hours on Sunday! Tonight was our first night back on the “team”. I was very anxious since I always felt incompetent as was because I had a big job compared to Dean’s and he of course is the one with all of the training in this kind of thing. So tonight we were just there to watch, tomorrow we’ll really be doing the job we were assigned to. As I sat there I was so taken in by it, I love the environment and to know you are such a big part of making the service more appealing to some people is exciting. It all came back so quickly, I thought for sure I’d lost all of my knowledge, but it was there, I am so pumped up about tomorrow. I’m sure I’ll make a mistake or two, but it’s all good. It’s a fun team and the best part is getting to serve w/ my hubby!

we always dreamed of being back at the Vineyard and I have wanted to get back involved on the tech team for a while, but was worried about the kids. it will be hard, tonight was fine, they stayed in the nursery/toddler room. Caleb spent the night at my SIL’s so that was one less kid to worry about. the real trouble will be Zeke, he’s going to be tired and need a nap sometime tomorrow morning , pray he falls asleep in the nursery and is content so we can enjoy our first weekend serving since July 2001 on the tech team.

it’s funny, last time we did this I was pregnant w/ caleb. Today we have three beautiful kids, a much bigger home than the first apartment we had together, and more experience in different churches, big and small. The pastor’s message today was fitting to me too, as I worried if I could do this again, I sat there watching him talk about how church is one where everyone can serve, where everyone is given the chance, even me, the mom of three young kids struggling w/ chronic pain and fatigue, yes me, can do something meaningful and enjoy it too! our church is great, and I love how welcoming everyone is. We are so glad to be here and I’m excited to be serving in a position that’s not really me, well the thing is, it is. but it’s not something i would have ever imagined myself doing, but enjoy so much. it’s fulfilling to me and I need that now, something non kid related, and something that actually takes skill to pull off. praying our kids behave tomorrow so we can make this a monthly thing. I really am excited about it.

for those of you who wonder why we go to such a big church and how can anyone possible fit in, well it amazes me each time we go I run into someone we know. Tonight I saw several people, had a meaningful conversation or two and every time I’m amazed. but the truth is when you go to a church that size you are bound to run into someone you know. just the other day we were out talking w/ the neighbor when we finally realized we go to the same church! but the thing is, they arent all just hi and bye conversations, I really think I talk more with folks now than I did at our church in Maryland. I dont know why it is but I definitely am not who I was.

I’ve come a long way from that young teenager who thought all Christians were hypocrites. it’s true a lot of them are, and I say that because I am sure in some way someone will one day think that of me no doubt. but what I know is that if I strive myself to do the best I can than that’ all that matters. I will no doubt offend someone with my faith as I was offended by others, but the real thing that matters is my heart. I dont claim to be perfect, but I do claim to have a relationship with the One who matters most to me so who cares what others think, as long as I know where I stand w/ Him. right now what matters to me is serving my family and others and doing my best, I’m excited to be in a church where that is enough. I’m glad to not feel judged but mostly I’m glad to be back at the home I’ll always call home. it’s the church that brought Dean and I back to a place of belonging and back into a stronger relationship with Christ, a church that may not be perfect for everyone, but is perfect for us! another important thing that happened for me here is that it’s the church where I got baptized.

As a teenager our church tried to guilt you into getting baptized, I never gave in. I knew in my heart I didnt want to do it because of guilt or peer pressure. I wanted to do it when the time was right for me, not when the leadership told me I had to. I know that caused some issues when others thought that meant I wasnt a Christian or whatever, but I am glad I waited. When we first moved to Ohio together we didnt go to church for a while because of past hurts/experiences. because of being touched several times by “random acts of kindness” by those from the vineyard we one day decided to see what those folks were all about, and soon found a community like none we’d ever experienced. it was there I felt the comfortableness to finally make the decision I had to make on my own, not at the demand of leadership, to get baptized. I still am brought to tears every time someone gets baptized at our church because of the experience I had.

well sorry to go on and on…I just needed to think these thoughts out.

tomorrows a big day, fathers day. Dean’s 6th year as a dad. other than church I’m not sure how we’ll spend the day, I’m glad that our morning will be spent serving together. He’s the best dad I know. he takes care of the kids when I am to sick too, taking off work if needed. he changes more diapers on the weekends than I do. this morning he let me sleep in and took the kids to the park so the house would be quiet, tomorrow he cant sleep in because of church, I should have been up and out today and he in bed, but I was in too much pain to, and he didnt complain, he just did what he had to do. I am grateful that the kids have such a loving father, and know I’m blessed to have such a wonderful husband. thanks honey and happy fathers day….

and because it’s funny, I got him this LED scrolling belt buckle, a IT guy cubicle set and a shirt, that is a joke between he and I, something silly that only is important to us so I wont bore you.