Just sat down and looked over the bills for the month against our check book. On Monday when we report back to work I will need to pay for Calebs tuition for next week. This past week we paid $140 for full time care, Caleb was there for less than 15 hours. That money is gone, never to be seen again. So on Monday I am expected to pay another $140 and see what happens. There is a good chance I will not ever make that money back from this week unless I pay for next week at which point we could hit the same problem and if I work less than 40 hours we are then out $280. I think I am going to have to call and quit. I hate to do it, but we cant afford it. I hate it that I tried it before I figured out it wouldnt work. This now requires me to physically go back in and pick up all of Calebs stuff that is there. I would leave it but he has a bear there and a good amount of diapers that we really cant afford to lose right now. I dont know if I should be foolish and try to work and pray it will pay enough to cover the money we already lost or not. Did I mention I had to $35 for a background check and had to buy some new clothes for this job too?
It’s all my own fault and I realize that now. I guess I shouldnt take every thing so literally, ok I prayed that I would find a job that I would be happy with and that we could keep Caleb someplace different than he was when I worked before. Those parts of the prayer were answered. The part about meeting our financial needs, well I guess I am still waiting on that miraclbe to happen. But in the mean time do I have us go w/ litlte to no money to pay bills just so I can see if this will pan out? I’d be discussing this w/ my hubby right now instead of venting it all here, but he and Caleb were asleep by 8 pm due to this nasty bug we have. Me I dont feel well but I feel an aching need to do something. So silly me I worked on bills and the check book. Not exactly a good idea, I knew there was a reason I was avoiding doing so all week. Guess I was just trying to prove to myself that I could work and make it, but guess just another failed attempt on my part. My body said no after day one. Caleb said no after day two. The bank says no after day 3 and after no working on day 4.
Dean just snores….well for now, his answer will be along the lines of do what you think is best, you’re the one who handles the money. I hate this. I dont make the money I just write out the checks to pay the bills. I dont mind that part, I just hate being the one to decide how much money goes where. Right now I want to do what is right, but dont know what that is. I am trying to think ahead, right now, like today we have the money to pay on Monday for tuition. But come next Wednesday we have to have money to pay the mortgage and after tuition and groceries there wont be the full mortgage payment. So it will be late meaning waiting another week to pay it in the meantime the money we do have sits in the bank mocking us saying see you have money, but if we use it then we still dont have money for bills. It’s an odd cycle point is if we dont pay the bills w/ the money now then the bills may get paid late and then the cycle forces other bills to be later….and so on and so on. I stopped working in December. We havent paid a bill late since then(or before that, but the point is since December), other than Cobra but thats a hell of a lot of money we’ve had to budget strictly for. This may be the first month we get behind, all because I am trying to go back to work thus having to pay childcare. It doesnt make any sense. Going broke so I can try to go to work and make a few extra bucks a week for us. My first paycheck wont come til April 22nd. It’s only April 5th. Between now and then we must pay 3 payments of $140 for Caleb to go to daycare. My first paycheck probably probably wont equal the 4 total weeks of daycare we would have paid up until that point. Is this making any sense to anyone?!?!? Let me just say, dealing w/ this stinks. Yes children are expensive. Going to work shouldnt be expensive. Guess if we were like most people we’d have a savings, but all of that money has been going to Cobra for health insurance and we’ve totally exhausted that money now. We never really saved much but there for a while we were doing good, until we needed health insurance. things seem to be looking good for Dean to get hired soon, at least people are talking about it for once. Tomorrow’s Friday, only good things can happen on Fridays right?? I can be optimistic cant I?
Dear Amy,
Have you ever thought of becomming a private nanny? There are many ads in the newspaper for this, and the family will usually let you bring your child with you. It may be something that is could work well for you. Hope this helps.
Michelle
Amy, I am reading your blog and I see our family not long ago. Please dont get down and know that things WILL get better. Please read Psalm 30 and then 16 (16 is my FAVORITE PSALM)
Maybe Michelles suggestion has some legs, I know a couple who was just looking for childcare. They did get someone, but they cant be the only ones. It combines your time spent with Caleb, a playmate, and you don;t have to buy a whole new wardrobe.
My wife vacillated about working for the first 5 years or so of our marriage. Retail is just a hard place to make a decent wage. Blessedly this is before we had children. She is going to CCBC now, and will likely want to work later, but long story short, the late bills got less frequent, no NSF letters from the bank in several years (except one slip-up, my stupidity).
Please remember that you are loved and Dean will get work.
Can I check around my Sunday school class? Do you mind? What side of the metro do you all live on. We are in Catonsville (we go to church at Crossroads Nazarene in Ellicott City). Email me later if you want. I’m really glad to see that you guys are in a small group. We just started small groups this year. Its going well. Im not a natural extrovert so sometimes the conversation is a little stilted. Anyway, you guys have a good weekend.
That would be great Steve, we live in that area. We are in Violetteville which is a little bit of nowhere behind St Agnes hospital, I usually just say we live in Arbutus. My plan is to get licensed and run daycare here, we have a big house w/ lots of unused space. We finished a playroom to be used for the daycare but after the snow we had some water damage from the flooding. So until we get that all fixed up again it’s just trying to get by. But w/out the play room we’ve still got tons of kid friendly space.