We woke up to a beautiful spring day! We all got started doing our own things, me working on finishing cleaning the basement up while Stace and Dean started cleaning up the yard. (Caleb was playing outside in his saucer) Dean asked me what I wanted to see done today and every day he's asked that I've told him I want to paint the kitchen. Today I was super motivated though. So around 1 we started, around 2 disaster struck. While attempting to paint the trim above the cabinets, Dean mistakenly kneeled down right onto our stove. Now if we had a cheap stove that would be fine, but we have one of those flat stove tops, that you can just see the burners when its on, not sure how to describe it, but it made the loudest noise and when I turned around I didnt even think to ask how he was, I just started yelling. We decided to finish painting then worry what to do about our now broken stove. Dean found out by looking online that to replace the stove top it would be $301 and thats w/out shipping or anything. We figured we may as well just get a new stove, so in a bit we are going stove shopping since we no longer have one. So not only do we have a freshly painted kitchen, we will soon have a new stove. If we could afford it I'd be more excited, but we dont think we'll survive too long w/out a stove.
I said we could probalby, since the oven will still work, we think. And we have a crock pot, a microwave and a George Forman grill so it's not like we dont have any way to cook, it's just easier to have a stove! Dean's big thing was not being able to ground beef, I said we dont need to but I guess he would prefer that than homemade meatballs, but me I'd rather have meatballs. None the less, we are praying there's a good sale on stoves this weekend cause we werent budgetting for a new stove by any means. So it was a nice day.......but I am sure I will be happy, I'd love to pick out a stove, oh yeah, I am going to get to!!! Like I said, it would be much nicer if I knew we had money to buy one!
My mom and I revived an old tradition, we made Easter candy together. Okay, I don't know if it was a tradition for real or not, but I remember, one of my only positive childtime memories, making candy w/ my mom. When I got older I found out she used to do it for a living, be a baker I guess is what you'd call it. She'd make & decorate cakes, make candy, and the like and sell them to people that ordered it. She was a great baker, and still is but doesnt do it often. I have always had a nack with cooking and baking and even an interest in it, so when my mom asked if I wanted to get together with her today since she had the afternoon off I jokingly said we can make candy together. She was very excited about the idea, as was I. I had talked with friends how mom and I used to make candy and they all asked if I'd be making any this year and I said probably but I'd never made it by myself so I didnt think I'd get around to it, especially alone all day w/ Caleb. So now we have tons of chocolate covered peanut butter balls(or eggs as we call them seasonally) and chocolate covered cocunut balls(or eggs). There are delicious!! I cant wait to share them with our church friends, they thought they liked my cookies, now they are going to be knocking down my door for candy! It felt great to be in the kitchen with my mom, we had some tough times as a family and the ability to have a peacefull fun afternoon making candy and playing with my son was just what I needed.
I was just thinking a little bit ago as Caleb laid on my chest sleeping, how yesterday while he napped he laughed. Not just crack a grin and a little laugh, it was a long jovial chuckle. It was so sweet. he must have been remembering how fun it was to play with his daddy. He and Dean sure have fun together, he's got to be the best daddy in the world, I mean, he even changes poopy diapers! (and for the record, he changed more diapers in the first week of Caleb's life with us than I did).
Well, at my two week post op appt the dr and I discussed if I was going to continue taking birth control. I told him I'd rather not take it, just because I never did before and because of the side effects but that we werent sure if we were really ready to try for another baby(although it took 2 years and some help to get pregnant w/ Caleb). So the dr said to stay on it for 3 more months then when I visit him then we'll discuss it more. The only reason I didnt argue is because he said the birth control should start working now to control the cysts from coming back. Meanwhile I am having the same type symptoms again this month and it's horrible. It's even worse I think this time, I feel like I've been run over by a truck. I am sore and exhausted and I keep getting migraines. So either I have another cyst or maybe we're pregnant, but I doubt the latter since we are still using the b.c. I'll give it a few more days before I call the dr to complain. I mean I dont know what we are going to do if the b.c. isnt controlling the cyst, he really seemed to think it would, but....
I am really in the mood for some good old fashioned spring cleaning. Today I got a little done, okay, a lot considering I have to take care of Caleb. I put up this great border in our computer room. I originally bought it to go in our bathroom but after looking at it we decided it's not quite bathroom border and it finishes off the computer room nicely. Frustrating thing is, I am about 1/3 if that, short on it, so I need to go pick up another roll. I never can measure right when it comes to border.
I really need to work on getting our bathroom painted but I cant do much w/out help and especially not w/ Caleb around. We need to sand down the walls first so I think we are going to rent something for Home Depot to make the job a little easier. It's not that big a bathroom, and actually it's the smallest of the 3 bathrooms we have, but the job will still be a pain. That's really the only major project left to get the upstairs of the house really done, that and the kitchen and dining room need painted. But half of the wall there is wallpaper, so we just need to paint white from the chair rail up and above the kitchen cabinets. I bought some flowers to accent the top of the cabinets, and it looks good. We are eventually going to put in lights above the cabinets and below, or so Dean says. I just think it would like nice above. Once we get the painting done the house will be about as done as we need it for now. The basement needs some work especially the bathroom, but we're in no rush. But Stace probably is, since that's her bathroom, for right now she's using one of the bathrooms up here.
Dean found out today that we can wrap his school loan into the mortgage loan! I am excited about that. It's the only school loan we have left to pay off, and we're not keeping up with it. I was so happy when I paid off my school loans, and getting this one out of the way would be great too. Dean's going to see if we can wrap some of our credit card debt into the mortgage too which would alleviate some monthly payments, which would make bill paying much easier, since we'd just have to pay the mortgage which we'll pay either way. But then we'd have to make sure we didnt use or credit cards after that. But we've hardly used them at all lately anyway, the only thing we really rely on is our home depot charge since we had/have so much to do here that we could possibly afford to lay down so much money but it had to be done before we moved in.
Well Caleb's down for another nap, finally so I am going to try to get a little more done. At least now I am out of my pjs!
Caleb is growing quite a temper, that or he is just learning to vocalize. If you take him away from what he wants to do he lets out a shrill squeal. It's so annoying. He never was like this before, so maybe he's just learning to voice his complaints, poor kid, he doenst know we only ever take him away from things he shouldn't have. He is fighting sleep and naps as well. I keep trying to wear him out, and I knew he was wearing down a little bit ago so I thought I'd try to give him a bottle to get him to sleep and sure enough he took the bottle, laid down w/ it then rolled to his side and kind of cuddled the bottle and out he went. I dont even think he drank an ounce of it, maybe a few sucks. Now I have to get stuff done around here, we were going to have company for Easter and I feel like the house is a mess, but it's not really. Stace came home this morning for a bit and said now she knows I stay in my pjs all day. I dont really, just until Caleb lets me shower, and that varies each day. Today I thought it'd be silly to shower and get myself all cleaned up when I'd be cleaning house all day. I have gotten a lot done today but my mother in law just called and said plans may have changed so we might not have that much company afterall, which would make it a
Attachment parenting: How would you define it? Well, after reading in our baby books about it, it seems it's a form of parenting in which the baby is breastfed, co-sleeps with parents, in worn or carried a lot and is geniunely in control of having his/her needs met. Last night after our church group Dean and I were talking about how different we are about caring for Caleb than some other new couples in our group. One couple has a 3 month old and the other an 8 week old I believe. Everytime we meet the one couple barely takes their baby, the 3 month old, out of his car seat. They just let him stay put until he makes a big enough fuss. That blows me away! Especially since they both work so its their time with him, or it should be. The other couple holds their baby but still tends to put her in the play pen and neither couple bothers to check on their child that often. Meanwhile Dean and I are about joined at the hip to our son. The only thing we could think of is that both of those couples are older than us, they are in their 30s while we are still young 20s. The one couple has a son and the other this child is their first.
We don't meet the definition in all of the baby books for parents that use the attachment style of parenting but I'd say we are very attached to our son. He knows us and we know his needs. He can tell when we are sad or upset. We can tell when he is not feeling well or if he's ready to get up to sail across the house. I don't like judging other parents, and do my best not to. But it bothers me so much to see these parents not use that time to bond with their child. I am with Caleb all day long yet I still have problems sharing him with Dean in the evening. When I worked sure I came home and was tired but I still longed to be with my son. I wish I knew what makes parenting so diverse, I mean how different can love be. I can only hope that we are raising our son up in a loving home where he knows he can trust us and that we'll always be there for each other.
We don't always carry Caleb in a sling but more often than not we try to if we are going to be doing other things so that he can be with us. That or we just be with him and not do those things. he loves it and we dont have to worry about him crawling around and getting into trouble. I hate to think that some people might think we spoil our son, but in reality we are just doing what feels right. It feels right to pick up our crying son and bring him to our bed if he cant fall asleep in his crib. It feels right to hold him and cuddle him when he could be down playing , because if he wanted to be playing he sure would not let us hold him! I always find it funny to read the baby books because if I am going seeking for advice or things to do with Caleb it usually ends up being pointless because the only suggestions I find are things I already do with him. Things I must just know to do as part of my maternal instinct. Maybe I'm just too in tune with my son, but I'd rather that then have him be lonely and unloved. Funny thing is, all of the loving and holding we do with Caleb, he still spends most of his time exploring and playing. He's more independent than most babies I know, but then again we don't let him sit in his car seat for hours on end just because...........
As interesting as Teletubbies is supposed to be for babies and toddlers, well it never fails to make Caleb fall asleep. The only thing I can think of is that it makes him sit and be still long enough for him to realize how tired he is. If we're not watching tv he's all over the house getting in to everything. But as soon as we sit to watch it or even sometimes other cartoons/kid shows (sesame street or jay jay the jet plane) he tends to get sleepy. He loves Jay Jay the Jet Plane for some reason. That and Elmo's world seem to be his favorite things to watch, he can stay awake through those. If you can't tell we tend to watch PBS alot, but mostly because that's all we get. We don't have cable and that's the only show with good shows on for him during the day. He usually only watches one show a day, sometimes while changing or dressing him I'll take him to our room to lay in our bed to watch while we get changed/dressed so that he wont squirm as much. Other than those times, like I said before, he's all over the house. Unless we are feeding him or bathing him, we're chasing him around the house. No wonder he's not getting fat. He's eats tons but he works so hard all day getting around it wears me out just keeping up with him. I could use a nap but I better take advantage and take a shower or I wont get one until Dean gets home.
Before I started working at the drs office in December Dean & I decided we would start to have separate checking accts. I've always been in charge of the checkbook and paying bills for us, for 4 years I've done so. But I never had it right on the dot when it came to matching my balance with the real balance, but who does? So Dean would have his to use and I mine. Dean is much better at these things, or much better at anything, if it involves the use of a computer, so instead of keeping a handwritten ledger he starting downloading the acct info into quicken. This made it hard for me since I am so used to using the check book. Not that I am opposed to change, but people have different learning styles, and money is hard enough to deal with let alone changing how you do your accounting majorly. So my acct was always w/in 10 cents of the acct balance, but our joint acct which Dean is in charge of, has been falling to shambles. Right now our quicken balance is negative yet we have money in our real acct. Today I printed out 4 months of statements from the internet and the statements from quicken to figure out what was wrong with it. I found 2 different dates of groceries in quicken but that never went through the bank. Now how often does the supermarket not take your money when they swipe your card? So only thing we can think is that maybe we used one of our other bank accts or charge accts for those transactions yet somehow it got recorded and taken out of the acct in quicken. Who knows. Point is, it's annoying. We think we have money, I mean there's not any checks uncashed out there and no pending credits/debits to the acct so the money they say is there must be, right? All I have to say is that we should have stuck with one acct and the paper ledger. I had no problem sorting it out today but then again I did print it all out and used a good old pencil to mark things off, there is something to be said for good old fashioned accounting.
The last few weeks, as I have been enjoying my stay at home mom status I've had a lot of time to reflect on things and especially things about our home and family. We didnt know if we'd be able to afford my not working, but it's just now we are having money problems and they are mostly just problems figuring out what acct is being used when. When we lived in Ohio, we paid a measly $525 rent for a 2 bedroom townhouse and it was just Dean & I. Now we have Caleb, and a 6 bedroom house that we pay $800/ month for it( but once the paperwork goes through to buy the house it should be less). So the new expenses of a house, a baby, and a cost of living increase would have been enough to put us way behind on things but then cut it down to one paycheck and things should get scarcer right? Meanwhile we still manage to make it through, week after week. Blessing after blessing. If you visited our house you'd never know we weren't doing well financially. The house is big to begin with then we have very nice furniture that was all given to us, but it's so nice. Very expensive and it matches up to the standard of how well we've remodeled the house. So if you just saw our lives from the outside you'd think, for their age they sure have it together. But do we? Sure do. We get by. Caleb has toys, clothes, food, bed and many unnecessary items. We have what we need and we even splurged on a dvd player a month ago. Can't help but wonder how we got this far. About five years ago I up and moved with just a few suitcases of clothes and little money if any at all to Ohio with Dean. Neither of us were holding jobs or had a place to live. I look around at our home and see our adorable son in his cute outfits, playing with tons of toys, amidst a newly decorated house with expensive furniture and can only be grateful for every blessing we have. I am starting to get mad at myself for buying Pepsi because we could just as easily enjoy a no name soda and save some money, but do we, no. We buy the best of the best, usually only on sale, but still. There are so many people so less fortunate than us. Day after day I am able to sit at home and play with my son while single moms struggle with 2 or 3 jobs and finding daycare. We're not financially set in any way, like I said, we get by week after week, sometimes day by day, but we still have everything we need. For once we've established a savings acct, not much in it, but it's enough for a week of groceries if need be. I hate to think we've been married so long and still have no savings or even a checking acct with enough money to spare, but why do we need it? Sure it would be nice to have more money and not have to worry about it, but then wouldnt we just spend it? I think it's much easier to appreciate what you have when you dont have much to begin with.
I am doing so much better emotionally lately, probably due to the shift in weather. Who can be down when its a bright sunny day and you dont need a coat!? That and I think I'm beginning to accept this mom thing as my true calling, God gave us a son and who better to meet his needs than his mom. Caleb's starting to get fussy with strangers, but not always. It comes and goes. But he's also been very clingy with Dean & I. If I leave the room he starts getting fussy. Almost to the point I cant get much done, but then other times he's content to play with his toys and doesnt even worry about where we are. Speaking of my angel, nap times over and so is mommy's free time.
Caleb's first tooth is coming out! I am so excited for him, the more teeth the more food we can give him. Plus now I am a little bit more compasionate about his recent fussiness!
I am so down and the dumps it's affecting everything I do. I really needed Dean to come home yesterday I was so a mess, but he couldnt since he was off last week. I was able to get motivated enough to make sure everyone had dinner, so I made my first beef stew, well the slow cooker did all the work, but it turned out good. I was very grouchy by the time Dean got home, I had told him that when he did I was heading straight to bed but I never did. I had to finish all the homemaker things like laundry and dishes. Then Stacey wanted some chocolate chip cookies so I sent her for the ingredients and did my chores while I waited.
But during that time my dad called, the call I'd been dreading all day. He said the drs said his diabetes medicine is not working and so it has caused him a lot of problems, he still cant feel his feet and he said he has an eye dr appt on Friday because he is having trouble seeing. All of this scares me to death since I had an uncle who died from complications of his diabetes. And it all sounds so familiar. So I got off the phone and just wanted to cry but everyone was sitting in the living room so I went off to finish doing the laundry. I thought maybe if I kept myself occupied it wouldnt settle in that my dad is not doing well at all.
Then I forced myself to be civil to Dean and Stacey and I even made some cookies, although they didnt turn out like my cookies normally do, I guess I wasnt paying attention too much when I was making them, but they werent bad, just not the usual great cookies I make. So Stace was disappointed as was I at myself. I didnt get to bed until 11 and by then I was even more a mess. Dean tucked me in so he could watch tv and play on the puter, and as soon as he left I broke down in tears, I fell asleep that way. When I woke up I felt much better, but I am stil pretty depressed. There's so much going on with my family and my health that its hard to focus on caring for the baby and Dean let alone myself. I cant wait til Saturday so Dean will be around so maybe I can get out by myself or at least get a time out.
I had to take Caleb to the dr, again. The dr said to try using a nebulizer, but since my appt was at 4:30 yesterday the place to go get the nebulizer was closed so our poor little guy had to suffer last night again. He sounds so miserable, even when he talks. So I'll have to run out today to get it and hopefully that will help him breathe better. And Dean and I are still fighting whatever cold bug we've had for weeks. I think we all need a vacation. I am tempted to just take Caleb and go, but I dont where to. Plus that would mean I'd really be on baby duty all day long since I'd be alone with him. Dean doesnt have any time to take off but maybe I can plan a weekend trip somehow. I think that'll be my motivation for today, if I dont have something to focus on I will stay in bed and poor Caleb wont like that.
Friends of ours said they like to take showers with their baby instead of giving him a bath. Dean and I tried it once last week but it was hard because I wasnt supposed to lift Caleb, but Dean was soaking wet and so was Caleb. Is there a way to do it with just one adult around? I like to give Caleb his baths in the morning and thats also when I like to take mine but I dont know how I could do it by myself, seems like you have to have a hand off person to get the baby dry and dressed.
Caleb loves playing in front of mirrors, it's so cute when he sees me behind him and smiles. He's just about about able to stand from any position. He has figured out how to crawl, sit from a crawling position, stand for a crawling position, and it's not even like he struggles. You'll put him down and not even a few seconds later he is on the move to do something. He's so quick. I wish I had his energy! His favorite toys seem to be things that arent even toys and things that babies shouldnt play with. He especially like wires, like phone cord, computer wires, anything he can get wrapped up in while still chewing on it! I think he's getting bored of sitting in his saucer, lately he doesnt want to be in it, he'd rather be standing up holding on to the outside of and playing with the toys from there or sitting under it! Gotta go capture him from his current adventure.....
Dean went back to work today, so it was my first day since surgery that I've been allowed to do much with Caleb. It's been okay, except Caleb decided he didnt want to sleep last night so he kept us up most of the night so this morning I was exhausted and hurting a little. Since then he has napped some, and is napping now. I will probably catch a cat nap in a few minutes too, but I thought I'd update first.
Got news that my dad is not doing very well, he got diagnosed with diabetes in the last year and he never tells us how he is really doing, heck we're lucky if he talks to us at all. But he called my brother, which is even rarer than him calling me! My brother said he had to fight it out of him but he told him he is having trouble not being able to feel his feet. It's scary because one of our uncles, on my moms side of the family, died of complications from having diabetes. I know my dad has health problems and he hardly ever tells us anything until after he's already been to the hospital, we dont have the best of relationships with him, but we do try. And I knew one day I would get the call I never want to get, that my dad is really ill, and it may be sooner than later. He's not lived a very healthy lifestyle and he doesnt take care of himself at all. I always yell at him to go see the dr when he gets bad but # 1, he's a man, #2 he's very stubborn. (wonder where I get that from) He has several dr's apptments for this week so I hope this time he tells us what is going on, I'd rather be prepared than to find out in a week or so that he's in the hospital or was.
Dean & I had our first therapy session on Saturday, the dr talked to us separately but said eventually we will talk to her together. We arent having problems, at least not anything major, I mean of course we argue over money and stuff but it's not bad. Since the baby my mood swings have been very bad and I am stressed and tired all of the time. So I went to my dr and she said it be best to get counseling , for me. But we found a christian counselor who said it would be best for me and my marriage to do it with Dean. Dean doesnt mind, he said he'll do whatever it takes, plus he said he is sure he has issues that need dealt with, dont we all? So I felt really good after meeting the dr and talking for a bit, I think it will indeed help me and maybe even my marriage. They even do financial counseling there so we might do some of that too, especially now that we have a mortgage and only one income, and a kid to raise!
Aside from that, not much going on lately, just trying to recoop from surgery and get back to life as normal. We had a great few days, despite my condition. We went to the park several times to fly Dean's kites, Caleb likes being outdoors and exploring. And Dean and I like the chance to get out of the house and do family things. I hope this lovely weather keeps up so we can continue to have weekend outings together. Well I better grab a nap while I have the chance, we are hoping Caleb's sleepless nights will mean an emerging teeth or two, but it's hard to say if it's that or just all the changes in his schedule lately.
Well I think Dean got upset by my last few blogs, I didnt mean to imply he couldnt take of Caleb by himself, I just was trying to say that I know he must be having a hard time since he is sick and has to take care of all of us. He did decide to take Friday off too, the babysitter is still going to come in the morning, I told him he needs some time to rest himself since he'll be doing baby duty for a few more days without help, unless I start feeling better. I was dumb enough to lift Caleb today, I couldnt resist. He can definitely sense something is wrong but that still doesnt help him feel comforted when he wants his mommy. But he is loving all the daddy time, today he went to the park with Dean and watched Dean fly his new kites. It was around 60 degrees today so it was a beautiful day to get out, but I just napped while they went out. And I broke into tears when Dean said Caleb loved the swing, it was his first time in a swing and I wasnt there! No its not that huge a milestone, and I glad he got a first with his daddy, but it just was hard on me, knowing they had such a good time while I sat drugged and in pain in bed. I've broken down and cried a few times the last few days, its not bad enough feeling bad but I hate not being there for my son or my husband , especially when they are both so sick too. I dont have much of a choice though.
I did manage to get out today though, we went to Walmart for a little bit. I dont know if that was such a good idea though, when we got back I noticed one of my incision sites looked much worse, it is now really swollen and bruised and I cant help but wonder if I had only listened to my mom and stayed in bed....but I hate doing that, plus it was SO nice out today. I hated being stuck inside even if we did have the windows open.
I feel really good right now, then again I took some medicine and fell asleep for a bit and now am wide eyed and looking at the clock to see that it is indeed bedtime and everyones in bed but me. Its nice to be feeling okay but I know that its only temporary, and its not like I can take advantage of this feeling since everyones in bed. So I thought I'd blog about how I was doing so no one would worry. My family keeps calling to check on me to make sure I am resting, and I am doing a lot of resting but like I said I cant just stay in bed. I am a neat freak and its hard to get out of bed to see toys scattered all over and dirty dishes, so I have at least tried to keep on top of the dishes, the toys are okay since I cant quite bend that well yet to pick them up, I kind of have just been kicking them off to the side of the room so no one trips over them. I was smart about freezing some meals earlier this week so we'd just have to heat things up, tonight we enjoyed a yummy lasagna!! It was so nice to not have to worry about dinner, just defrost and pop in the oven. And we didnt eat it all so we didnt even have to wash the pan, just put it back in the fridge for lunch tomorrow! And Stacey made lots of chili last night so we have leftovers of that too to eat.
Speaking of Stacey, before I forget, thanks!!! I feel like I am taking advantage of her being here, but it's been great having her around to help out. It makes it a little easier on Dean if he can sit on the computer while we watch tv and know she can pick him up since I cant. I know she wants to help, but I cant help but feeling like we are abusing her presence, but I dont know what we would do without her these last few and next few days. I can sit and watch Caleb but if he needs something I cant much help. I've at least been able to enjoy feeding him his meals, as long as someone puts him in his high chair, so we do get some time together. But I cant hold him to give him a bottle or even change his diapers since he's so squirmy. I will be so glad when this is all over, but I am sure there is something to be gained from this experience, I am just not sure what it is yet. Maybe it's just to teach me I am not in it all alone, as it sometimes feels when you are in charge of a little one for what seems to be 24-7, when really Dean is here and does a lot to help, and so does Stacey if we ask. I guess I am just so used to doing it myself that it's hard to accept Caleb will be fine if I cant always be there for him, which is a lesson I really needed to learn before returning to work, so maybe it's a sign that when everything calms down I will be able to get a job and feel comfortable leaving him with someone else, but it sure is nice to be home with him and enjoying him all day. So lets not even think about that right now, we've being doing fine with me being home, financially that is, but it's only been a few weeks. But some more good news we found out that our mortgage payment is going to be a lot less than what we had figured since the agent had rounded the numbers up when estimating so now that the numbers are just about set it looks like things will work out better than we thought. Well I guess I will try to get some much needed rest even if I do feel okay right now, after all I know that once I am better I wont be getting much rest, so I think I will take advantage of all this down time .....good night all!
My poor poor hubby, as if its not bad enough that he had to change my bandages and help me get up and down, but he has to be on baby duty fulltime. It's a job I am very used to and despite the countless night wakings I ussually do okay, but poor Dean doesnt feel good himself and is having to tend to a sick wife and baby. I am not sure he'll be able to go back to work tomorrow, he may want to though just to get out of the house. Caleb's cold came back and sounds worse than it did, so Dean will probably have to take him to the drs today.
My mom babysat yesterday while we were at the hospital and when we got home the house was a mess, and it was so funny cause my mom is obsessive about cleaning so I told her I couldnt believe how messy it was, and I really was suprised but I could also see how exhausted she was. I knew she wasnt at all prepared to keep up with Caleb but I also knew we had no one else who could do it. I have told her how mobile he is but its a lot different when you have to watch him all day then just hear about it. And boy did she learn. She couldnt even manage to get his diaper on right because of course he wont stay still that long, but I've got used to putting it on backwards or whatever way I can get it, but his diaper was falling off his bottom when we got home yesterday! He sure is a handful for a baby so young, I am scared how it will get the older he gets. And I dont think Dean realized how hard it is to do either, to do it 24-7 at least. And I think he keeps forgetting I am not very mobile, cause this morning I told him I was cold all night cause he didnt cover us w/ all of our blankets and he said you could have gotten up and gotten it and I just gave him a look, and said oh really. Then it clicked, sure I could have but I probably would have fell over trying! It's been so hard, and its not even been a full 24 hours yet, not to hold my son. Especially when I can see Dean struggling to handle him all by himself. It's not that Dean cant take care of him, he's just not very patient with him, especially when they are both tired but Caleb wont give in. Plus I dont think Caleb understands, he keeps trying to come to me and when he gets to close Dean grabs him away, and he gets upset. I tried to hold him last night and afterward I had to keep gasping for air cause I just wasnt ready to lift him, even if I was laying in bed doing it. But Dean had to go get a bottle and left a squirmy baby with me who just wanted to be with his mommy or climbing on her so I had to do something. I hope I start feeling better soon cause I dont know how well we are going to be doing if I cant do stuff with him soon. But it doesnt help waking up feeling like you got run over by a mack truck.....
CAUTION: NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART TO READ !!
Well this morning I went in for my laproscopy. I was a lot more at peace with the idea of being in the hospital again than I thought I'd be but I am sure that having so many people praying for and with me that helped. Dean was with me before the surgery and we played a game together while we waited for me to be carted off, so that helped take the stress off too. My biggest fear of the day was the waking up from anesthesia part, and even that was better than I thought. Except just like when I had my tonsils out I woke up crying because it was kind of like waking up from a nightmare, I mean I hate drs, and waking up to a bunch of nurses around you and feeling immense pain is never a good thing to awaken to. So they gave me some good drugs that made it all better. I kept asking for Dean and at first they said I couldn’t see him because I just woke up, but I really wanted him to be there then. Then when I was more coherent and asked for him turns out he had gone to get lunch! So I had to wait a bit then made the nurses call our cell phone to tell him to come cause I needed to know he was there with me. At that point the pain had still not completely diminished.
But a little later I was doing much better and had finished off what seemed like a zillion cups of soda trying to quench a still unquenchable thirst while Dean and I played a game again. The dr came and told us what had happened during surgery, they had to take care of a medium sized cyst, not as small as most but not as big as big can get. And they removed some scar tissue from the c-section. But it wasn’t until I was about to be discharged that I realized more that had happened, and I am still not sure why, but I have 3 incisions not just one. I was told it would be a small incision by my belly button which is what I was prepared for, but the reason I was having so much pain is because I also have two other incisions closer to my scar from my c-section, I didn’t have the nerve to ask what that was about, I was more afraid to know than not to know. But I was not prepared at all to see three bandages instead of a small one. I will ask the dr more about that at my follow up appt.
So far I am doing okay today. The hardest part is knowing I can’t lift my son for a few days. Not only should I not but since I have 3 wounds instead of one it will be physically harder to hold our little squirm worm. But he did nap with me (only because Dean barricaded him w/ pillows since he loves to kick me in the stomach while he sleeps) for a little while, I made sure Dean made it so I could see his sweet little face, that made it a little easier on me. I missed him so much this morning and talked about him to any nurse available, he was my coping mechanism I guess, and my motivation to get out of the hospital quickly, and the nurses said I did a great job, but now that I am home things are getting harder.
I am a little upset with the hospital since I was only bandaged w/ bandaids and my one incision bleeds a lot more than one little band aid can cover, but I guess they thought it wouldnt be that bad, so who knows. So I had to send Dean out for some bandages or qauze, hopefully that will help. Luckily Dean is not squeamish, me I can handle blood and stuff but not as well if it is my blood! But other than that I really was impressed with the hospital staff and the hospital itself, I've never been to that hospital before and no one I told that I was going there had been either so I wasnt sure what to expect. After having such a bad experience of childbirth and even my tonsillectomy wasnt a great experience (I was 17 when I had that done), I am not thrilled about the thought of going to the hospital but today's experience was a lot better than I thought. Well, I am impressed with myself for being so coherent , the drugs must be wearing off, which would explain that stabbbing pain....no seriously though, I probably wont update for a day or two, Dean is off and helping with the baby and a babysitter will be here Friday so Dean can go to work, so I am not sure if I'll be allowed out of bed or not. Stacey came home from work and was ready to banish me to bed, but it's not that easy to do, I didnt do it much after my c-section so I surely wont let a little outpatient surgery keep me in bed, but of course it's nice to be waited on hand and foot too, so I may take advantage of it some, heck Dean even thought of using the baby monitor as my calling device so I can just lay in bed and have them on hand just a word, well mostly, if Caleb isnt keeping everyone preoccupied.
I feel so bad for my hubby, his birthday was yesterday but the baby and I felt miserable so it wasnt that grand a day. We had given him his present on Saturday because I am so bad at that stuff, I want to burst out and tell someone what I got them as soon as I get it. I felt so bad yesterday that I didnt even get out of bed for church, Dean went to the late service and left Caleb here. Not even 10 minutes after he left Caleb got up and he was up almost the whole time Dean was gone so I didnt even get to sleep in. I napped through the afternoon until it was time to go have dinner at my moms then we went to pick up some furniture for Stacey, she moved in our place this weekend. This morning I wasnt even able to talk to Dean before he left, I was a mess. I managed to nap some today but I cant wait to hand off Caleb when Dean gets home so I can lay down for some peace and quiet!! I hate being sick , not to mention having to think I have surgery this Wednesday!