Wisdom from my walk

Caleb wants to be a star.  He dreams almost daily, at least that we hear about it is that often who knows how often he truly thinks about it.  He wants to be on stage, acting and/or singing.   I just opened my laptop and the last search done on google was this :  kid alldishins.com  No kidding that’s just how he typed it in google.   Gotta give him credit for trying!! Theres a show in April we are going to let him audition for, he is so excited about it!   the funny thing it’s not even like we’ve done theater since he’s been born.  We were really into it before he was born and stopped just before I had him.   Dean had to miss some shows he was working on while I was pregnant even.     So I guess it’s truly just in his genes!

Bo just threw up all over the bathroom. I am supposed to be at work at church at 1.   I have plans for tomorrow as well and now I have to cancel, again.  one of us has been sick since Christmas and I am so fed up w/ this craziness.    I thought he felt fevered this morning but wasnt sure and he was acting fine.  A little while ago he said his throat hurt and about 30 minutes ago threw up a ton.   Dean’s coming home so I can still go to work for a little bit.   Please pray for all of us!!

I dont get enough sleep as is, and last night we awoke to tornado sirens. It was almost 70 degrees the last two days and a cold front is expected to be coming so it wont last, but why cant it be near 70 and sunny? Is it really too much to ask, to have nice temps but clear skies so we could at least get out and enjoy it, and also, why do tornado watches have to happen in the middle of the freaking night, really I dont mind sitting in the basement all day long, but having to wake up kids and move them…blah…not that we did last night, we turned on the news and they said the sirens were just because there was a tornado watch and severe thunderstorm warnings at the same time, no actual tornadoes close by. around the time we chose to keep the kids in bed, since they miraculously slept through the siren and storm, the siren stopped! I DO NOT like living where there are tornado warnings this often. it sooo sucks! oh well, I guess it’s better than hurricanes or earthquakes.   at least we didnt have a tornado, so I know I should be grateful.  I just hate the thought that we could!

Feeling crappy again today, so I’m going to go without making this a complete whinefest post!

zeke the cowboy,
originally uploaded by Amy McKenzie.

New pics up on my flickr acct. I took the lil’ ones to Museum centers children museum today to let them play off some energy. Too bad I already was out of energy upon leaving the house. But we managed…

Note to self…dont watch strange shows right before falling asleep…I dreamt of aliens and massive flooding (the flooding was probably because it was storming badly outside as I slept!)  We watched episode 3 of the new Terminator show (sarah connor chronicles) and it ended w/ a nasty looking scene and I worried how I’d sleep after seeing it, but my dream only breifly had any alien notion, when as it was flooding in the sky a UFO appeared.  I’ve been having the strangest dreams lately!

Zeke just looked out the window and said plain as day “raining” that child speaks so well it’s amazing!  I cant believe he’ll be two in less than 2 months!

well gotta tend to kids, say a pray the ibuprofen I took kicks in soon, if not I might be begging Dean to come home soon.

Thank God for nap time.  Getting Zeke to nap has been a struggle since moving him into his toddler bed.  Bo gave up naps who knows how many months ago, maybe even a year ago?!  But today I managed to get Zeke asleep and Bo laid in bed w/ me and we both napped for a little over an hour!  I woke up refreshed enough to pick the boys up from school, play w/ them outside a bit and then head to curves to work out.    I’m still not feeling great but I did manage to convince myself to do some more exericse at home tonight too, hoping  it helps not hinders me.    But I had a bowl of ice cream ( no sugar added though! ) and the guilt of it is making me want to exercise more to even it out!  So Dean is headed to the grocery store and the boys are in bed so enough procrastinating and off to do at least a 2 mile work out.  I’d do the three mile but I just dont have it in me, not to mention I already did the curves work out today and I dont need to overdo it that much!  🙂

I made a doctors appt for next week. I’m about a month past due for a follow up w/ my rheumatologist.   I know I’m doing better since last time I saw her but I still have questions I dont want the answers to, esp. knowing it might mean more meds, and I just got off of so many I dont want to go back that route.   the exercise is helping but things are also getting worse in other ways, I know I need a new neurologist too, havent been since before we moved from MD so I’m really overdue, not to mention I should also have seen an endocronologist by now too.  So considering I’ve made it this long and feel as good as I do, comparatively to how healthy I was before our move, I’d say I’m doing well!   but I cant keep putting off seeing the doctors that I need to for much longer.

A funny thing happened last week at group.  We were talking about prayer requests I think and I mentioned my health and then realized I had never told them I have fibromyalgia and that none of the group knows my crazy health history.  I know partly because I’ve struggled a lot w/ this, with what to tell people.  I’m healthy now compared to how I was, and I didnt want to burden new people I meet w/ so much baggage so quickly.  but the down side of that is having to tell them eventually and them wondering why they didnt know and all the ramifications of that.    I struggled a lot and still do with what to say to folks if things come up, and mostly I’ve been trying to live like I am not sick.  and most days lately that works, at least publicly.  I’ve had tons of days lately where Dean will come home and I will “accidentily” fall asleep while he ends up having to make dinner and feed the kids.   and I mean it that way because I dont mean to fall asleep, it’s just that I get so wiped out and by the time he gets home it takes everything in me not to crash immediately. Tonight was great, I even was able to sit w/ him and the boys while they did bedtime stories, usually I’m so dead by that time I am about useless in the process of getting them in bed.    – this only happened because I got rest this afternoon.

I’m about to the point that in the last few weeks there have been more bad days then good and that’s not a good sign.   I was doing so well so this really pisses me off honestly.  I know I am way overdoing things, like exercising like crazy and dieting and trying to do more volunteer work but I need these things for my sanity and my health too.  I hate having to sacrifice so much for my health and I dont want to have to do it, I dont think it’s fair!  but I’m almost to the point that I wont be able to ignore how I feel any more, most days I push through it and somehow make it, but days like today make me worried that the more bad days I have that the cycle is just starting again.   and I am not ready to deal w/ it again.  I like feeling good, I like waking up pain free, I like exercising and losing weight.  I LOVE volunteering at church.   I dont know what I would willingly give up to make my life easier each day, I already gave up taking the boys to preschool and it’s been awesome, we spend time doing so much more every day for their learning than I did before, just because I have more motivation to since they arent going to preschool right now.   But today I had to force myself to do those things w/ them because all I wanted and felt like doing was sleeping on the futon while they entertained each other.

Anyway..didnt mean to have a down entry…just thinking it through for myself and I’m worried but I also know that the dr will be impressed w/ how much I’m exercising and losing weight.  I’m at least doing what she told me to…now if it just worked out that I could sleep better and get more energy like they say should happen when you exercise  then I’d probably be just fine!

I hate waking up feeling like crap….but I did so a ton of times through the night and now I just want to crawl back into bed but I know I cant.  Gotta love Mondays….nothing on the schedule this week except for Wed and thurs which is good, but also bad because that means non scheduled days that go on feeling endless…I’d much rather be busy!