Wisdom from my walk

Saturday recap: we had a birthday lunch for Zeke including Easter egg hunt in the playroom for the kids, church in the evening and before leaving Caleb accidentally dislocated Zeke’s elbow so we had to go to the ER last night.  Around 10:30 we left to head to MD.  Around 3 a.m. we stopped at a hotel and slept some then headed out for the rest of the trip around 10 this morning.    We’re here now at my friends house and I’m wiped out!!  Bo doesnt want to go to bed but luckily Zeke is asleep.  it has been a fun and scary few days w/ all of the craziness of the dog attack and dislocated elbow…but all in all it’s been an ok day.   We ate at cracker barrel for lunch and had chinese food for dinner.   not your traditional Easter but we dont mind!!    hope everyone else had a fun day!

Pics up on Flickr of things this week.  Yesterday morning I wasnt sure we’d be going anywhere since Bo woke up throwing up so we spent the morning at home, but he ended up being fine the rest of the day so we went ahead with our afternoon plans to attend a meet and greet w/ the Doodlebops at a local theater.   It included watching some Doodlebop shows on the big screen and meeting them and getting free stuff!    Today the boys still seem healthy, cross ing fingers, so other than the dog incident things went ok.   The Doodlebops live show was really cool.  zeke seemed to enjoy it the most, which is good since his birthday was my biggest reason for allowing us to spend so much on the tickets in the first place!! so tonight I made a drum cake for our birthday lunch tomorrow.

Some days start off so well…I got up and was headed out early for an MRI.  I dropped Dean off at work and went to my appointment.   I survived, although I am very claustrophobic!!  I then stopped at old navy to shop for a shirt for a skirt I’d like to wear tomorrow.    I got home and we dyed Easter eggs and the kids played while I made a meal to take to a mom in moms group.   I have a big to do list today so I had to make that meal and the cake for Bo’s get together lunch tomorrow.  So after lunch Zeke took a nap and the boys went outside to play.  dean’s aunt was here visiting so she helped out a lot and I had the front door open so I could keep an eye and ear on the boys.  I went out front to check on them and saw Caleb across the street looking terrified and not saying anything but mom and he was frozen in place.  There was  a truck parked beside him so I couldnt see what he could so I ran out across the street dreading what had happened, to find Bo on the ground under the neighbors pit bull.  the dog ran off after I yelled at her and I quickly grabbed my baby and took him home.  he was bleeding but it wasnt horrible.  I just held him for a while before even checking his wounds.  i was calm for a while but eventually I just gave in and wept.  My poor little guy looks horrible and he was soo scared.  He and I just sat there and shook.    He seems ok now and we’re not sure if he was bit or if his injuries were from the fall of being knocked down but he has definite scratches on his arms and legs and all of the kids outside agreed Bo did NOTHING to provoke the attack.  In hindsight I kind of wished I had called 911 just to have it documented and now we’re considering if we still need to as this dog can get out of it’s yard on it’s own.  but our neighbor, who we do know and the kids hang out w/ their kids, said she was going to chain her up and if she figured out how to get out again that they’d find her a new home…sadly my thought there is someone else would have the same problem.   So I dont know what to do.  I dont want this family to lose their dog over this, esp. since Bo is just scratched up and hopefully will not have any scars on his face.     But I also want to safe guard the community in case it happens again so that they know it has happened before.   Any thoughts??

thankfully he seems ok around Ginger, our dog.  i was worried he’d be scared of her but the hugged her w/ in the first hour afterward and cuddled w/ her even, I think he knew she was the good dog and not the bad one.   Caleb is really upset about it, mostly because I think I may have made him feel bad by yelling at him for not doing something , but I think he just froze up and had no choice.  I’ve told him several times that that’s a normal response, that we may see something and get so scared we cant react, but I knew he was upset when he cuddled w/ Bo and kept wanting to be near him and was being NICE to him! since he truly doesnt really like Bo compared to Zeke sometimes.     we were all very shaken by the experience and I pray I never have to go through something similar again.

It was after a rough night at the sleep study lab that I got news I really wasnt expecting.  I compare the quality of sleep I got to that of sleeping at a hospital at night.  They came in an woke me up several times for a ton of different reasons.    I also awoke when a door anywhere close was opened, mostly because I’m such a light sleeper.  they woke me up for the day at 6 a.m. and gave me my schedule for the day.  My first nap would be at 838 a.m. and I would be allowed to nap for 15 minutes.  At the 20 minute mark they’d wake me up, giving you some time to fall asleep.   So I had my first nap and went to sit back in the lounge area to read again til my next scheduled nap 2 hours later.

Shortly after that someone came to find me and told me I could go home w/out further testing.   She unhooked all of my monitor leads and told me to go see the doctor for my results.  Originally, they said if I had to stay all day I’d go back in for an appt on Monday to get the results but that if there was clear cut answers they’d have me see the doctor today.  So I figured he knew something, either it was sleep apnea, narcolepsy or nothing special.     I got a shower since I had time to waste while waiting for my ride then went to see the doctor.   Turns out I have Severe Sleep Apnea.  I stopped breathing 35 times every hour.   Sleep apnea is diagnosed at 5 or more episodes of apnea(breathing cessation)  anything over 30 is considered severe, and I’d say so!!! So I go back in overnight Monday to get my CPAP machine calibrated.  the doctor is hopeful I will feel MUCH better after using it and I am very excited at the thought.  I am even wondering if the fibromyalgia will go away or least be much less severe with REAL sleep.

now the question is in my mind, are the possible MS symptoms explainable by the undiagnosed apnea for all of this time?  I am going to call the neurologist on Monday to see, but what I’ve read online that sleep apnea and MS are not uncommon.  but if it at least lets me sleep better I’m glad I got the study done.  I cant believe I have it that badly and that it took this long to realize why I was so tired.   so it was worth the rough night, I hope.  I’m not looking forward to another night in those uncomfy beds on Monday but if I can leave w/ a machine that lets me sleep uninterrupted I will be one happy lady!!

I dont know how I feel right now, emotionally that is. Drained is the best description. I saw a neurologist for the first time since leaving Balto., which meant a nice long look into my past medical history. Hearing a dr tell you you may have MS is daunting and downright frightening at least! But…since I’ve been down this path and been convinced by my old dr that the lesions on my brain that showed up on the MRI was not of concern and doubtingly obliged his recommendation to go back to my primary care doctor for more help. Here is is almost 2 years since that conversation took place. Back then I went home from that first mention of MS in tears. Today I left the doctors office in a compusure that suprises me even now. I just dont care. I’d rather this dr try to figure out what is wrong than take the other doctors answer of “I dont know what’s wrong with you lets wait and see if it goes away on it’s on approach?” The point is, I’ve been sick since 2002 at least, before I even had Caleb I was wrongly misdiagnosed w/ something else to explain away symptoms that still bother me today. The truth is even if they dont come up w/ a “name” for what this is, I’d rather them try. I’d rather consider MS, instead of keeping living every day being miserable and pretending I can be supermom when the truth is I hurt, I am tired and there have been more days then one I have hand tremors, fall for no reason or just cant get out of bed because of pain. I want to be able to tell people that theres something wrong w/ me if I can instead of trying to do everything for everyone because how can you say no when there’s no good reason you cant do it all?

the plan…sleep test tonight and tomorrow, get those results on Monday or tomorrow if the dr is in and it’s a clear cut answer.  MRI next week – results in 3 weeks.   Oohhhh I just love starting this process all over again?!?!  Anyone want to babysit so I can do said appointments?!?

Zeke’s birthday is less than 2 weeks away and we have no celebration planned.  Dont know what to do about it or when.  I dont even feel up to thinking about it!!   I’m excited he’s turning 2 and also glad he’s young enough to not demand a party or much else for that matter!!

Yesterday I woke up and got through a busy day w/ not only my kids but friend’s kids all day, an 8 month old and a 3 year old.   So 4 kids for most of the day, 5 when Caleb got home and for a small bit 6 kids when one of calebs friends came over too.   It was an interesting day, all of the other kids were fine but Bo seems to have a break down everytime theres other kids here for extended time.  He was HORRIBLE all day.

This morning I am having trouble getting out of bed.   I have a massive headache and usually once I”m out of bed and showered I feel better but not this morning.  it’s one of those overdoing hangovers I get and I am already questioning how I’ll make it through the day.  I am back in bed and the boys are watching Bob the builder for now.  but at some point I need to get out of bed, esp. since Zeke’s speech therapist is coming to the house at 10:30 and it’s early dismissal day and parent teacher conference day and I’m babysitting again tonight.

I HATE days when I feel like this. Praying the sleep study I am having Friday night brings some answers so I can start sleeping better and in turn will start to feel better.   Wishing I could sleep now…all day…I’d settle for an hour though!