Wisdom from my walk

I love my new page!! Dean helped me do it, I couldnt have done it without him. The links dont work yet but we will work on that later.

I talked to my sister in law about watching Caleb once he arrives. She said she will commit to the school year and for four days a week but that she’d prefer 3 days a week, and honestly I’d prefer only to work that anyway. I told her that is only if I dont get laid off, and apparently there is a big announcement coming at work on Friday, so hopefully we’ll know something then. But it is nice to know Rachel, Dean’s sister, is available if we do need to worry about daycare. Seeing as she has 4 kids of her own I am sure she will take great care with Caleb.

I am so nervous about my drs appts tomorrow. It will be my first one that I go to alone, Dean has always gone with, but someone has to work. So not only do I have to find my way and drive downtown alone, which I hate, I have to meet a new dr alone too. I am sure things will be fine, but I cant help but worry.

I think Caleb moved down yesterday, I had all those cramps yesterday and then today my stomach has changed it’s shape and looks like it is bigger. I only hope he didnt decide to move his head up as he has been head down since the very first ultrasounds months ago, now is no time for him to decide to move his head up. But I woudlnt put it past him, he has been awful ornery since day one. He’s so like his daddy! So I am going to get some rest and hope that everything goes well tomorrow at the dr, I’ll write more after my appts.

I keep telling Dean his new hair cut is so sexy! I kept complaining about him wanting to shave it all off but now that he did I am not sad about it at all. I know he misses all that hair he had but I find it quite attractive. He thinks I am silly but gotta love a bald man! Well at least I love mine!

Rumors are flying around at work that we are getting laid off. It’s been a rough 2 days so far this week and it doesnt look to get much better. As we speak I am baking a cake for my co-workers, apparently I have been moody lately and they all say is because I am “prego” but I dont feel moody, I just am not putting up with some of my co-workers laziness and stupidity and for once am speaking up for myself but apparently I am coming across as moody so I hope to woo them with my baked goods, it ussually works! We’ll see. But it’s been stressful on everyone and none of us are looking forward to any news from the “big guys” but we are doing well so far sticking it out and doing our best to get our jobs done, meanwhile we have to lie to patients as we tell them the merger of our office with another has been delayed and no we dont know why and no we dont have a new move date all the while the thought sits in the back of our head that soon there may be no merger or no office at all. So that’s what is going on in my world lately.

Caleb is very active lately and I think I had a few contractions or something today. My back is killing me and I had some bad cramps earlier and I guess they were contractions or something. But I came home from work and took a bath and things have felt better since. I just feel like I am carrying around an extra zillion pounds in my belly and it is making it hard to get around and not to mention I am soooo tired! I am fighting my urge to call in sick tomorrow but if I can just get through tomorrow then I have Thursday off and maybe I’ll get some news at the dr about my due date and how Caleb is doing. So til then I am nesting, I am tackling tons of things around the house that I know need to get done before Caleb arrives, but sitting here writing is reminding just how tired I am already. But I need to get something to accomplished or I know I will be mad at myself……..

Today we got to see our little, 4 lb 10 oz. baby boy!!! He slept for most of the ultrasound and started to have me worried but right before she was about to give up he woke up and started kicking away. It was so neat to see him. It was much easier this time to see features. Everything looked so big! You could his little heart beating and it was neat to see how clear everything looked, I mena you see the umbilical cord and everything. So now I am on my way to buy a little boys outfit! My mom had gotten us a bunch of 6 mos outfits for boys but we have no small outfits and hardly any onesies. I just want to get something now that we are certain it is a boy.

We went to lunch with some friends, it was really nice. We went to a little cafe type place, the service sucked but the food was great. Then I had to drop Dean off at work, unfortunately one of us has to work. But I was glad he went with me to the dr and then to lunch. He had originally planned on going right back to work but yesterday afternoon he made plans to go visit Dennis at work and by the time we did that it was almost lunch time so we went to pick up Ann (dennis’s wife) and we all had lunch together.

Now I just have a few hours to myself then I have to go pick up Dean and it’s off to opening night of his play…….

Dean called to let me know he was leaving the theatre soon, but as he got to his truck he found someone had put a box in the back, so he went to take the box out, noticing it had a curling iron and other feminine items in. Then he noticed a purse had been tossed under his truck. So he put the box and purse back in his truck and called the police. They told him to bring the items in to the station. Dean said he’d call me and let know what time he was really leaving downtown. So not 10 minutes later he calls back….they didnt take hardly any info from him and that was that. I was kind of frustrated, I was hoping they’d at least take his name and all and call and let us know what had happened, now I am so worried about whose stuff it was and if the person whose it is got hurt or if their stuff was just taken. I have quite a vivid imagination, probably from watching too many episodes of Law and Order. So I said a prayer for whoever had had their stuff taken so that they would be safe and have peace about losing their things. I hope they find out who it belongs to and that they are ok. The area where Dean does his shows is downtown and not in the greatest of neighborhoods, and I cant help but wonder if someone was in the process of getting away with something then got scared or almost caught and ditched the stuff in Dean’s truck only to come back for it later, well too bad for them Dean is a good guy and if we are lucky the bad guys will get caught! I told Dean it’s not fair that all the exciting stuff happens to him. It’s a pretty cool story and I am sure he will be mad that I wrote about it before he did, but oh well, I can never tell what Dean will or wont write about, and if he writes about it, I am sure it will be much better than my side of it, since I am only writing from what he told me.

So I had to start taking a higher dose of medicine to control my diabetes since my morning sugars are still pretty high, so I take 3 pills 30 minutes before dinner and one pill 30 minutes before breakfast. So I started the 3 pills tonight, I was taking 1 before dinner then last week started 2 before dinner, then today it’s three. So I ate a salad w/ grilled chicken, some onion peels, and a peice of toast for dinner, pretty low sugar and carbs. So when I checked my sugar two hours after dinner it was 70, which is really low when my usual after a meal is anywhere from 110-150. And for the last hour I have had the shakes, so I figure since my sugar is low and I have to eat snacks between each meal even at night, that a small bowl of no sugar added ice cream would be okay, but I ate it and still I have the shakes so I checked my sugar again, and it is 69! This stinks. Problem is I have a feeling that it will still be high in the morning. So poor kiddo goes from too much sugar to too little. He must be so confused. I hate how this makes me feel too, I am soo shaky, almost too shaky to type. I’m tempted to eat something but I am scared that will make my morning sugar high so I am just going to deal with it for now unless it doesnt go away soon. Just thought I’d share, thought typing might help me not concentrate on this awful shakiness, but it’s not helping, so I think I’ll just go to bed…..

Today is exactly two months til my due date! And tomorrow is our next ultrasound, so who knows, my due date may change. I am so excited about finding out how big Kiddo is and to see how he is doing. Dean is going with so that will be nice. Hopefully Kiddo will cooperate and we will know for sure if we will have a Brynn or a Caleb. I held an 8 lb baby today, she was 2 mos. old but was a premie so was about the size of a newborn. She was so tiny! I told the girls at work that I’m just not ready yet!

They told me I look really good for as far along as I am. Yet my mom said today that she thought I looked big for my dates but then again my mom has always thought I looked big (pregnant or not). I am satisfied with how big I am, mostly because I know it is all baby fat. I still have no facial swelling or swelling in my hands, my feet are swollen but I am sure that is directly related to my standing and walking most of the day.

Dean and I went to dinner tonight, it was nice. Especially becuase Dean had somewhere to be but spent some time with me anyway. It meant a lot to me. His play opens tomorrow and they had some problems yesterday with their lights due to the storms we were having so he really had to be there early tonight yet he stayed with me for dinner.

I went looking for fathers day cards this evening. I got somewhat depressed about my dad, and found nice cards for my brother and step dad and I didnt even realize it but I actually left the store without buying my real dad a card. I think it was a subconcious effort to keep myself from getting upset. That and I was really tired. But it wasnt til after I started driving home and I started thinking about mailing my cards off that I realized I hadnt gotten Dad a card. Despite his treatment of me I almost always still send him a card so he knows that no matter what he does that I still love him, yet I cant help but wonder if it would really matter to him if I sent a card or not. And after thinking about it I have decided to be the good Christian and good daughter and go get him a card, but I will wait to look until tomorrow after the ultrasound because by the time I got done shopping and driving home I was too tired.

After meeting Dean for dinner I had decided to go shopping, mostly so I could walk around and walk off what little sugar I had had in my dinner. A nurse at work told me that walking after eating would help my sugar, but since it is so hot out I opted for shopping as my form of walking, and well it is walking. So hopefully, my sugar will be good in the morning, yet I am soo craving some ice cream, but I will settle for sugar free pudding instead. It tastes pretty good but I am really missing ice cream lately and all sorts of goodies. And it doesnt help when all around me other people can have their cake and eat it too. I actually made a cake this week for a girl at work and I told Dean I would make goodies for opening night of his show, I dont know why I chose to torture myself, but usually when I bake things for others I do it out of a pure desire to see them enjoy it, but lately I cant help but get jealous that I cant have it too. And before, by the time I put the effort into baking something I dont want it because of all the work and cleaning up I do but I think my lack of sweets is getting to me….but alas, I will none the less bake goodies for others and sit back and watch them smile all for the love of Kiddo…….ah, Kiddo , if you only knew what I’ve gone through for you thus far……

My sugar readings have been very high lately, higher today than since I started keeping track of it. I am really worried about how this will affect Kiddo and was getting very concerned about how I’ve been feeling, shaky and dizzy lately. Not to mention Kiddo wasn’t very active at all for most of the day. But since I’ve been home from work I’ve done nothing but lay around and watch tv. And the whole evening he has spent entertaining me! I could sit and watch him move all day long, if he would. Several times he moved so much that I lost my breath, or at least that is what it felt like. So I felt much better as the evening went on, but I still worry about how my high sugar will affect him. I cant wait til Thursday when we go for our ultrasound, I am both anxious yet worried about it. I worry that we may find out there is a problem yet anxious to see how big Kiddo is, which in itself may end up being a problem.

Dean’s been at rehearsal all night, and I’ve had to fight more than once to keep myself from calling his cell phone to tell him how much fun Kiddo was having. He would have loved to watch Kiddo playing. Usually Dean cant see him move because it is so sporatic that Dean could sit there for 15 minutes staring at my belly and see no movement yet all evening I sat and watched him! I think Kiddo knows when his Daddy is around. Lately if Dean talks to him or touches my belly he moves towards or kicks at him. I find that adorable. It’s like hey Daddy here I am !!

We have a prenatal baby listener, and we usually try to see if we can hear Kiddo’s heart beat. So last night, Dean was reading and I made him put on the headphones so he could listen too just in case I found anything worthwhile and sure enough for the first time, since hearing Kiddo’s heart beat at the drs office, we got to hear Kiddo’s strong heart beat with our monitor at home. It was amazing. At first I wasnt sure it was really Kiddo’s heartbeat, then we listened for a while and it really was! It was the greatest thing. I mean we’d heard it before at the drs but sitting in bed cuddling and listening to Kiddo’s heart was just amazing. I am looking so forward to holding our baby in our arms, even if the thought still scares me, but I cant help but wonder what our child will look like. All I know is that no matter how sick I have been and how much pain I may be in sometimes, it is all worth it to know that living in me is a life Dean and I created, with God’s master design and help of course.