Wisdom from my walk

Help! I need some sleep! I’ve been getting up before 7, since Caleb wont let me sleep any later than that, and I dont have to be at work til 11. I have to get my shower before Dean leaves for work or Caleb screams the whole time while I get one later in the morning. Not to mention the last few nights he’s not been sleeping through the night. Last night he woke up every couple of hours crying out, as if in pain. We just put him in bed w/ us, even though we did try several times to put him in his crib, but he protested too much. The night before he woke up around 5, and we put him in our bed, which makes sleeping for me almost impossible, I have no way to get comfy when he sleeps with us.

I was going to go to bed early yesterday but thought I had better start making the 10 dozen or so cookies I have to have ready for work tomorrow morning. We are having a bake sale and I volunteered to bring cookies, and it was originally set for yesterday, so Monday night I baked a bunch of cookies, and then finished making more Tues. night. But they switched it to Friday so I took my cookies yesterday and my co-workers ate almost all of them. So I started the process again last night and am going to try to finish baking this morning, but I also have to go pick up my new glasses and feed and bathe baby, take him to daycare and get to work on time! I hate all this stuff. No really, I love being w/ my baby in the morning. Our time is so precious, even if I am exhausted. Why is it I always try to blog when I should be doing a zillion other things??

What a great evening. I came home to a plate of meatloaf and potatos waiting all warmed up (I made it yesterady so all Dean had to do was cook it when he got home from work) and to find my son all comfy and sleeping. So after cleaning up a bit, since there wasnt too much of mess, which was also a nice suprise, I filled up the tub and took a long candlelit bath. It was so relaxing. But by the time I got done and dressed for bed Caleb woke up. He must have known that I was ready for bed and that daddy was enjoying his puter time. He still is not yet asleep and it’s after 11! With any luck though this will mean he will sleep in for me tomorrow. So we all sat and watched CSI together and just enjoyed being together as a family. I love the sound of Caleb’s laugh when he and daddy are playing together, it makes me want to cry and laugh and the same time, is that possible? I love seeing my husband in every little thing my son does(now I know 10 or 20 years from now I might not so much enjoy that, but for now, it’s priceless!)

Last night I had a dream that I had a baby and didnt even know I was pregnant until I went into labor. I thought for sure as I was having the baby that it was going to be a girl, but when we checked it was a boy and we named him Ezekial. When I woke up it felt like it was so real. I’ve been wanting to start working on baby # 2 and maybe cause we’d talked about it last night it was fresh in my mind, but I think it’s still a far while off, or so Dean thinks it should be. Right now we’re too busy with work and Caleb to even consider it, even though I do often though I dont mention it much to Dean. (sorry honey!) Then today at work my co-worker was helping a woman whose sons name was Ezekial. When I heard him say the name I couldnt help but laugh, it is so odd when you have dreams like that, that seem so real. Speaking of dreams, I cant wait to be in dreamland all nestled in with my honey and probably Caleb too as Dean’s trying to get him to go to sleep by laying in our bed with him. Which really means I wont be too comfy at all but if Caleb wakes me up w/ kisses in the morning I’ll forget all about it, at least thats what happened this morning. Wonder what I’ll dream of tonight….

It was the most freakinest scary movie I ever saw!!!! I never cried so much in a movie and been scared to death at the same time. Dean says it wasn’t a scary movie, sure there wasnt the murderer waiting behind the shower curtain or under the bed, but the thought that not knowing what was behind the door or around the corner is much worse. needless to say I had to refrain from watching some scenes for fear I’d scream even though it truly wasnt goory or scary per se – just too darn suspenseful for my taste. I dont care if I have to watch blood and guts its the not knowing if I am going to have that kills me! Despite how I make it sound, it was really a great film. I had some much emotion and feeling for the characters that I cried several times. It was very well done, as are all of M. Shyamalan’s movies, and definitely worth all the tears and fears! Not knowing what the movie was about when I went probably made it more scary for me, all I knew was that Dean said it was a Shyamalan film about crop circles. The crop circles thing made me not want to go, but I had to go at least see another Shyamalan film. At the beginning, before I got into it, I told Dean I was mad he took me to an xfiles film, all the corn fields reminded me of several x files episodes, not to mention the fact is was about aliens. But I soon forgot all about my lack of interest in such a film as I got more and more drawn into the story, and mind you it’s not all about aliens. I love movie’s that I cant analyze while watching them, I tend to think too much about the plot and such of movies making hard for me to enjoy it, there was no time for that in this movie, too much to keep you interested and too little info to get your brain going on what it could be happening, you had to keep watching or you might miss something good.

Well now that you know I enjoyed the movie, what I enjoyed more was getting home from work at 8:30 and having a babysitter waiting for us to run off and leave the baby with. Not that I dont love and miss my son, it was great to know my husband had planned some time out for us. It’s not often that I agree to last minute plans, but for once I wasnt dead tired and the sitting around all day at work doing nothing left me in the mood for something worthwhile. And a date with my honey always is worthwhile!

Yesterday when I dropped Caleb off at the daycare providers she wasnt there. Her husband said she had to go out and would be back shortly so I left him w/ him, although I had second and third thoughts about doing so. Today around 9 am she calls and says that she wont be there today until 1 or so because she has somewhere to be but that her husband will be home to watch Caleb until she is there. I told her ok but I got off the phone and got so upset. I dont like talking to the daycare provider because she just doesnt seem to care what we think about how Caleb is cared for. So I didnt feel comfortable telling her that no that it’s not alright for her to call an hour before I have to be there and say she wont be there!

I was going to take him but I cant do it. I dont particularly like our daycare provider but I dont have much choice until we find someone else. This made it so much harder, knowing that she may have been leaving him before but we were dropping him off earlier so I think it’s just now becoming an issue because we are dropping him off at the times when she isn’t going to be there so we know that she’s not there.

Unfortunately Dean and I dont agree on what to do. He says he would just take Caleb and not worry about it. If my son didnt already come home w/ scratches and bruises of unknown and unexplainable origin and w/out his wipes and diapers and bottles and w/ unopened jars of baby food that he is supposed to be eating maybe I wouldnt care. But this is the last straw for me. I may lose my job because I called out for the third time but I dont know what other choice I have. Sure I could drop my son off w/ a complete stranger, but then I’d go to work and be unable to concentrate and be upset which will make my work suffer anyway so why even try. I dont know if I’m being too overprotective or just needing an excuse to get out of work, but I think I am being rational about my fear of leaving him there. I mean of course no one really wants to go to work, but I realize I need to. But I guess I just think my family should come before work. I am being silly?

Today was my first day on my new shift of working 11 am-8 pm. All I have to say is THIS SUCKS! I got up around 6 because I just had too much on my mind today, then Caleb woke up shortly afterward. Dean headed out to work around 7:30 while I fed and bathed Caleb. Caleb played while I cleaned up and put in a load of laundry. Then we read together and played together a bit. Then more laundry. Then we watched his Baby Mozart movie and cuddled til he fell asleep around 9:15. Then I had to get ready for work and get his diaper bag ready and my lunch together. By the time I did that and put a load of laundry away it was time to leave. I woke up my precious baby boy from his restful nap to wisk him off to daycare and then headed to work.

I didnt get a chance to eat breakfast or lunch. My “lunch” break is from 4-5 pm which is really my dinner, so by then I was starving! After work I had to run to the grocery store, since our fridge was bare since we’d been gone for a day or five. By the time I got home it was 9 and Caleb had already been in bed for an hour! Then I had more chores to do, including more laundry, and now it’s finally time for bed. I figured it out that I do get more time w/ Caleb this way, since I am with him til 10 or 10:30 and w/ the old shift I’d only had from 6 pm-8pm or whenever he went to bed, so I think I get more time w/ him, at least more time when I’m not so tired. I’m such a morning person and this shift is definitely not for morning people! Too bad I dont have a say in the matter. All I can do is pray that God makes a way out of this mess soon.

Time to cuddle w/ Dean for a bit, if I dont fall asleep first…..did I mention Caleb’s been sick and has a rash of unknown origin that started on his tummy and back? Yeah like I said, I woke up w/ a lot on my mind. A long weekend ending in the beginning of a long week….

A long, long weekend….I had asked off for this Friday(now yesterday) over a week ago. On this past Monday I was told I could not have off. On Wed. someone else in my dept was told she could have the day off, then on Thursday yet another rep was told to take off if she wanted. Overhearing all of that made me realize that I had just as much right to use my vacation time as everyone else, so i resigned to call in sick. Which meant being able to leave Thursday night after work (since Dean had gotten Friday off, officially) to go to Ohio.

We left home around 7 and set out for our trip. We hadn’t eaten dinner so around 8 we stopped at a very country buffet in the middle of nowhere and ate some great food while Caleb got adoring smiles from other patrons. We stopped several more times, mostly because I had to use the bathroom. Around midnight we finally were getting off of the turnpike. I had just switched w/ Dean so I was driving the car when the screeching of a belt started to get worse. It always screeches off and on and as we heading uphill I said a silent pray for God to fix the noise or at least get us there safely. Not even a minute later we heard a loud snap. I kept driving as Dean said it was a noise in the music we were listening too. Not five minutes later I looked at the gauges and the car was overheating, it was in the red. I pulled over and sure enough the belt had broke. We stopped and started several times in an attempt to get to an exit w/ a hotel and a service station, and after a cop stopped and told us the closest one was five miles away we set out again. We finally made it to a hotel, oddly enough the one we had said we were going to stay at that night when we had seen the sign for it on the turnpike. So we spent most of Friday at the hotel while a nearby shop fixed the car for an outrageous amt of labor cause the parts were less than $50. Nonetheless, we finally made it to meet Dean’s parents for dinner around 7:30 on Friday night. By the time we got home from dinner and going to the coffee house and settled into bed it was after midnight.

Now it’s Saturday morning and we’ve no plans and this just sitting around is driving me mad! I sat around all day Thurs. and Friday and I need to get out. Meanwhile caleb is miserable. He was fevered all day yesterday and Thurs. evening. We think it’s just teeth. We hope its just teeth. Tonight all of Dean’s neices and nephews and some of their friends are coming to spend the night here, at Dean’s parents, at least 6 kids, not counting Caleb! So I think we are going to spend the night at Dean’s sisters house. Well I better go help my hubby calm a screaming kiddo. Hope the weekend gets better soon…

My new hairdo

Almost doesnt look like I had a burning bush there this morning!


Looks like Dean may need a new do soon too!

Here’s some more pics from our weekend:
Caleb enjoying seeing the world through his daddy’s eyes
Caleb discoverd this cool maracas at the Indian Pow Wow at a local college.
Then he found the one he wanted the best, and ended up getting it too!