Wisdom from my walk

I’m a loser baby……well call me unprofessional, call me a failure….yeah…I’ve yet again succumbed to my illness and let my friends down. I had a choice yes, but in the end I guess I’m just selfish and want to get better. I’ll feel guilty for a year or ten, but for today….I’m off for my ultrasound soon and then hopefully I’ll come home and nap the afternoon away. If I’m lucky Caleb will nap well today too since he didnt yesterday.

i am so sick of being sick. I hate having to not do things because I feel bad. I want spring to arrive and with it I hope a new season of health for me….but thats a big dream. I’ll settle for my voice back for today!! I’ll settle for a pain free day. Just one day would be nice!!! Are you listening up there!?!?! Please say you are listening!?!?

Sometimes I hate doctors. Yesterday was one of those days. I am having a pelvic ultrasound done this morning to rule out any gyn problems causing my pain. Should be fun, ha! They tell you to drink a ton of water an hour before your appt then not go to the bathroom, heck I wish I could do that ever! let alone just not go to the bathroom every hour when I dont drink a bunch of water. Ought to be interesting. If anything I will go to the bathroom then drink more before I leave for my appt as it takes about 20 min to get to the place where I need to go.

Aside from that my psuedo tumor symptoms seem to be gone, or not as apparent since I stopped the meds, so maybe they were just making me feel worse. The only problem currently is my sinus infection I had two weeks ago and took an antibiotic for is back w/ a vengence which sucks because I’m supposed to do a Pampered Chef show today and my voice sounds horrible and my throat hurts. Figures when I try to work I get sick. This stinks.

Caleb and Dean have a touch of the sinus stuff too, so misery loves company huh? but I cant get over it for some reason. I just cant afford to be sick anymore. Just when I start to be doing better w/ the PTC I have all this other junk to deal with. My body just doesnt like me.

But there is good stuff to write about. we took Caleb to the circus for the first time yesterday. He loved it! I loved watching him love it. He says his favorite was the elephants and I think a close second is the clowns. He was so content and happy he fell asleep on the way home. And slept in his clothes all night!

well I need to get ready for my show or decide if it’s worth contaminating the world w/ this stupid sinus infection….BLAH!! arent Saturdays supposed to be fun!!

my most recent cake creation

and our newest additions to the family

the old dishwasher

Thursday and Friday night our dishwasher kept leaking water. Friday night after making the cake and cleaning up Dean and were talking about what to do with our tax money. we had decided a month ago to pay of credit cards and buy bicycles. at the time i joked but of course if we plan it then something else will come up for us to spend our money on. soooo….Saturday morning I go to empty the diswasher and open the door and a bunch of parts to the dishwasher fell out of it. Dean tried to figure it out but it’s an old dishwasher and ugly as is, so we thought we’d look around to see how much they cost. While doing this I fell in love w/ the thought of having a brand new stove to match a new dishwasher. Dean liked the idea too. that morning we had paid off 3 credit cards so we stuck to half of our plan and still have money to pay off the other 3 credit cards we were going to pay off, its just a matter of waiting to get Dean’s paycheck on Friday to make sure we have food money too!! So we can probably still do everything we wanted to do and have a new dishwasher and stove!! Amazing!

the best part was that we were out looking and of course I didnt want to spend a whole bunch but Dean’s thought was get the best, but I wanted money for other things too. So we looked around and knew we had time to decide so there was no rush. So while Caleb naps after shopping dean checks out the online classifieds and finds an ad for a dishwasher and stove new in box for $450. I was skeptical, wondered if it was stolen goods or something. but dean sets up to see them that night and turns out the couple live in a really new housing development, still had paper street names up!! and Ryland homes picked out their appliances and wouldnt let them get their own, so they convinced their contractor to not install the stove and dishwasher but to install the ones they bought themselves and were now just trying to get rid of the other ones that Ryland homes made them buy as the package deal for their kitchen. So we paid cash and had them saturday night. Yesterday some friends helped Dean install the dishwasher and now our kitchen looks so much better and I just cant wait to bake a cake!! heck people loved my cakes before, now I have a brand spankin new stove that will probably bake much better….cant wait !!! wohoo!!! best part is I wasnt expecting to do this weekend but we did. I know some people dont need dishwashers but I do. I’ve become spoiled, and our stove was used and now we wont have to worry about replacing either appliance for quite some time so it was a good investment, and a great deal!! it was like a two for the price of one!!

well had a drs appt this morning, the dr again decided I should be ok to go off my meds, if he says so. not sure how he can say I am in remission when I still have symptoms. but I dont care. being off meds means being able to try to get pregnant. so whatever. I’ll deal with the symptoms, I already am just dealing now w/ them and being on meds. Soo…I have an appt w/ the gyn friday anyway, so we’ll see what she says about getting pregnant now. I soooo want another baby and so does Dean so this is a blessing to be able to think about it. This time I dont think I’ll call the dr so quickly if I feel bad after stopping the meds. I’m going to try to do without them no matter what. he said I should be able to so I am going to do my best to prove his point, I just hope my body cooperates this time round.

months ago I had become determined that I would do my best to make Deans birthday very memorable for him this year. As the day got closer and the worse I began to feel the less likely that was becoming. We celebrated last friday w/ dinner and a great cake a made and his family was here so that was wonderful. this week as I was so sick, I knew that his birthday would be just another day. but I made myself get out of bed and make the most of the day even though I felt horrible. At the last minute I decided to invite caleb and I to meet w/ Dean for lunch, something we never do since it’s hard due to where Dean works. We had a great lunch and after dropping Dean back at work caleb and I went to the playground. I was also determined to make him a halfway decent birthday cake but it was already 2 pm and caleb just was going down for a nap. so i ended up w/ a not so nice looking cake, well as bad as a cake can look that I’ve made… but I was quite dissappointed, still cant figure out what I did to make the icing not turn out right. but everyone liked it so that was all that really mattered.

we were supposed to have lasagna for dinner, but again it was 2 pm before i remembered to thaw it and then was excited to read I could cook it froze, so after reading the cook times thought I’d be set to put it in at 4:30 and have it ready at 6, but at 5 when I was already late to pick up dean and hadnt put it in yet and re-checked the box for the oven temp before putting it in I realized I’d read the instructions for convenction oven not conventional oven!! it wouldnt be ready til at the earliest 7 pm!!! our guests were arriving at 6:15 or so I thought at the time. so I stressed and decided we’d have spaghetti and that I’d cook it when we got home from getting dean, which as I said we already were running late to do. So our guests call and said they wont be there for another hour, so we could have had lasagna!!! doh!! oh well, the spaghetti was good and so was the cake. it all worked out, but the last thing I needed as I was feeling horrible was all that stress!!! but it ended up being a great night!!! great conversations were had and it was all so worth it.

looking back I do believe I did the best I could have to make it a memorable birthday for Dean, considering the circumstances of the day and how I felt. but who knows. I had a great time and so did he and Caleb and thats memory enough for me!

Well it’s almost time to put the baby down for morning nap and get the kids some art time….so gotta run…. right now they are playing w/ little people….they are so darn cute sometimes…the kids and the little people!!!

this says it all…..

well…..as soon as I finish writing the dr calls, the lab work came back and looked fine. so she said that doesnt mean I dont have a kidney problems, but that the insurance probably wont auth the cat scan soooo ….she said to call if the pain gets really bad again and then she’ll try to get it approved again for increased pain….or some other dx….so now we wait to see if it happens again. I pray it doesnt. that my back just stays fine and doesnt hurt anymore, that would be my dream…..we’ll see. but for now I just want to go to sleep….

I think I am dying!!! no really, it’s just sinus infection. but it’s horrible!!!! i went to the dr yesterday and got an antibiotic and I think it’s working, i feel a little better, but then again I’m also taking a decongestant now. On top of that, the dr is going to schedule a cat scan to check for kidney stones. For at least 5 months I’ve been having severe back pain but it’s sporadic. So yesterday I told the dr about it and my concern that the one med I am on causes stones and that the pain didnt feel like a strained back and was feeling worse this last month. so turned out she didnt have the current meds I’m on listed on my chart and she immediately changed her tune and now is going to look into whats causing my back problems. the insurance company, which is recently given us all sorts of hassles lately, wouldnt authorize the cat scan until I got lab work done, so we’re waiting for the lab results to come back today or tomorrow to see if the insurance company will auth the cat scan, my guess is if they wont do it under the dx code she’s using she’ll change the dx code to get it through or do a different type of test instead. soooo we wait on that, but right now the back pain is under control, its the dumb sinus infection thats driving me mad.

inspite of how I feel phsyically I feel emotionally great, the weather outside is wonderful! my wonderful hubby stayed home today so I could stay in bed, and I am writing from the laptop laying in bed. He opened the windows so I could enjoy the nice weather. He tried to open the blinds to show me how nice it was but the sun was too bright for my sensitive eyes. I’m hoping after a nap to get up and go sit outside for a bit while the boys play outside. It’s so beautiful. I am sure the fresh air will help me feel better. but the sunshine is making my head hurt more…. another reason we need curtains in our room. we have blinds right now but they are still pretty bright.

well enough whining. Dean’s birthday is tomorrow!!! Dont think we’re doing anything really to celebrate since we went out a lot last weekend, but not sure what the weekend holds yet.

well gonna rest while Dean and the kid are out and about running errands…..