Wisdom from my walk

Does history repeat itself? Dont know if I did this to myself with all my worry or not, but right now I’m reflecting a lot on how it’s coming up on a year since I had meningitis. but that reflection is good for me, after going back and reading my entries from that recovery time a year ago I can’t believe how much I’ve whined lately about how I feel. the irony is that in some of those posts I talked of putting off conceiving indefinitely because of the meningitis recovery which led to my being back on meds for my pseudo tumor condition, but it’s been almost a year and we are expecting our new baby soon! it amazes me how quickly things can change.

Speaking of quick changes, this morning I awoke feeling tired but overall fine, and now it’s 3 am and I’ve been up throwing up and having extreme sore throat pain since we got home from the birthday party we went to. I am trying to sleep on the recliner in the living room to keep from continually waking Dean up but I think he’s still waking up whenever I hit the bathroom! poor guy! I almost hate to call the dr and go tomorrow since last year when I was so sick I was sent to the ER and didnt come out for a few days, during which I had horrible experiences there. I’m dreading going to the dr now with the symptoms I’m having on top of being pregnant but know at this rate if I dont call the dr tomorrow I’ll be in worse shape. Have i mentioned how much I hate being sick? I wouldnt be such a mess with worry right now if I wasnt pregnant, but I cant help but think all this throwing up cant be good for the baby and or me! the irony is I’m awake now and I’m starving, but I cant even keep down water so I dont know what the sense would be in trying to eat. well I better try to get some rest, if my body lets me. Just wanted to take advantage of a quiet house and suprisingly I’m wide awake, did I mention it’s after 3 am?? I really do think there is such a thing as pregnancy induced insomnia, but this is more than likely cold/flu related insomnia.

well since it’s Tuesday already, this marks 34 weeks preggo! I really need to get some new belly pics up, but that would mean letting you see how big I am getting! I’ve gained 5 lbs from my pre pregnancy weight and that’s pretty good for only having 4 weeks left! i might weigh less leaving the hospital than I did when I got pregnant, one can only hope! well my belly is complaining again, gotta run!

ok I totally knew Dean was sick this past week since he never takes off from work or worse yet go the doctor. Thinking I had been spared from getting it since he started to be sick on Wednesday and it was more than a day or two past that and he had been on an antibiotic since Friday night, I wasn’t too concerned about getting sick. well as today went on I felt gradually worse, and thats how dean described it on Wednesday; he went to work on Wednesday and by the end of the day was miserable and could barely talk by the end of the night. Great just great. So today slowly but surely I felt worse. I’m now at the point where I’m throwing up and my throat hurts so bad I can barely talk, all in a matter of hours. I hate bugs like this. the worst part is knowing that Dean’s just now getting over it, 5 days later and that’s after taking some heavy meds all weekend, and 4 days of bedrest. Meanwhile I’ve got a very heavily scheduled week ahead and a kid I have to take care, oh yeah, and the one in my uterus too! Trying to figure out a plan for tomorrow since I switched my scheduled day to work at the preschool for Thursday so I could go to the dr then and now am scheduled to work tomorrow, but now I dont think that can happen. BLAH!!!! I hate this time of year. Did I mention it’s almost a year since I had meningitis??? I so hate being sick and add that to being pregnant and things are not fun. Just wanted to whine and warn anyone who’s been around me that I am sorry in advance if in a week you feel like you are going to die too!

Appointment went well today, baby passed the stress test w/ flying colors. A few mild contractions showed up but they didnt say anything about them to me. Blood pressure is doing good and so is everything else, so nothing new really. I finally remembered to ask why I’m so lightheaded she said I need to make sure I”m drinking enough water, which I”m probably not. So nothing new, next appointment is Thursday for another set of the works: u/s, stress test and ob appointment. I hate to have all these appointments and cant imagine things would get so bad in a few days but I guess it could or they wouldnt make me come in so often. And with Caleb things were fine then I went in and they put me on bedrest but then I knew I was feeling bad and it wasnt a complete suprise so hopefully things will just sail by for the next few weeks without incident. I’m coming down w/ Dean’s cold I think, my throat is achy and I’m coughing all day today. I thought I was safe from getting it since he got sick on Thursday and thought for sure I would have gotten sick already but guess I was wrong! So hopefully it wont get as bad as it did when Dean had it.

For the last three years one of us has always been sick for Halloween so I’m hoping Caleb doesnt get this cold because he’s looking forward to dressing up in his costume and all that good stuff. Not to mention we’ve got a wedding to attend on Saturday and I dont want us to have to miss it. Speaking of weddings, our 6 year wedding anniversary is in a week, Nov 1st! Wohoo! Not sure if we are doing anything special but Dean talked today of dinner reservations so with any luck we’ll get a few more dates before baby arrives. We’ve had tons of offers for help w/ babysitting so we can go out together and right now I’m trying to take as many people as I can up on the offer!

well I need a little rest before we head out to pick up Deaner from work then head to a birthday party, but not that I’ll really get much rest in between now and then! I’ll update again after my appointment Thursday if not sooner.

In exactly one month we will be holding our new baby boy!!! I’m starting to really get worried we’re not ready but dont have the energy today to work on the nursery or laundry that needs done before the baby arrives. I’m going to have another stress test tomorrow, I have to remember to ask the dr what happens if the baby fails the stress test. I packed a lot of stuff in my hospital bag just in case. I was so afraid on Thursday that I’d go and they’d find something wrong and send me to the hospital, so I was determined to get a little more prepared before my next appt, which is tomorrow! I dont know how quickly things can change but I’m guessing a few days makes a difference since they have me coming every Monday and Thursday, but with any luck the end of this pregnancy will be much less eventful than Calebs. So far so good, as long as my blood pressure keeps staying in range and my sugars are doing sooo much better! (added insulin makes a huge difference!) So a few more weeks to hang in there, and I am ready but then again not. All I know is that my biggest fear right now is how I’ll take care of two kids and recover from a c-section, but I”m sure we’ll get by. I’ll let you know how the stress test and appointment go tomorrow some time.

after a few more finishing touches:

So that’s how I spent my kid free Sunday morning, making the cake! It was so nice to not have to worry about Caleb getting into it or waking up from nap to interrupt me, as I usually do these kind of things when he’s taking his afternoon nap. it made it a lot less stressful. So we’re waiting for my mom to get home so we can go pick up the kid. I miss him a lot but it’s also been nice.

Of course I didnt really sleep in, til like 9 and didnt get an afternoon nap yesterday either. but we had a good time yesterday. Dean and I went out to lunch then to visit a friend for a bit before heading home to make a dessert for a party we attended last night. The preschool where Caleb goes was holding a party for all of the parents, no kids allowed. it was a nice time out, I ate a ton of crab dip and crackers, it was soooo good! we came home and watched Bruce Almighty, until we were both falling asleep and then when we looked there was only 20 minutes left of the movie! so we’ll finish up watching that later. I think we are going to head to lunch soon not sure if we’ll wait for the kid or not, depends on how long it takes to get us up and dressed and ready to leave.

so I made two beautiful cakes this week, I really enjoying making cakes, especially when it brings so much joy to other people. Not to mention it feels like such a huge accomplishment to get something so beautiful created by non other than me! I need to take a class on cake decorating, as I never have, everything I know is in my genes, or from watching my mom make cakes when I was growing up. when we were kids my mom made and decorated cakes for a living, for a little while at least, I picked up her talent I suppose, and I’m so glad. Today was the first time I didnt need to call and ask her a question about decorating or anything and that was nice. I really want to take a class so I can feel more confident when offering to make cakes for people, and then maybe I’ll consider charging for my talent. My system now is that the person who wants the cake pays for supplies, usually that means the cake pan and whatever colors they want. if I already have a pan then I dont have them pay for anything. but it really is time consuming and it’s not a talent that everyone has, so I’d love to start doing this for “real”. Right now I enjoy doing it and it’s a good outlet for me since I dont have a job outside the home and it gives me something to show for at the end of the day, and for now thats enough! But……I think when I am trying to do cakes with two kids in tow I might start demanding a little more in return from those needing pr wanting my services. For now, I”m thrilled to see and hear people’s reactions to my creations and that’s payment enough. Well I should go get ready so I can grab some lunch, baby B is very hungry!

After a late evening spent with friends I got up early to take my son to my mom so she could take Caleb to visit my brother and his family on the Eastern Shore. They wont be back til Sunday around lunch time! I was more upset about him going then he was. I am hoping he keeps up with that attitude as every time I left him this week he cried. But he is excited to go see my brother and his cousins, and they are going to a fall festival which he is really looking forward to. My little boy is growing up, and I guess that’s good, but I know I’ll miss him!

After dropping him off w/ mom I went to pick up a friend so we could go do some yard saling and shop for a cake pan for her daughters birthday. I’ll post pics of the cake after I make it tomorrow. We had a good time, found a sewing machine, the guy said it’s new and never been used, we paid $8.00 for it! I am super excited about that find! My friend took it to use to make the curtains for Baby B’s room since her sewing machine isn’t working right now and hopefully when she’s done she’s going to show me how to use the sewing machine.

After our adventures I made it home in time to throw up the cup of hot tea and pretzels I had for snack! this whole week my morning sickness has returned and it’s getting pretty annoying. Today was the first time I’ve actually thrown up in a while though, I know too much information! All week though I’ve been battling w/ the nausea and I”m hoping it’s just morning sickness again and not whatever nasty thing that’s making Dean sick. but his is more congestion and stuff, not stomach issues.

speaking of Dean, he took off work Thursday and Friday because he was sick and finally went to the dr on Friday to get some prescriptions which I hope have him feeling better soon. It kind of stinks because of course we’ve got a kid free weekend and all he feels like doing is staying in bed! and that would be fine if he wanted to do something fun while in bed, but he just wants to sleep! We’ve got plans to go to a party tonight and I am hoping after an afternoon of resting we are both up to going. Seems like now that my belly is empty I”ll be ok but Dean is still sounding pretty bad. I woke him up when I got home and he wasnt too thrilled, but it’s almost lunch time! must be nice! We’re probably going to be bad and skip out on church tomorrow so for once we can both sleep in, I am soooo looking forward to it. I probably wont sleep in too much so I can get up and make that cake I need to make before Caleb gets home so that it’s done in case Dean isnt up to watching Caleb later in the day for me to get the cake done. that and of course when I get time to rest I always have a hard time sleeping. Dean’s been home these last two days and while the boys were napping I wasnt able to nap, I laid down for a while but just couldnt sleep, it’s so unfair. I’m hoping tomorrow is different and I can get some rest, and this afternoon I should be able to get a good nap too.

well hopefully my little boy is having a great day and with any luck he wont have any problems at bedtime for his sleepover tonight!

Went for my 33 week appointment complete w/ the works added in: ultrasound, non stress test and ob appointment, the whole thing lasted from 11:45-1:45. The u/s showed the baby weighing around 4 lbs 15 oz and he’s looking to be about 5-7 days bigger than he should be, but we knew w/ the diabetes he’d be bigger than he should be. the non stress test was long and boring but it was great knowing he was ok and is doing great. I only had one contraction the whole time which suprised me because I’ve been cramping and having back pain, but no contractions is a good thing. I’ve gained 2 lbs in a week so that is ok I guess, at this rate I will gain the ten pounds total they want me to before the pregnancy is over.

the thing I was least prepared for was scheduling my upcoming appointments, apparently from here on out I have to every Monday and Thursday, each time I’ll have an ob appointment and a non stress test plus on thursday I’ll have my weekly u/s. So this means every Monday I’ll be there about an hour or so and every Thursday for about 2 hours. I was stressing as is getting someone to watch caleb for my weekly ob appt and specialty appointment, now I’ll have 3 appointments a week to deal with. it’s stressing me out completely.

Today Dean was home sick so he went with me and Caleb only had to be with a sitter for about an hour, but that was after he was at preschool so he had been away from us a lot today and every Thursday will be like that. He goes to preschool from 9:15-11:45 and my ob appointments are scheduled to start at 12:30 or 12:00 so I dont know how I’m going to pull it off, getting him from school and then to a sitter without him having to leave school early or my being late for my appointments. I am seriously considering taking him out of preschool since it’s getting so hard and he’s been having huge separation issues but Dean thinks that is a bad idea. At this point I just wish things were easier. I dont know what to do. of course no one else, ok in particular, the hubby, is concerned with these issues which doesnt help. blah! At least it’s only for 5 more weeks! 5 long weeks!