Wisdom from my walk

Well everytime I complain I try to tell myself that, but today might just be too much. So I’ve worked out everyday this week. My legs are achy and now my lower back hurts so much I can barely walk. I’ve gotten like this before, the back hurting so bad I can barely walk or stand up straight and those times werent after working out, sometimes I’d just all of the sudden have the pain. So its not that new to me, but its been awhile since it’s happened and today is by far the worst! Dean keeps telling me I need to work through the pain and that that means my body is being stretched, it cant be good though to be in so much pain you cant stand up straight. How am I supposed to work out today when I can barely lift the baby?!?!? I dont want to give up but I dont see how I am supposed to work through the pain.

It’s snowing, they are predicting 4-8 inches of snow. Schools were cancelled in most places before the first snowflake fell from the sky. I thought we were set for groceries but last night before bed Dean had cereal w/ milk and left the milk sitting out on the counter all night. Now we have no milk. I was going to go to the store but with my back aching and the snow now building we’ll have to live. caleb said “we dont need milk mom, we have juice.” Smart boy I tell ya, guess we just wont cook anything requiring milk! The boy is playing wiht a bucket of snow I brought in from outside, he loves doing that. he decided he wanted to paint the snow. He’s entertaining himself so it’s all good. Now if I could find a way to hold Boaz without wincing in pain…..

Boaz on 2/18/05

We took Boaz swimming for the first time on 2/19 at the Y. I think caleb was just as excited as Dean & I were to be taking Boaz swimming.

I didnt have a swim suit big enough (or rather small enough) for Boaz. So I put him in this cute outfit that Aunt Rachel had given Caleb as a baby. He looked cute laying in the matching blanket waiting to go in the pool.

Caleb looking like such a big boy on his field trip to the science center

Dean & I have been together for quite a few years now, and I love him more than ever. It’s moments like ones in this pic that make me love him even more. He continues to steal my heart day after day. Thanks for being a great hubby and daddy!

The last week of my pregnancy my blood sugar levels were doing great. I stopped taking insulin the day Boaz was born. That afternoon my blood sugar levels were fine. I started eating a regular non diabetic diet as soon as I was allowed to eat food. Since then I know I’ve indulged a lot in sweets and in my effort to get in shape I have now decided to cut out the junk. Yesterday was day 1 without any sweets. I grabbed an apple w/ peanut butter yesterday instead of the chocolate I really wanted.

At my 6 week post op appt the dr gave me the order to get my 2 hour glucose test done again, I have yet to do it, mostly due to the time factor. I’d have to fast so I’d want to do the test in the morning but need a sitter so I can go. I’m planning on going next thursday while Caleb and Dean are at preschool. The biggest reason behind my going at all right now, since i thought I was doing ok was because I have been doing some monitoring and lately my fasting sugars have been high. They are running what they were when I was pregnant, with meds even. So I’m getting worried. This shows I might just have pre-diabetes. I’m praying its just that and not full blown diabetes yet. You can prevent or ward off diabetes w/ weight loss and exercise, at least I’m starting that before getting a diagnosis that will force me to. I’d love to get my test done sooner but then again I’d love to wait and lose some weight first to see if that helps my levels. I’m really worried but I know that changing my diet and exercise may be enough to help, please pray it is. I wish I couldnt test at home so I wouldnt be so concerned but then again it’s probably better to be aware of the disease then not. I was up a lot last night thinking about things and I ended up having crazy dreams. So this morning I was extremely exhausted. I’m suprised I’m not achy from the work out last night, but that’s good. If I was achy I’d be less enthusiastic to go back! 😉

Tonight I had an appointment at the Y to meet w/ a trainer, to learn how to work the machines and to set up a routine. I did fine on all of the machines until the last arm one, and even then it wasnt too bad. Afterward he said they recommend 20 minutes of cardio a few times a week, he asked if I had time for that, I said sure. So he set me up on an elliptical machine and set it up for 20 minutes. I thought sure fine. Not even a minute into it I was having trouble keeping up. Two minutes into it I was sweating and get short of breath. The machine clearly states to stop when you get short of breath. I made myself go to 5 minutes at which point my legs were hurting and I was very short of breath. I know it’s only been 3 months since having a baby, via c-section at that, but I still felt like a failure. I had done so well on the machines I was feeling good, then to end it out I couldnt do the dumb elliptical machine. I’m upset with myself but then again I”m proud of myself for getting my fat self to the gym 3 months after a baby.

I am going to start attending a step aerobic class on Monday and Wednesday mornings. I am hoping I’ll be able to keep up with the class. I’m sure it will be more active then the one mile walk away the pounds I’ve been doing the last two weeks. I’m very motivated to lose weight and get in shape but I only hope I can stay motivated and that baby allows me to get out of the house to do what I need to do to get fit.

boaz will be 3 months old this week. I cant believe it’s been 3 months already. He’s getting so chubby, much chubbier than Caleb ever was. he laughed today, a really silly laugh. it was so cute! he’s definitely got a great personality so far. He wakes up happy and will lay in the cradle talking to us quietly and wont fuss to eat. I usually feed him before he ever gets fussy about being hungry. He’s very laid back and easy going. He tends to get the most upset when he’s tired. he fights sleep sometimes. He tends to prefer being left alone to go to sleep sometimes, which is a lot different than how Caleb was. there are times the only thing that will calm him down is to just lay him down and to leave him alone. I hope to get some new pics up soon. I’ve taken a lot lately just havent had time to upload yet.

Just a quick post, I’m babysitting my friends two kids today so wont get much online time…..last night I found a grey hair !! I was in tears!!! I have never had one before and I’m worried it’s the beginning of the end for my hair. My hubby is mostly grey and he turns 27 next week, I’m only 26 and dont want grey hair. I tell Dean his is fine and it is, on him. It looks good on him, he looks distinguished. but I dont know what I’ll do if my hair starts greying now. It really did depress me. Meant to write about it then but I forgot.

seems like there was something else I was wanting to write about but I’m distracted, so I’ll think about it and try to get to it later. if not have a great monday.

As I type I sit here with my two boys in a dog free home. Dean is on his way to drop Stella off at a shelter. I’ve gotten a lot of slack from friends because of course if the dog isnt found a home then she’ll be euthanized. I admit it’s not a nice thing to think about but I know that her continuing to live her was going to kill one of us, I’m sure my blood pressure has been through the roof lately and I’ve had horrible headaches as a result. I’m praying it was just all the craziness in the house and that it will get better now that a big part of that stress is going to be gone. I thought it was just me and that I just couldnt handle it but after seeing and hearing Dean deal with the boys and the dog this morning I know it not just me. Our house had turned into an angry place, we were always yelling at the dog or the boy because of the dog. Dean and I would argue about the dog. Poor Boaz has been stepped upon and pawed at by the dog one too many times, we wont even mention the horrible licking on his mouth that the dog constantly did, yuck! It hasnt been good for any of us. Depsite my fear that Caleb would be an emotional wreck at the news Stella was leaving he now sits here content as can be playing with me. I know it’s early yet and he may start to get sad when he realizes she ‘s gone for good but for now I’ll take this as a comfort that he’ll be ok. He’s a very emotional child but I hope that he knows we are doing this for the best interest of everyone, and knowing that right now he’s young to understand that, I know the best thing we can do for him is to talk it out with him whenever he wants. We’ve been talking about her going away all week so he was prepared in a sense but the true test will come in the next few days.

meanwhile Boaz is laying in his new playpen and he likes it. caleb and I are watching Monsters Inc. We have no plans for the weekend, all I can think to do is clean my house of dog hair for once and for all….sounds fun huh?