Wisdom from my walk

I apologize in advance if this isnt very coherent, I’m almost crying because of this migraine and fatigue that’s come with it….

Today is March 13th, out of the 13 days this month I’ve exercised in some way for 8 of them. That equals about every other day, which is a pretty good balance. I’ve lost 2 lbs so far since working out which isnt too bad since I just started watching my diet this last week. I’m now 15 lbs below my pre-pregnancy, 27 lbs less the weight I was the week I delivered Boaz. That’s pretty good if I say so myself. The down side of this is my wardrobe, while most new moms are upset their pre-pregnancy clothes dont fit because they are too tight mine is the opposite, my clothes are too big. I admit my clothes were a bit baggy to start with, so now they are quite big and make me look way fatter than I am. The only shirts I have that fit nice are from my summer stash, short sleeve. so I’ve tried to pair them w/ the too big sweaters. This morning I didnt want to leave the house since I couldnt find anything decent to wear. I ended up going through bins in the basement and finding a skirt that I haven worn in a long time, it’s 2 sizes down from my norm, or what I wore pre-pregnancy. I’m glad but I dont want to go out and by new clothes since I hope to lose more weight working out and I’m also afraid I’ll gain it all back, although if I keep up these eating habits and exercise it will be hard to gain it back that soon. I told Dean I cant wait for summer because most of my shorts will fit me, some will no doubt be too big but I had some smaller size shorts that should do. Until then I’m stuck w/ one pair of jeans that fits well and the rest are way too big. I may go shopping this week so I have another good pair of pants since we’ll be going away for Easter and I am embarassed to go out looking so sloppy here and I dont want to look that bad when we go away.

Not the best pic, but it shows that my pants are definitely too big!

Today I am/was planning to go do my strength training at the gym but yet again have been hit w/ a killer migraine. I get them if I work out and now I’m getting them even when I dont. About 7 or 8 weeks post partum I went to my neurologist and he wanted me to stop nursing to start migraine meds, before the appt dean and I talked and I had decided I would be willing to give up nursing to get rid of the headaches. After I left the appointment I worried about that and decided to try to give nursing more of a chance and the weeks that followed ended up being migraine free so it hadnt been an issue. These last 4 weeks, oddly enough once I started exercising and trying to take care of myself, the migraines have come back, and with a vengeance. i’m now at the point where I’m on the verge of calling my family dr to discuss nursing and taking meds for the migraines. I really dont want to do this but i am starting to be unable to function as a result of the headaches. For some reason the headaches affect my ability to hear, or rather to comprehend. Dean will be talking to me or asking me to do something and I just cant grasp what he wants. I will completely ignore Caleb’s request for things and not realize it. It’s like my brain freezes up when I have a migraine. It’s getting really bad and I hate it. I’m grateful that not all of these migraines include nausea as they used to, but these headaches are much more painful than the ones I used to get. It’s definitely a different headache than I used to get and I dont know how to deal with them. Some days tylenol does the trick other times all I can do is lay down and sleep it off, sometimes I’ll try that and still awaken w/ a headache. I hate to think this will keep me from working out today but I dont know if I can make myself work through the pain, especially when it’s affecting my ability to think clearly. I’ve read that nursing can trigger migraines, what a horrible thought, that what I’m doing for my son is hurting me. I try not to think that but I did just finish nursing boaz when this headache started. I want to figure out the triggers but anymore it seems everything triggers them. I need to get going, caleb needs me. Dean and Boaz are napping, I’m hoping I can nap when Dean gets up so that I might be up for my work out before the gym closes today. I’ll settle for the headache going away and not working out at the gym if I can at least do my work out tape here, but that headache has to go away first.

Oh yeah, Happy Belated Birthday karen! I didnt get time to come on here yesterday to say it then!

I may be losing weight, but this boy sure is gaining!!

OMG! can someone please tell me why my 3 1/2 year old has turned into a whine pot. You’d think he was a girl he’s so freaking weepy and emotional. Any little thing is making him have fits of crying, its getting to be quite annoying. Only thing I can think that its delayed reaction to the dog being gone and he doesnt know that that is why he’s upset, so everything is making him sad. At the moment he’s just crying for daddy because of course I’m mean for telling him no. I’m going to lose it. Meanwhile Bo hasnt napped all morning and when I tried to put him in his crib to let him go to sleep on his own he cried for a long time so I gave in and nursed him and he fell asleep, again once I put him down he was wide awake. I’m trying to ignore the fussy kid but he still wont stop having a fit. Goodness this is driving me nuts!!! now he’s screaming he misses his daddy at work, I always reply that I miss him too and wish he was here, especially at times when all the boy wants is his daddy. I am SO glad it’s Friday!!

By an act of God no doubt, I passed my glucose test. So who knows why my fasting sugars were up while I checked at home, and I guess it wont matter. Now if I can figure out how to get rid of these migraines without having to stop nursing to take meds…..

*edited* Well, to add to the migraine thing, Boaz woke me up around 4:30 a.m., which isnt too bad since he went to sleep around 9:15 p.m. He nursed then went back to sleep, leaving me wide awake with a migraine. So I figured since I was up I’d go work out early while everyone slept, the gym opens at 5:30. Well I did that, which only irriated my headache. I stayed up still and Caleb woke up shortly after my return home. I showered and was ready for the day before Boaz was awake so that was nice. Caleb has preschool and I thought I’d nap w/ Boaz then but realized I hadnt been to the grocery store all week and we were in need of food so we went to the store then came home to unload and nurse before heading back to get Caleb. By the time we got home and had lunch I was ready to crash, tired and complete w/ a full blown migraine. I managed through lunch and felt a little better. A friend came to visit for a while which was nice, after which I prayed both boys and I could nap. Well my keeping Boaz awake worked and we all slept, for 2.5 hours!! Caleb woke up about an hour into our nap and I convinced him to lay with me and Bo and we slept the rest of the time. Finally I dont have a headache!!! Now if I can just keep it away the rest of the day. Now I’m late making dinner but it’s not a bad tradeoff, sleeping away a headache is much more important! If only I could do that every time one of these killer migraines strikes. Somehow I never got headaches this bad before kids, what a cruel joke, getting hit with something so hard to deal with after you wont be able to rest anymore.

When Caleb was an infant I cant remember what our days were like. I barely remember much from the first year of Caleb’s life as far as what our routine was if any. I didnt go to work until he was about a year old and then only off and on til we finally decided I’d stay home full time with him and at that point he was 2 I think. Since his infant days I’ve strived to do a lot with him, keep him busy doing something. Over the last few years my health has made that hard at times and while he came to expect the busy-ness of our days I’ve had to slow it down and I feel like he’s suffering becuase of it. We still get out of the house more than some sahm’s I know but I worry about how much tv he’s watching but with the baby now it’s harder to keep him away from it. I mean I know he’s doing ok, he has school two mornings a week, days when there’s not school we will go to the park(weather permitting) or to a mall w/ a playground of just out shopping. Today we went swimming, and that’s something I think we’ll start to do every Wednesday before lunch. Our weekends tend to be very full lately.

Amongst all of this I wonder how Boaz is keeping up and if I’ll be able to keep up this pace when he gets more mobile. I managed to babysit and take care of 3 kids before Bo so I’m sure I’ll be able to handle it, but I am afraid I dont do as much with Boaz as I should. Most of this is becuase i just got done reading on the Nov. 2004 playgroup for babies who were born then and the moms were all talking how they never put the baby down, how they dont get a shower until hubby is home at night blah blah blah. I get a shower almost every day, and most days before noon. I figure I would let caleb alone before boaz to shower so nothings changed with him, so I shower either when Boaz naps or I put him in his bouncy set in the bathroom with me and I play peek-a-boo with the shower curtain throughout my shower, which he laughs at and he is fine in the chair while I dress and do my hair too. I guess things are different when you have two kids, but I feel like if I hold Boaz all day then I”ll never do anything with or for Caleb and that’s not fair. Luckily I guess for me I’ve got an independent baby who sometimes prefers to just lay on the floor and look around at everything as opposed to my holding him. If he’s been fed, changed and is still fussy as I hold him and isnt tired then when I lay him down he laughs and plays by himself. It’s odd because caleb liked to be held, Boaz is much more of a loner. He will socialize with you as he lays on the floor or the seat next to you, and often he’ll laugh and talk more like this then if you hold him and try to interact with him. Maybe he’s like his momma and the phsyical closeness of nursing is all he needs and more than that is too much contact. I feel sometimes like that’s why I tend to hold him less, I feel like after a nursing session I need a break from holding him, not for him but for my preference. I know he is my baby and I love to be close to him, but I’m not used to nursing and for me it’s a lot more closeness than I’m used to in my day so I’m glad boaz doesnt require as much holding as other babies, but I worry sometimes if I dont hold him enough. I guess the best way to know is that he’s a happy baby. he loves to be held yet he loves to be left alone. He is a content child, and I’m grateful for that. I love both my boys and I’m finding that I can give both of them one on one time, Caleb gets my mornings while Boaz naps and Boaz gets my afternoons while Caleb naps(and of course all the times when I nurse him). Now if I could find a way to get one on one time w/ my hubby then I’d be a happy woman!

I was good and worked out at the gym last night while Dean and Caleb swam in the pool there. Boaz hung out in the childcare room, he did ok but by the end was getting fussy. Today I took Caleb swimming at the pool and left Boaz again, once again he was fine until the end of the hour. I feel bad leaving him but it’s a good way to give me one on one time with Caleb. Boaz never has been left for a long period of time w/ a sitter since he is nursing so I figure if I get an hour break every now and then it’s good for me and for him so he gets used to other people. I enjoyed swimming with Caleb, he loves the pool. It’s nice having that option for something to do during the day with him even when it’s cold out. That combined with my step aerobic class and the gym has made it worth the membership. I didnt make it to my step class this morning becuase Boaz woke up at a different time then usual and threw me off of my schedule, not to mention I woke up w/ a migraine and working out makes it worse so I just stayed in my warm bed. It’s too freaking cold out, another reason I wasnt too motivated to go to step class this morning.

I got on the scale at the gym today and it read 5 bls less than it did last week, I dont really believe it but I’ll get on a different scale tomorrow to double check. It had to be wrong, it would be nice if it were right but chances are I havent lost 5 lbs in a week, unless this exercising 5-6 times a week is helping, and it really should be. I feel so good after exercising, I like it, suprisingly. I dont like having to do it in a room full of people I dont know but oh well, it’ll be worth the weight loss and toning. Speaking of exercising, I need to get the kid down for a nap so I can do a workout of some sort this afternoon. Fun stuff, this exercising every day. I dont know what I did with my time before I exercised. I think watch tv because I’ve watched a lot less tv since starting my exercise program. me + e xercise – tv= A less “rounded” individual! 😉

We spent most of yesterday outside, then last night the boys and I had to go to a preschool meeting. While there there was talk of snow today. I thought they were making jokes since we hadnt had school a lot lately due to snow. Then I found out they were serious. I went out last night without a coat, it was 70 degrees out then. This morning when I woke up it was 59 degrees but the newscast was still calling for snow. I thought they had to be wrong and left to take the kid to school in a little sweater, by the time we got there it was snowing hard and the temps were dropping fast. I got home and contemplated several times going back to get him because the snow was coming down so hard and was starting to lay on the ground. I was all pumped about the warm weather yesterday and was hopeful that it would stay that way, meanwhile today it’s freakin 20 degrees and we’re expecting snow all day.

In other news, well there is none. We’ve been really busy lately but nothing worth blogging about really. I was going to go to the gym today while Caleb was at preschool, no correction I did go to the gym. But there were 16 kids and only 2 adults so with Boaz and the other three kids that showed up when I got there they weren’t staffed enough for me to stay. So that was a bummer. Instead I came home and showered and hung out with Bo. Hopefully tonight I’ll get to work out after Dean gets home, I want him to work out with me but if he’s still sick he probably wont. I asked the lady at the gym if mornings were always this busy and she said it depends. I was hoping to start going every tues/thurs while Caleb is in school to work out but I guess not if it’s that busy all of the time. I will more than likely start going after Bo’s 5:30 feeding since the gym opens that early. that way getting up that early for my mon/wed step class doesnt bother me since I”ll be getting up that early every day. I need to lose a good 45 lbs to be where I’ll be healthier and happy with myself. I’m 13 lbs below my pre-pregnancy so that is good but I need to lose more since I was oveweight to begin with. All of my jeans are now too big for me, two pairs are amazingly big, I need to get Dean to take a pic, I could be a weight loss ad with how big they are, but I’m still overweight but I guess losing anything is better than losing none. I’m motivated right now to lose more so that’s good, if I could just get over my chocolate addiction I’m sure I’d lose a lot quicker! I figure if I work out at least 3 times a week I’m doing better than before I didnt work out at all, but I really want to be able to exercise every day even if one or two days is just following a work out tape at home during the kids naps. The weight training isnt so hard, it’s the cardio machines that kill me. I’m able to keep up with the step class as long as I slow down when my migraine starts. Yesterday I just marched in place for a little while because I was starting to see spots and my head was killing me. I keep meaning to talk to the instructor about what I should do when that happens. It seemed to work though, slowing down the pace a bit when I felt the headache starting. I still left the gym with a headache but it wasnt as bad as the one I had last time when I just worked through the headache.

It’s spring, well at least it feels like it for once. It’s 63 degrees out and the sunshine is shining. I took the boys for a walk to the park, despite Bo’s protest before we left. He fell asleep while we walked but awoke after Caleb and I played for a bit at the park. We walked home the long way and then stayed outside writing on the driveway with chalk and blowing bubbles(Caleb chased them, I blew them) Dean is home from work sick, he spent the night in the bathroom. he’s really sick. I tried to get him to come outside and read a book but he didnt feel up to it. it’s beautiful out and I hate that he cant enjoy it. We opened a window or two to air the house out. I need to clean up but I’m not very motivated to. Hope eveyrones enjoying this great weather!