Wisdom from my walk

Introducing Ezekiel Reese McKenzie
3/23/06 – 6.75 lbs and 18″ long.

Amy will update this later…

my dr called, my uric acid level was high, not as high as in the past but she thinks it would have been had they checked it a few days earlier.    so the good is that I only need to take one med instead of two and should be ok in a day or two pain wise!   We’ll see what the ob says tomorrow about all of it.   still having some high glucose levels and other dr raised my morning insulin again, so we’ll see how that goes tomorrow.

didnt take Bo to the dr because he is acting ok and after some cold meds seems to be somewhat better.  Will put off his vaccines until he is 100% or as close to it as possible.  both he and I have belly aches today though, so hoping its just something we ate and not a stomach bug again.

I got caleb some shoes on clearance at Walmart for $3!    they light up so he’s a happy camper, I love getting a good deal!  I was sad they didnt have any in Bo’s size, they had a ton of clearance shoes though it was crazy.  I just couldnt find any in a size and price for Bo that I was willing to pay with our limited funds this week.    Today was the first time I shopped alone w/ Bo at Walmart that I didnt end up holding him and pushing the cart.  he did so much better than he has in the past.  Dont know if it was because I took a different toy to occupy him or because he’s , please God please, outgrowing his need to fight sitting in the cart.    for months he has done just as his brother did at this age and refuses to be strapped into the cart seat.   at the grocery store at least some places have the car carts which he is fine it, but at other stores I usually end up trying to hold him, push the cart and shop.    and being so pregnant it’s hard and painful to have to do that.   so I was very grateful he behaved for once today at the store.   To reward him I got him a medium sized bouncy ball, they had those huge ones and once he saw the thing full of them went nuts, I opted for a smaller one since it’s not warm enough yet to go out side and play with that kind and I dont want them destroying the house with it.  Caleb loved balls like that too and I think every trip to walmart w/ him at about this age and older we had to get a new one since we’d leave them outside and they’d deflate.   it’s cute to watch Caleb and bo playing with it together.  Caleb really is a great big brother and has been so helpful sometimes with Boaz.   I only hope having to compete w/ bo and a baby doesnt affect him too much.  It’s easier for me to devote time to caleb once he’s home from school since I Know I get lots of time alone w/ Bo all day and Bo plays so well independently.  so really they both get attention it’s just hard since Caleb’s at school all day, I can never make up for that time he’s away but I think he benefits from being in school more than he would from being home all day w/ Bo and I.

my only thought for today, only 16 days til Baby # 3 is here, at latest!!   the closer it gets the more anxious I become. dont know how I am going to manage the adjustment to a mom to 3 boys!  not to mention 2 in diapers.  I hope God knew what he was doing when he created this little guy when he did.  We thought since it took a few years to concieve both of the first two we had time to take chances, a year of ttc at least, but God had other plans. I dont know if I could have physically handled waiting a few more years, or rather, I dont know if I waited til I was closer to or over 30 if I could have done it, this pregnancy has been hard, new and different challenges than the first two pregnancies had.   and I dont think if I would have waited to being older if I could have done so well managing with all of it.     so I am sure God had his plans, but now that I’m facing having a newborn, a toddler and a preschooler all at once I’m scared out of my mind.  I keep telling myself if others can do it surely so can I.   we’ve done fine adjusting to being parents to one, then 2, almost too easily so I’m praying that this child will blend into our family just as easily!!   but the countdown is  on and  with each passing day I  face new concerns, for now about my health and the baby’s, if I try to worry about what happens after delivery I get way too overwhelmed.  I guess I better start praying now for an easier post partum period than I had with Boaz, I mean the csection was fine to recover from, no big deal.  it’s the other conditions that worry me, and the doctors dont know what to expect other than that I will probably be pretty sick again.   this time though they know what to look for, so in any case I’ll be under more watchful care than sitting at home being sick and miserable for a few months before finally going to the dr to find out just how sick I was!   so much to look forward to, right now my only concern though is that this little guy needs to be ready to come soon and so we better be ready for his arrival!   on that note…off to get some laundry done! 😉

Boaz was supposed to have a 9 a.m. appt to get his vaccines that he missed a few weeks back when he was sick at his check up.   He’s been coughing some for a few days and i wondered if I should wait longer to get the vaccines.   So this morning he woke up at 8, which is late for him, and has a yucky runny green mucusy nose and is wheezing.  of course the pediatricians office doesnt answer phones til 9 so I am going to wait to go, call and tell them i dont think he can get vaccines still and hope they can get him a sick visit appt today so if he needs meds he can have them since he’ll need to go to a sitter tomorrow while I have my ob appt. and the person keeping him then will have other kids and I dont want him to get them sick if we can prevent it!    Screws up my whole plan for the day but oh well.   I think Caleb probably should be seen too but he’s acting mostly ok just coughing a lot and tired.   he’s at school today so I’m not pulling him from school until he feels bad enough to need to go to the dr since it might be nothing.    It’s always something around here!  one of us has been sick one week or the next for the last few months, it’s getting annoying and the medical expenses are killing our already low lack of funds due to the car problems.  we just cant seem to get out of this rut.

at least for now Bo is playing ok, he just sounds like he cant breathe!   i keep trying to get him to cough by coughing o see if he will imitate me but he wont so the congestion is just sitting in his chest making it sound horrible.    so we’ll see how the day ends up going.  I am expecting a call from my pcp w/ my lab results sometime today too.  i am anxious to see what the results say.    I see the ob tomorrow and am glad I’m getting an u/s since I dont know how this med or the diabetes has affected him this last week so we’ll see.  He’s not nearly as active as he used to be so that scares me.   so I’m looking forward to that appt for once.

so..I was scheduled to see my endo. for my diabetes today.   Yesterday I emailed him my levels and asked if he could treat/eval. my foot since I thought I might have gout again.   I looked back and last time I had it was the week before I found out I was pregnant with this baby, so about 9 months ago.    I told him I was hoping to avoid another drs appt this week since I have 4 and Bo has one tomorrow.    He said to cancel with him and seeing my primary care for my foot.  So that’s what I did.  Dean stayed home w/ Boaz this morning so I could go to the appointment.  Sure enough she thinks it’s gout so I start some meds for it, the kicker is what more than likely triggered this is the uncontrolled diabetes.   High levels of ketones causes high uric acid which is what causes gout.  So last week when I questioned the other drs about the risks from the high ketones and blood sugars they said I shouldn’t be too concerned.    But…since I’m high risk for getting gout as is, and having been in ketosis last week(spilling sugar in my urine) the likelihood of this happening were pretty good.  So now I’m in so much pain I can barely walk or even do anything without my foot hurting so bad I want to scream, all because the drs didnt respond quick enough when my levels were off last week.  Needless to say I’m a little pissed off at those doctors for causing me to have all of this pain now, but at least the dr I saw today is proactive about it and says baby should be fine.   I will talk to the ob about it on Thursday, hoping it’s ok to wait til then.    Also hoping the pain subsides quickly after starting the medicine for this.    but as the dr says, it’s just one more thing for to deal with.  she said she feels sorry for me!   this is the dr who I went to first after having Bo and being diagnosed with thyroid problems and all that good stuff.  She said she saw my name on her schedule and was afraid I’d already had the baby and was already having post partum problems again.  They are expecting things to get bad again post partum, I told her how scared I am of having the baby becuase the chances of my feeling even worse after delivering are so high because all of the conditions I have will flare up afterward.    but she did say after we deal with this and as long as I dont get pregnant again I probably wont have that many problems, that for me pregnancy just makes my body react badly.  geez, tell me something I dont already know.  so she agreed having no more kids was probably in my best interest.  pretty sad when a dr tells you that.    pretty sad indeed.

so the dr is supposed to call me when she gets the labwork back, but was pretty confident it is gout again.   the interesting part of this is that at this point my pregnancy w/ Boaz my uric acid was high, which is what they test for when diagnosing gout.  I was in the hospital even and they never decided why it was elevated, but since high uric acid is a symptom of pre-eclampsia they were concerned some but since my blood pressure was fine they did nothing.  So I might just double check w/ the ob tomorrow if my uric acid is really high just so they know about it, since it could be the beginning of pre-e but each pregnancy at this point they’ve thought I’ve had pre-e and never gotten it.   could be I just get gout everytime and it isnt til now that I have a dr who is recognizing it.   so we’ll see what happens.   if anything this might help me have more leverage with which to move up my c-section date!!! I am so hopeful that it will be before April 7th, I feel so crappy all of the time and just want to be done, but knowing that the post partum period is going to be crappy too healthwise isnt too exciting either.   so much to look forward to, I just want Baby boy Mckenzie # 3 to be healthy and for me to be for once too!!    is that really too much to ask for?

Ob appt. today.   Cervix still changing, at 1 cm and my cervix is lower than it was.  All progress but dont think it matters unless I’m contracting every 5 minutes or my water breaks.   But if I were going to labor I guess it would make me feel good that my body was doing something. But with a planned c-section dont think it matters much.   I am guessing though that theres a good chance since I was 3 cms at 37 weeks with bo and at my 36 weeks appt w/ him there were none of these changes, that if anything I’ll be going at least a few days before April 7th if my cervix keeps changing and these contractions keep up.

I gained 4 lbs since thursday, guessing it’s the new diet and added insulin, kind of sucks, I was liking not having gained too much weight so far!    BP was great which is super, I’ve never gotten this far into a pregnancy without BP problems so maybe being so active chasing Bo all day is actually helping me stay healthier this time.   Baby boy # 3 gave me a scare though today, I had to be on the nst monitor for about an hour becuase he wasnt moving like he should have been.  His heart rate was good but he wasnt as active as they would have liiked.  Right around the time I could tell the dr was getting concerned he woke up some, but not as much as he normally does.   So hoping he’s doing ok and that on Thursday he does better on the NST.   I see the endo. tomorrow for my diabetes management.    Things are going much better with the added insulin injection in the morning which is good but it’s going to be expensive to keep having to take this much insulin, I was hoping not to need to get a refill on the insulin since it costs us $45 for a tiny bottle but because I’m taking so much I will probably need more by the end of the week.

well bo is napping so I am going to grab some lunch and hopefully some rest.  I feel like I didnt sleep last night, but I know I did.  I think I just did too much this weekend and now am paying for it.   So I’ll update again later on this week, at latest after my appt on Thursday.   I know it seems silly but I really hope labor starts or something so they will take the baby sooner, I’m really not feeling good and Dean’s working and cant really take off.  at the end of Bo’s pregnancy he stayed home some to help me out but he cant, they even want him working overtime(without pay) so I know it’s hard for him to take time off right now even if he schedules it.    morning sickness is back w/ a vengeance and its worse I think becuase I’m having to eat so much more food due to taking more insulin.  it’s really a pain.    just a few more weeks…..I have to keep reminding myself!

This past Thursday we were blessed to enjoy a baby shower with our church family.   members of our life group pitched in and got us this Graco Double Stroller that is awesome!   If we had the money and this wasnt going to be our last child I’d buy the  infant carrier car seat that matches it so when going out it would be easier to take the newborn in the stroller, but we cant.  the infant carrier we have is a used Eddie Bauer one, I’m frustrated that i cant even find the canopy that goes with it, that’s what happens when things sit in the basement for over a year I suppose!   but the stroller is still cool and I’ll figure out how to get Bo and the baby in it at one time when we need to get Caleb from school, but that’s a month or so away and even then I’m not sure how it will work since I wont be able to lift Boaz for 8 weeks after my c-section.  this will probably be the hardest adjustment to our family ever, just because of all the complications of a c-section and a toddler.

but I’m off topic….so we got the stroller, a big ole’ box of 200 some size 1-2 diapers.   Some gift cards, which part of I used to get this new bigger backpack diaper bag.   I had a coupon for 15% off too so that was cool.    We used it for the first time today, the diaper bag, and I wish I’d had a backpack diaper bags before we had Boaz, it’s great!   much more convenient, hoping it will help with having no free hands, with a toddler and newborn that I can just put it on my back as opposed to having a bag in the way on my side.

We also got some a set of crib sheets, an adorable baby outfit, a book for the baby, and today someone who missed the shower gave us more diapers and some wipes.   We’ll be going through wipes much quicker now with two in diapers so that’s great!   So we got lots of good things, going to use the rest of the gift cards to save towards the high chair I want to get, I almost have enough for it but since we dont need it yet we are going to wait to get it.  It was nice to celebrate with a shower for this baby since I know this will be my last natural born child.   i’m kind of sad about that in fact, as it gets closer and Dean’s surgery date gets closer I keep wondering if it’s the right thing, or if we should wait a few years to make the decision so permanent, then I think about how bad things have been with each of my pregnancies and how bad post partum was with Boaz and wonder how this one will go and know that this probably is the best thing for us.  We will no doubt adopt down the road so I know it’s not permanent as far as how big our family is but it’s still kind of sad to be making such a huge decision before this child is even born.

we were talking about naming the baby with friends today and I realized recently that my biggest problem with settling on a name is that this is the last child I can name.   So the names I have I really like will go unused, if we dont name this kid that name then there will never be a McKenzie child w/ the name I love so dearly, and that is hard for me to accept.  I mean it’s not that big of a deal, but it makes me wonder if that’s because we are meant to have more children or if I’m just being too emotional and that the realization of this being my last child is just weighing too heavily on me right now.   I dont think I realized how sad I am at the idea that I wont have any more babies growing in my belly after this, ever.   I mean 3 boys is enough for any stay at home mom to handle but…..the “what ifs” of screwing up God’s master plan and doing something so final to prevent another child is bothering me.   i guess if it’s in His plan He has ways of making it work out, I mean I know there’s always that chance that vasectomies arent fail proof….but oh well.  enough of that topic.

So we are a little more ready for baby now that we got a few more things we needed.  At this point we have everything we need, I just need to wash the car seat stuff up and wipe it down some.   Something I meant to get to this weekend but I’ve been so busy all weekend.  Dean and I had dentist appointments yesterday morning, I went back for mine and the dentist said someone made an error in making my appt because it’s too late in my pregnancy for me to be seen, that I couldnt get any thing done not even a simple cleaning because of the risks. so I make my first dentist appt since being pregnant w/ Caleb 5 years ago just to go and be told I need to wait to be seen!  So dean goes back, gets x-rays and they tell him he needs to see a periodontist before he can get a cleaning but they did schedule him for a filling for sometime in April, we also made Caleb an appt for his first dental check up for that day as well.   I ended up leaving Dean at the dentist since I wasnt being seen and went by myself to the grocery store which was nice for once, my mom was at our house with our kids.   After our appts. we went home and had lunch then I baked cookies with Caleb for church today.   Last night we went out shopping for the diaper bag and some other things we needed.  Today we had church and lunch out with friends with whom we’ve been trying to connect with for a while.  Once we got in from all of that I spent hours, seriously, in the kitchen making lasagnas, one for our meal tomorrow and I made one to have in the freezer.  I’m trying to keep our freezer stocked so meal planning is easier on me the more pregnant I get.   while making the lasagnas I was also heating/defrosting potato soup I had made before and frozen for our meal tonight, its such a good potato soup recipe!  I finally got everything cleaned up, we ate got the kids in bed and then I finished cleaning the house.  I have 4 doctors appointments this week so I know I wont have much time for cooking or cleaning so I’m trying to get things ready tonight for the week ahead.  Sometime this week I need to schedule Boaz an appt for his vaccines and Caleb an appt for a follow up to a rash he’s had for a while on his feet, no doubt exzema that wont go away like I had when I was a kid.    but I dont know when I’ll  have the time or energy to take them for their appts on top of all of my own!

So I see the ob tomorrow and I’m sure they will be happy I’m now on insulin injections twice a day since it’s really helping my glucose levels which is good, but that means that they probably wont change my due date to any sooner unless the baby starts to be in distress from everything.   this is the week where in Bo’s pregnancy I started having a lot of problems so  I am anxiously awaiting every appt and praying things continue to get better not worse.  well I meant to be in bed soon since I’ve not rested much at all this weekend and it’s going to be a busy week.    hope everyone had a great weekend!!