Wisdom from my walk

Caleb; the big big brother!

Boaz is getting so big, so fast!

Boaz loves his new brother!

Zekers, 2 weeks 1 day.  He should have just been born this morning!!

what a cutie!

We have decided he is a keeper!

quick post….first day on my own w/ the kids all day.   Zeke is 2 weeks old today, he shouldnt even be born yet, tomorrow was when we had the c-section scheduled for, which is my brothers and nephew’s birthdays.    At least Zeke has his own birthday I suppose.    I’ve had a headache just about non stop for 2 weeks now, it started the morning I went to the ob and found out I was having the baby that day and everyday I’m stiill battling it.   Dreading asking the ob about it tomorrow.   I think I might still be anemic or something too.    well Bo is awake from nap, he napped just long enough for me to shower and barely get dressed.    it’s going to be hard to get used to this again!  and adding in nursing it’s been a fun day!   at least now Ive had my shower, for me that’s like my morning cup of coffee, my day just isnt the same without a refreshing shower.  well gotta run, he sounds mad….

After I had Boaz and was breastfeeding I ate so badly those first few weeks. I figured it was just a physchological adjustment to being able to eat junk food again so that was the main thing I ate those first few weeks. here I am just about 2 weeks post partum w/ Zeke and if I look back over my day the main thing I’m eating is cookies. I’m craving them like crazy. I never craved anything so badly in my life. I am starting to think since this happened post partum w/ Boaz that this is normal for breastfeeding or something. I’m trying to resist the urge to eat junk but it’s all I feel interested in eating. I made myself eat a salad yesterday because I felt so guilty! I know I have a problem but short of throwing away those yummy cookies, and brownies a friend brought over yesterday, I cant do it. i have no self control. When I was preggo and diabetic I had motivation to not eat badly, now it’s just me that will suffer and while I’m dreading getting on the scale at my drs appt this Friday, I know I’ll at least weigh less than I did 2 weeks ago, and I know nursing uses more calories so really if I am not eating much food just junk I’m probably eating the right amt of calories just not the right kind. I need to fight this urge but this morning so far I’ve had brownies, cookies and an english muffin, not really healthy I know. I need to get out of the house or something. or at least hide the junk food. I am weak, so very weak…..I figure for the weeks/months of dieting and no junk I’m entitled but I still feel so guilty. guilty but ready to grab another cookie……help!

all week dean has been trying to adjust to taking care of boaz and Caleb mostly all alone.  he says he feels like a single parent.  I cant help out with Bo til my c-section heals, so i’m spending most of my time just caring for Zeke and trying to keep the house together.    A few days ago Dean looked crappy, he was grouchy and we all were arguing.   i couldnt figure out why he was having such a hard time taking care of the kids, I mean I do it all of  the time, heck I did it while very pregnant and managed most days to still go lots done.  By Friday night though Dean was in really bad shape and woke me on Saturday morning to ask me if I thought our drs office was open, I knew he must be really sick # 1 since he was going to the dr # 2 it was a freaking Saturday morning AND he was going to go to the dr.   Turns out Dean has strep throat.  i feel bad for harassing him for not being able to care for the kids when  I have always done it and gotten them cared for and the house in order, I know it’s harder for him because he’s just not used to it but on top of that he was getting sick.   So since he’s sick I’m trying to cut him some more slack, but I still have a hard time accepting that if I am not up and about doing my normal daily chores and stuff w/ the kids that things wont get done the way I want them.    I am anal about having a clean house but there has to be some middle balance between living in a pigsty and living in a fairly clean home.   needless to say I’ve been cleaning and doing laundry more than I should and have yet to suffer from it so until I feel worse I’ll probably continue to be stubborn and overdo things when I should be resting up due to my csection.

Dean is feeling a little better today which is good becuase I thought we’d never get through another day with him feeling the way he was, it was getting pretty ugly around here, we were all feeling grouchy and the house was looking like crap.   Our digital camera is dying thus the reason for not so many pics lately, we think we will need to have it repaired which will take a while, or so Dean says.   At least it’s still covered by a warranty.

So nothing new really going on….oh yeah, at Zeke’s follow up appt w/ the pediatrician on Friday morning he weighed 6 lbs 5 oz so he’s gaining well which is great since I’m nursing and dont know how much milk he’s getting.    He was also 20.5 inches long, the dr said the nurses at the hospital probably didnt stretch him out all of the way thus why they told us he was 18 in. long at birth.   She said preemies tend to scrunch themselves up a lot so we doubt he gained 2 inches in length in a week, just a simple mistake in measuring.   Which didnt suprise me too much since he looked longer to us than 18 in. and the other kids were both pretty long so I was suprised when they told us he was 18 in. long at birth.   So he’s a good sized baby, and seems to be doing well.    we went to church today and everyone, even people I dont know, wanted to hold him.   I forgot about that, had I remembered how strange people act around newborns I probably would have stayed home!!   But oh well, I needed some adult conversation and time out of this house or I was going to go nuts.

everyone keeps remarking on how good I am doing and how  I shouldnt be up and about like I am.  It’s funny, we had Caleb out and about on his first day home from the hospital.     Boaz wasnt long after that either.   Zeke of course wasnt out for his first outing til he was a week old just because he spent 6 days in the NICU.    So I know I probably would have been out sooner if we hadnt had to do the NICU stuff.   I dont know how women sit around after a c-section, for me I always felt worse the more I laid around.    The quicker you get up and about the better for recovery, or so that is my experience.    And since this is my 3rd time around I know what to expect and just like the other 2 times it’s not so bad.   for me the worst thing has been the almost constant headache i’ve had since the day Zeke was born.    Other than that and tiring easily I’m doing fine.  better than Dean even since he’s sick!    I just wish people wouldnt treat me like I cant do things, i know I should probably be limiting myself more than I am but if I can keep up and not be in pain then I’m guessing it’s not hurting anything.

well Zeke decided to sleep most of yesterday and since about midnight last night has decided to nurse about every 2 hours, yesterday it was like every 4 sometimes even 5 hours.    So I feel like today all I’m doing is nursing and yesterday I was worrying about him not eating.    It’s not so bad but it’s annnoying that I think I am finished nursing for a few hours and shortly after he’s up and wanting to eat again, guess he’s making up for not eating much yesterday.

So here we are 10 days after Zeke was born and aside from the sicknesses dean and Bo had things are going well.  Bo is finally sleeping through the night again, thank goodness!  Poor Dean has been so sick he cant sleep well without taking nyquil and even then I think he was up some last night.    Caleb is doing well, he wants to always hold the baby and feed him.    I am doing alright, tired today but alright overall.  So nothing much really going on here but somehow I managed a long entry for today…sorry for the randomness!

Boaz’s hospital pic

Zeke, 6 days old

Caleb 3 months old

first thing this morning we took boaz back to the dr, his ear infection was not reacting to the ear drops so they gave him an oral antibiotic as well as a lotion for some sort of infection on his belly button. He seems to be doing somewhat better as the day goes on. So…after bo’s appointment we came home, had a friend from church come stay with Bo while we went to the hospital to go through a one hour car seat check for the baby. They put the baby in the car seat while he is hooked up to the heart and lung monitors to make sure it doesnt stress him out. We sat by waiting for the hour to end so we could take our little guy home. he’s still jaundiced and will see our regular pediatrician for that on Friday.

We picked up Caleb from school on our way home, he didnt want to go to school today since he knew his baby brother was coming home, so Dean had promised if Zeke came home we’d get him out of school early. He was so excited and has been asking to hold and feed the baby all day. but of course since I’m nursing that is hard. He also got mad that all the baby does is sleep and wont play with him! It’s odd, when Bo was born I guess Caleb was still too young to vocalize as he does now, so its so awesome to see him as a big brother at this age. Boaz loves having a baby around and hasnt minded my having to nurse. he has tried to steal the baby’s pacifier though, which is funny because Bo never used one as a baby. Zeke rarely uses one either but when he did have it Bo kept trying to take it.

It’s been hard today, trying to get chores done with the kids. I am really overdoing it as everyone keeps telling me but I cant help it, I want it to be easier and it just cant be. I want to be able to help take care of Bo but theres not much I can do with him til I am able to lift him without hurting myself. So poor Dean is on double daddy duty and its wearing him out. I told him now he knows how it feels to be me all of the time, probably not what he wants to hear. He spent most of last night up with Boaz and I’m hoping tonight he can sleep since Bo is on the two antibiotics for his ear. We’ve been arguing a lot today, I’m having a hard time adapting to not being able to do my job and Dean’s having a hard time learning to do my job! He’s doing great though. I was in the bedroom nursing Zeke and when I came out Dean had dinner on the table! He’s also been working on laundry all day as much as he can. He is intent that I wont do the stairs or do laundry because of all the bending it would require. I just want to be able to go on like normal but I keep forgetting I did have major surgery just about a week ago now. I’m getting worn out very quickly with nursing, being sick(think I have a stomach bug or something) and trying to do too much. I havent been able to eat too much without getting sick and I had to call my primary care dr today for more meds because the gout pain is so bad I could barely walk again. so I could be better but at least my baby boy is home.

despite some struggles today with adjusting to having all of the boys home and my being unable to help with Bo, there were many precious priceless moments between the three new brothers who were getting used to one another. when we first got home the camera wasnt workinig(again) so the first moments when Bo first met Zeke, since he hadnt been able to go to the NICU since he was sick, were just amazing. We wish the camera had been working. The boys already seem to love one another and it’s just a great moment as a parent to see what we’ve created and to know that the bond these boys share is like no other and I cant wait to see how they grow and change and how all of them impact our family unit. So we gladly welcomed Ezekiel to our home today and while it still seems so unreal since he mostly sleeps, he has already has an effect on our family dynamic and so far we are doing ok…as soon as Bo gets healthier I’m sure life will be much easier.