Wisdom from my walk

this really suprised me, to read on here that meningitis is common for MCTD.   maybe this really is what i have…leave it to me to have something really rare.   as if I dont have 2 rare conditions as is.

we’re officially swimming in a crapload of debt…wohoo to two mortgages, and to think we’d never own one house let alone two!! too bad we cant afford 2 mortgages.   Dean will home in the morning….I am so excited!

I just raked up 5 bags of leaves, one whole bag came from our basement stairwell that my brother just cleaned out on Saturday.   I got tired and miserable in the cold so I ended up just raking the rest into the corner of the yard.   I hope the folks like the house today, it always seems so pointless after I work so hard on the house/yard and folks come and dont like the house.  especially when I work so hard when I feel so crappy.  I had to do the stairwell though because I couldnt even open the back door because it was at least a foot high pile of leaves so I had to go out there to clean it up before I could take the trash out that needed moved before the showing.

I really am struggling w/ bo lately. he is so aggressive towards zeke.  this morning he kept kicking his head, hard.   just now they were playing nicely in the hallway with me right there and Bo looks right at me then pushed Zeke over on purpose.  He is always so mean.  I’ve started spanking him and putting him in time out in his room but he doesnt seem to care.   I am worried Zeke is going to really get hurt by him.  this morning I ended up letting Zeke play in his crib so Bo couldnt get to him, but then he doesnt get to crawl around and play like he should be allowed to.   I really dont know what to do about it.   this morning I was ready to call a friend to have them come take him for a few hours because he always is fine w/ other kids just not Zeke.

well gotta go get Bo out of time out as much as I dont really want to…I just hate seeing him hurt Zeke so badly.

I wasnt sure why I was so nervous today about settling on the new house, it’s not like I’ll even be there. but the truth is in a few hours we’ll be the proudly indebted to two mortgages, God help us!! seriously, please find us someone to buy our house…we know it’s all his timing, things keep happening that prove we’re heading in the right direction, right down to the fact we didnt know how we were going to afford the move itself (rental truck, gas, etc) and yesterday found out we’re getting some money back at closing today. we even rented the truck for the day before payday, knowing we would have money the next day but knew in faith that somehow there’d be money for the expenses as they arise. and sure enough, things work out. it’s awesome but scary to know that all of the sudden our prayers will be answered in a way we could have never planned or imagined… we just have to have faith and patience, why do those two things have to be so hard though!! i really am nervous but so excited. I cried this morning as I put Bo down for nap in his crib in the room he shares with his brother…the new house has a room for each child!! and a lot more space overall. we never dreamed we’d ever be able to afford a bigger better house, but here we are. granted if our home doesnt sell soon we might be in trouble, but for now we know we’ll be ok. but if that buyer shows up soon we’ll be sooo stoked!

um but I did fail to mention the van…it’s going to cost $775 to fix it.  we chose not to have it fixed.  we might not even be able to drive it to Ohio.   but we’re not stressing about that just yet…soon but not yet…one stressful item at a time.  for now we’ll get through closing today, our showing this afternoon and then once Dean is home tomorrow and we own two homes…then we’ll figure out what to do with our crappy minivan.   anyone got a spare one they want to give us for Christmas!!?!?!?

so hard for me to believe that this time last year I was pregnant. (that pic was from last December, I AM NOT PREGNANT NOW!) this year is so different.  instead of two little boys at Christmas time to enjoy we have our 3 boys, 2 of which arent so little anymore.   And Zeke is well on his way to being trouble.  He’s crawling everywhere and learned from Bo where to go to get into things.   He’s also started pulling up on things. Hoping to get some recent pics up once Dean gets back on Saturday, he’s got the things I need to upload my pictures!

what Dean had to deal with this morning, he got to work pretty late.   I had my own issues to deal with this morning but glad none of them involved traffic or snow!!

my dr appt went well.  I love this dr.  I figured out partly why today…she looks and talks a lot like my friend Stacey.   it took until today for me to pinpoint that, I think because I really looked at her the whole time because I was hanging on every word she said.  She was glad I was doing better, she said she was sure I was going to come in worse today than I was last week, so was happy so far things seem ok.   Bloodwork results were once again inconclusive.  some levels were abnormal but alone/together meant nothing.   Liver and kidney functions were good, that’s always nice to know!  as well my thyroid level are fine.

when it came time to discuss a possible diagnosis I finally got something out of her.  She said to discuss w/ my next dr, mixed connective tissue disease . that or a rarer form of lupus.  She did say she does not think it’s MS or fibromyalgia.   She said when I find a new dr to let her know and she will go over my history w/ the dr so it will be an easier transition and that once they find a diagnosis no matter how long it takes because she wants to know.  she said she has a pile of charts of patients that need diagnosis’s.   we joked about getting us all together and figuring it out together; that we all probably have the same thing.   I said all I want to know is if I’m going to die soon and her answer was not anytime soon.   So I guess it’s better than yes but not a definite no!!  no really, I feel optimistic.   Especially since the pain meds are finally helping some.  that and my limiting myself more.   it’s definitely worse the more I do.

getting ready to go drop the van off at the shop, myf riend is coming to take us and hopefully we’ll be able to get it fixed and back before I have to pick Dean up on Saturday morning.

on another health related note, I’m gaining weight quickly again I so hate that!  I’m sure part of it is my cravings for sweets lately, as I type cookies are baking, but my reasoning for those is that I’m making them for Caleb’s teacher as a good bye/thank you gift.

well gotta run….so stop worrying about my health ya’ll!!  the dr doesnt think I’m dying anytime soon and seems to think I have time to wait to see another dr so that’s good.   She said to call if I need anything until then.  She’s awesome, I hate to leave good drs. but I”m hopeful I’ll find another good dr.   that search will start soon after we get in the new place.  I found one at the Univ. of Cincinnati I think I want to try to see, but I need to see if they take my insurance, whenever we find out what that is.

2 more days til Deaner is home, not even 2 whole days, wohooo!!!!

all REASONABLE OFFERS CONSIDERED!   listing price changing today to $219,900!!