My whole day sucked, from the time I woke up until now and it seems to get worse as it goes. I woke up early since I had an 8 am doctors appointment, when I got out of bed I felt like I’d been run over by a truck. My legs ached as if I’d run a marathon as did my back. But I didnt do much physically this weekend actually nothing that could have caused how I felt then and still do feel. Then I get to the drs office that is supposed to open at 8 am and waited outside in the freezing cold for ten minutes before some one gets there to let me in. 8:20 still no doctor at the office. 8:40 they take my vitals, still no dr at the office. 9:00 I left to go to work highly pissed off and feeling miserable. I cried as I walked to work and took a while to get myself together enough to work.
needless to say I got through the day and managed the confidence to call the drs office manager to complain as I also had an appt this past Friday for 8:15 and had to leave to go to work and the dr still wasnt there at 9 either but I figured it was just because of the weather. They are fitting me in on my lunch break tomorrow with a different doctor.
Few good things about the day, dinner w/ my family and a friend and then going to see Christmas lights on 34th street. Dropped the family off at home so I could hurry and pick up my RXs at the pharmacy which went well for once there wasnt a hassle there. Then I went grocery shopping, took my time since I didnt have to fight w/ Caleb to sit in the cart. Waited about 10 minutes in line to get ready to pay and have our debit card declined twice, that was a huge shocker, we’d used it twice tonight w/ no problem. I left the groceries as I was too tired to deal with it and came home to only send Dean back out after figuring out the problem so he could get our cart full of groceries. meanwhile I did laundry and cleaned up the house a bit.
it’s been a long miserable day. I hate to complain, but I am sure writing about it will relieve some of my pent up anger. It doesnt help that I was out of paxil for a few days so I am on the verge of tears (or so that is the reason I am using since my pregnancy test was negative and I cant see the dr til tomorrow) at every little thing.
Another reason I am so upset is because I used to think of myself as a good writer. now everytime I write Dean complains that my blogs make no sense that its all jibberish, that the thoughts dont connect. I mean what do you expect from a women with excess pressure in her brain! I try so hard but the worse it gets the more I find it difficult to even speak sometimes, stumbling through words having to go back and say the same thing and only getting it out after saying it slowly, very slowly. At work I transpose numbers and letters all day, I know it’s not a big deal but it sure feels like it when you cant even get a thought out. So I am considering taking a break here, although even if no one else understands this is therapeutic for me. Maybe its just Dean, maybe he’s the one who has brain problems!
Don’t worry about whether your thoughts connect or not. Just write! My thoughts never connect!
This is your outlet. Write how you want, when you want, and what you want. My thoughts never make sense!
I just want to say that I don’t try to make you feel bad on purpose. I certainly don’t want to discourage your writing. Please write more than anything else. I’ll do the laundry while you write, I’ll do the dishes while you write. Don’t let me keep you from it.