I didnt make it to the Y today for exercise class.   I had to be at the moms group meeting at 10 so  I would have had to been at the Y for the early class, the one that I’m struggling with.   I thought I’d feel better, at least in better spirits, or in a better mood after our moms meeting as I usually am but today I feel kind of in a rut.  I’m tired, and it know a lot of my emotions today are because of how I feel.   I hate when I cant do normal things and keep up.  I want to be young and healthy again.   I know that cant happen and that I need to make the best of the now but when you feel crappy that’s hard to do.   I’m also in a bad spot because part of me is worrying about my dad.  This upcoming Tuesday he’s going to have a defibulator(sp??) put in his heart in hopes his next heart attack doesnt kill him before the EMT’s show up to help him.  He’s very unhealthy.  I’ve tried making myself keep in touch with him, because I do care about him.   But it’s hard, to know how bad he is doing and not be there to help him out in any way.   I am also torn because I want my brother to be on better terms with my dad, God forbid if he doesnt make it through this surgery or another heart attack.   I know I cant control others feelings, and I dont expect much, I just wish they’d just be willing to try harder.

well I need to go…Bo has had a bad cough and his last bout just made him throw up his lunch….fun fun fun….