children are  a blessing, a gift from God.  I have no doubt in that fact.  I know each of my children has a purpose and plan created by their Maker.   Some days I wonder what that is and why they have to have it harder sometimes than other kids.  I feel very guilty for Bo and Zeke’s difficulty, knowing that my own health may have affected theirs, whether through the environment or the genes they were given.   I didnt get sick til after I had caleb, which may explain why he is the healthiest of our three boys.   Today the boys got evaluated in seven different areas to check for delays/disabilities.   the results were as expected, our kids are a little behind.   Zeke has delays in these areas: sensory, receptive (language), gross and fine motor.  Bo’s delays are in his expressive language and gross motor.  I remember when at check ups the drs asks if the kids do the “pincer” grasp to hold things.  they did, or so I thought.  Apparently bo and Zeke both dont do it the way they should.   there are several areas in which they are behind but not enough in those areas that were behind overall.  Ironically both kids can do some things well beyond their age yet cant do others that they should have been doing months ago.    what does all of this mean, i dont know.  there’s no diagnosis that I know of.   I just know they’re delayed in these areas.  This will probably allow Bo to go to preschool for free, but not to the school that Caleb goes to.   I have always felt guilty for knowing my kids were different, having it down on paper and knowing now others know for sure that something is wrong w/ my kids makes me feel even worse.   I dont want my kids to be labeled and most of all I hate that Caleb can go to normal school and Bo may not be able to for a while.   During their pregnancies I just prayed they’d be born healthy and, they were for the most part.  I am grateful that they are as healthy as they are but I also am sad that they are different than most kids.  I never thought I’d have to experience all of this, and it’s a confusing process, trying to get them treatment.   I just want them to be ok and to thrive in their learning, right now they are not.  Is it my fault for not being active enough in teaching them, or would it be this way no matter who their mom was or if she was home with them all day.  blah…just a bit depressing.  I made Bo a drs appt for tomorrow, we’re concerned about him still gaining weight and soaking through at least 2 often more diapers through the night.  He wakes up soaked through his sheets, and that’s after we’ve changed him through the night, sometimes 2 or 3 times.    well it is almost time to go pick up Caleb from school.  I’m going out tonight, to a moms night out game night, I need the break and some adult conversations that doesnt involve mine or the kids health.