keep forgetting to pick up my migraine meds from the pharmacy, and man has my head been killing me!!  looking forward to taking my pills tonight…zeke has made it through the day. hoping he doesnt keep us up all night.  Dean and the other boys went to see our neices school concert.    i stayed home w/ the sick kid in hopes I can pack some clothes for our fast approaching trip.

I’m so torn about this trip.  I really want to go but there are some issues I’ll have to face while there that I’ve been trying to avoid.   My dad is really sick.  he’s been in and out of the hospital and yesterday my grand mom said he’s looking forward to our visit.   I’ve never known him to even care so I was a little shocked but when your as sick as he’s been he might have a new look on things.  I hate to say it but I hope that is the case.   All in all it comes down to me being afraid that this will be the last time I see him.   Everytime I call my grandparents lately they’ve told me he’s in the hospital or just got out.   I’ve tried to keep in touch with him despite his lack of well…any return communication or even express concern/care.   he’s my dad and I will always respect him for that.  I know that at some point he and my mom must have been somewhat in love, to marry and have two kids…but then I know others who arent in love who do the same.  but it makes me feel better to know at some point they did love each other and my brother and I were created out of that love.  no matter how you look at it, he is my dad.   I will love him no matter how hard it is, and boy is it hard sometimes.  esp. when you have never felt loved back.

well I have to go…i’m in an emotional rut these days.  this class at church has been blowing my mind about some things too so I’m a little confused and I’ve gotten to the point where I’m willing to accept things as they are but dont know what is next.  if anything this trip will be a time for us to spend some quality family time together and I’m looking forward to that.  and seeing my friends will be nice too!!!  less than two days til we are there!!!