Zeke Day 2

He’s doing so much better today!!! Yesterday he had trouble with keeping in the food through his feeding tube so they stopped trying. Today we tried again this morning with milk that I had pumped. So they give him food through the tube then 3 hours later check to see if his stomach is empty by checking the feeing tube and seeing how much is left in his stomach. So far today he’s digesting almost all of the milk they are giving him, he’s had 3 or 4 feedings I think and so far each time they’ve check he’s done well enough digesting that he gets to eat again! I’m excited about that!

His air flow needs to be at 0 on the cannule in his nose (forgive me if my terminology is wrong, it’s all very confusing to us at this point), so he started day 1 on an air flow of 6, the highest for babies. yesterday he was at 5. Today he’s down to 3 all day w/ an oxygen saturation (again terminolgy may be off some) of 25% which they say isnt so bad. So he’s halfway down from where he started on the air flow so that’s a lot of good progress for two days. the requirements to go home, are off of the air flow cannule and breathing rate under 60, eating via bottle or breast sufficiently and gaining weight. there’s no order to how these things happen but we’re guessing he cant feed til he’s off of the air thing in his nose. which hoping that tomorrow they can get that down closer to zero and maybe by Monday to be off of it completely. but the timeline is all based on Zeke’s progress so we really dont know.

we’re trying to stay on his feeding/changing schedule in order to be able to help out with his care so today we have done well with being w/ him at those times. this meant Dean got to change his first poopy diaper! with both other boys dean was the one to change the first diapers since I was recovering from the c-section so I thought it was only fitting to let him do the first one! he also helped take his temperature and we held him some today. I changed a diaper today and they have been letting me help with giving him the milk in the syringe to his feeding tube. it’s not much but it makes me feel like I’m helping care for him, so that and pumping are my main goals and it’s helping me cope some. Boaz and Caleb are having a tough time adjusting to us being gone, right now Dean is home spending some time with them. Bo has had a fever off and on for a few days and is cutting a few teeth at once. he’s been miserable and not having us around isnt helping. We are worried about how things will be once home and we need to find a way to get help for when we’re home because Dean doesnt have a lot of time off to use and my 8 week recovery that means no carrying Bo is going to be hard to accomplish a day by myself w/ the kids let alone 8 weeks worth of days w/ the kids. we’re scared, and currently out of money so we cant even hire someone to help. we had a plan for care for the kids based on the April 7th due date, now we’re 2 weeks ahead of that plan so we’re going to try to do it week by week and see how it goes. anyone know a nanny who would work for a room and food and no paycheck???? and is reliable! 😉
I’ve had an emotional day and broke down and had a much needed cry. I’m harboring a lot of guilt for my little boy in the nicu and guilt for Boaz being so sick, I was going to take him to the dr on Wednesday but didnt feel up to it, geez I dont know why, one day before being in active labor?? but still, now he’s still sick and they said his ear was draining fluid today, so I am afraid he’s got a really bad infection that could have been prevented had I taken him on Wednesday. Dean had an appt set up for him on Thursday but he didnt take him since we were on our way to have the baby, again my fault. So now he’s one sick kid and neither of us can be there to really comfort or care for him as we’d like. I’m really struggling with that and with the guilt of putting Zeke at risk due to my health issues which he is now suffering because of. it’s a lot weighing on me and today seeing Boaz crying and not being able to hold him or go home to be with him was the breaking point. so I sent Dean home with them for awhile, but that’s left me alone at the hospital which probably isnt helping my emotional state either! So a lot going on inside this head of mine and I’m trying to cope with all of it, I’m sure some of the guilt over having a baby in the NICU is normal for our situation but it’s still stressful and having sick and sad kids at home I cant care for either isnt helping. I want to be both places at once and physically I know I couldnt do much for the kids if I were home anyway. so theres nothing for me to do but stay at the hospital, rest, and pump milk for zeke and pray everything works out at home and here. so prayers would be great if you do that kind of thing. it’s going to be a rough week or 5 or 6 or 8….I’m struggling to get through one day even!