Well…it’s been a long week and it’s only Wednesday! I went to my regular doctor yesterday, got a lot of blood drawn and they made me an appointment to see a neurologist today. Went to that appointment, and was glad to hear other than the symptoms I told him about there was nothing else wrong neurologically that he could see. So it is more than likely the increased pressure in my brain, so he ordered more blood work and scheduled me for a spinal tap on next Tuesday. He also told me that my birth control could be causing some of the problems and to stop taking it until they confirm whether or not it could be related. I only take it to control my ovarian cysts, and never wanted to start it in the first place, so now I am mad at myself for taking it because it may have complicated things. So as of tonight no birth control. Good and bad I guess. Bad mostly because I could get pregnant easier now and I cant get pregnant taking the medicine I am taking for blood pressure and if I start taking meds for all of this stuff I cant get pregnant either. So it is a catch 22. Dont know what will happen next.
My test next week may interfere with our hosting thanksgiving dinner. The dr said I cant work Tuesday or Wednesday and to take things slowly after that, but that I could be ok to work on Thursday, so luckily since it’s a holiday I get an extra down day but we’ll be having company which I am hoping is helpful to my being able to get dinner ready!
Since I’ve been feeling bad and the diagnosis is still up in the air, I have had no desire to be social. Dean keeps sharing my story with others trying to get their input and I suppose to get it off his chest. Me I am keeping quiet. I dont want to think about the possibilities and what effect it will have on things, knowing it’s already causing such a problem is enough. Each day brings more information and so far good news, mostly. I laughed because today part of the blood work was to rule out that I am pregnant and I told Dean it would be funny if it comes back positive thus explaining half of my symptoms! Not likely but not impossible (as I am not good at remembering to always take my birth control so that will be nice to not have to deal with! ) My main fear is the future and how things will change. I mostly want some energy and less trouble seeing and concentrating and then I’ll be happy. But I also want to be able to have another baby without complications which seems almost impossible when looking at my risk factors now. I was already high risk w/ Caleb and now with all of this stuff seems like it would almost be healthier for me and my family to not consider having another child. That scares me the most. i’ve always wanted to be a mother, and now I am, but I ‘ve always wanted a lot of children. Guess God’s already got it all worked out. Now we’re just waiting for him to finish this part of the plan and then I guess we’ll think about the future.
Despite the increased stress right now I feel okay. I mean not physically but emotionally. I’ve come to terms with knowing that I’m not losing it and my symptoms are real and warranted for concern. I’ve also come to realize that all I have to do is ask for help and my friends and family members will be there for me. Thats been the hardest part of this for me. needing help. Needing to accept i cant do it all, clean house, work, tend the baby, do laundry, be a wife. It’s hard and more than I can handle now or in the near future even. Dean’s been great and having friends that are there for me even if only via email or im is so helpful.
Dean said my last entry was hard to understand, like I my thoughts kept running together. I hope this one isnt as bad, but thats what my heads doing to me these days. Stumbling all my words and thoughts and steps sometimes too. Darn head! Cant wait to get better!!
