It’s been a while, and each night as I rush to catch up on other’s daily blogs I think I should take the time to write. But instead I empty the dishwasher, or fold clothes, or make bottles for tomorrow, or do whatever else needs done before I can crash for the night. I finished my long boring training at work. Today was to be my first day at my desk taking calls, but I called out.
Caleb spent most of the night fussing in our bed with us, it was better than him fussing in his crib. I finally got him to settle into a good sleep around 6 this morning, around which time I decided that there was no way I was leaving my little boy with a sitter when he was so unhappy to go to work, so I finally got him in his crib and called and left a message at work that I wouldnt be in. I simply said, my son is sick, I wont be in. It’s at times when I say things like that that it hits me the hardest that I am a mommy. My son. My SON! He needs me now. He needs me always. But I have another job now, one that helped us fix my car and finally get it insured and registered today so that he can enjoy the ac of our nice car instead of the hot heat of the unair conditioned car we’ve been borrowing from a relative. It’s all for him. I tell myself that all day long when I am there, at work, away from my sweet angel. Next week I am going to start my real shift, a horrible 11am – 8 pm. I’ll get some more morning time w/ Caleb but when I get home he will be in bed.
Dean says there is talk of him getting offered a full time job with the company his is contracted with now. I pray to God he gets it and gets a bigger raise than he has already. I love my son. I want to be the best mom I can be, and I know that leaving him and not having the energy for him when I get home is not good for him.
He did great this weekend. Napped and ate well. When he goes to daycare we get him up around 6:30 a.m. and the sitter doesnt enforce naptime so he comes home at 6 and is ready for bed. Which means he is too tired for dinner even though all he ate was unhealthy snack foods all day at daycare because eating his healthy food I pack for him is not enforced either! Argh! today I kept calling the sitter to tell her why he wasnt coming today and I never got an answer. once I got a busy signal but that was all. She didnt even call us to check on Caleb. This scares me. We already paid her for this week and I am worried she wont be there when we go to drop off tomorrow. I know I am probably being silly, but I am worried all the same.
I took Caleb to the dr today to see what’s causing his sleeplessness and crying at night, and looks like he is getting 3 or 4 teeth at a time, all molars. He was laughing and playing the whole time we were at the drs office, and I know they didnt believe me when I said you should have seen him earlier, cause of course he was just a little ray of sunshine when we are out! No really, he’s always my sunshine, it’s just hard to deal with sunshine at 3 a.m.!
tomorrow I have to go to work. My mom said I may have jeopardized my job by calling in so soon after starting, but me, I dont care. I almost want to get fired. I know the money is helpful, very helpful, and we need the health insurance until Dean gets a full time contract that offers insurance coverage, BUT……I loved being home with my baby today. He is growing more and more each day. Tonight Dean was out putting the tags on our car and Caleb went to the window and said “bye bye da da.” He must have thought since he was going to the car that he was leaving. Yesterday in the car I handed him a toy and he said “play, play.” He undestands so much for being so little, you can tell him to go pick up one of his toys by naming it and he will go get it and bring it to you. I thought I was ready to go back to work, but I dont think I’ll ever be prepared.
