Be forewarned, this is not your normal blog entry! I feel like I need to apologize, nothing really new for me, I am one of those people that apologize for it raining. Generally a people pleaser is what you’d call me. Over the last year I’ve gotten to be a lot different about how I am socially. I used to be the biggest introvert out there. I amaze even myself somedays, especially now that I am working again, with just how social I can be. But lately instead of being that introverted care about the rest of the world’s problems type person I’ve taken to being quite selfish. I think it has a lot to do with all the stress we’ve been going through, it’s been hard to hear about let alone support other people when I am struggling with so much in my own life.
Case in point, my best friend. I’ve felt like we hadnt been talking at all, and I even had no desire to. She’s doing her thing and now with my working I dont have time to do much but to do my thing and take care of hubby, baby and puppy. When I wasnt working I’d thrive for her stories about dating, work and friends, now I feel horrible that I just dont have time for her. Funny thing though, me being the people pleaser I am, I cant stand for things to be up in the air, especially with someone I care about so much. Ironically enough, I’ve been praying a lot the last week to have the ability to be supportive of Dean and Stacey despite what I am going through. I know I havent been the most supportive or even likable person lately, I just dont handle stress well and well returning to work and leaving my wonderful SAHM job is a huge stressor and neither one of them would ever understand that, well I am sure Dean does somewhat but moms are so different. So this morning, knowing things were getting worse between Stacey Dean and I, as I sat in prayer at church I prayed that I would be a better wife and friend. And specifically that Stacey and I would find the time to talk and that things would mend themselves out. Funny thing happened today, we talked, I mean nothing huge, but I couldnt help but laugh and say well thanks God its nice to know you were listening!
Relationships are so important to personal growth and make such a huge difference in one’s attitude that its hard for me to know things are not going well in a relationship I have with someone. Like I said, I aim to please others, but more importantly I want to be available if a friend or family member needs anything, even if it’s just an open ear. So here goes, my public apology for not being the friend, wife, co-worker, sister, daughter that I could and should be. Thank you all for being there for me as I’ve endured so many changes in the last year!
Really aim, you almost made me blubber. It’s such a two way street- I know I haven’t been the most supportive friend either. We’re both adjusting to a lot right now, and I know it sorta feels like we’re drifted apart a bit- but I always know you’re there when I want to talk. And I want you to know the same. You’re right when you say I don’t understand exactly what you’re going through- because I don’t, but I’ve seen my own mom go through the same struggle, even now. And even though I might only understand a small part of what you’re going through, I’m always willing to listen. Love ya.
What a touching post! I’ve felt a lot of what you describe recently–what with being a new-ish mommy, working and dealing with the normal ups and downs of married life. These things add up to a lot of stress. Aren’t we lucky to have such supportive and caring people in our lives? Thank you for reminding me to share with them my gratitude for their sticking by me through thick and thin 🙂