AmyMckenzie.com

I am starting to dread bedtime. Pregnancy induced insomnia is what I'd call it. I awake a zillion times at night after it taking me at least an hour to comfortably fall asleep and then when I do sleep I have crazy vivid dreams that awaken me, that or a puppy nudging and licking me for attention waking me, and lets not forget the need to pee a zillion times! So it's a vicious cycle. I wake up then have more trouble falling asleep I swear I spend at least half of my night lying in bed awake, thus my extreme fatigue all day! I am hoping my afternoon napping isnt effecting my night time sleep but I cant imagine that happening because at bedtime I am truly exhausted and if I dont take an afternoon nap, well I have to. Yesterday I almost fell asleep driving home from lunch w/ a friends, thats how tired I get, and it was only 1:30 pm!

I feel like I didnt sleep a wink last night! the dreary cloudy day outside doesnt motivate me to get up much either! well theres no better motivation then loads and loads of laundry to be done and knowing the house needs cleaned because we're having company tonight!!! Geez, and I'm already tired! I cant wait til Saturday! Come on vacation!!!!

Attack of the non stop morning sickness! ironically for me evening and night time are extremely worse for me as far as morning sickness, but the morning is starting to compete with that statement. Blah! Yes I am grateful , very grateful to be pregnant but I would love to enjoy a meal w/out feeling like throwing up before through and after it. when I left the ER last week they told me they were sending me home w/ phenegran , I thought great! they gave me 2 pills and a zillion suppositories of it. yes I am spoiled but I want the pills! So I"ve conserved them for as long as possible, but I think I might give in to taking one now. I just called the ob to find out if she'll get me a script for more seeing as we are hoping to go to the beach for a few days this holiday weekend and if I cant not be sick laying down and resting I cant imagine how the car trip will be!!!

All in all, I am sooo looking forward to getting away! we've never been to the beach as a family for more than an afternoon so it should be a lot of fun and Caleb deserves a true summer vacation before he has to share it w/ a sibling. Not to mention I need a break, again yes I know. being sick is tough when you dont get time off. I remember working when I was pregnant w/ caleb and throwing up on the way to work and at work but still working. but somehow office work is a lot easier to do that way then occupying a toddler and supervising he and the puppy is. Oh well. I will stop complaining, like I said, I want to be pregnant and for me being pregnant is a huge sacrifice of my health and I knew that, but still....I cant help but be a little discouraged. Everyone kept telling me that all pregnancies are different and this one could be different, heck it's different all right, the headaches I have now I never had w/ Caleb!!!

but thus is life. I am hoping to get a pic up soon of me pregnant, since this is my 12th week! I am praying everyone is right when they say things will get better in the second trimester, but if this is anything like my first pregnancy I"ll be sick for the whole pregnancy!

speaking of pregnancy, my sister in law's due date is coming up this weekend! we are waiting, some of us not so patiently, for little Jack's arrival!!! Dean's brother's girlfriend is due soon too!! babies babies babies!!! Then in 6 months it's our turn!! wohooo!!!

Can the makers of Ben & Jerrys be serious about there being 4 servings in their ice cream! If so I definitely have a problem w/ gluttony!!! I made Dean a deal, he could go out w/ the guys if he got me some ice cream. He asked what kind and of course I said Ben & Jerrys choc chip cookie dough or the fudge brownie one, so being the sweetie he is he got the new half baked kind that is a mixture of both of my favorites!!! shew I think I just gained 10 lbs!!! But it was so worth it!

Waiting to see it in the headlines so I can post a link, but Dean went for a walk with Caleb this evening to the park so he could go to the playground. They came back much sooner than normal and Caleb told me the police officer and ambulance ( he thinks the person is called an ambulance too, at the mall today he called a security guard an ambulance) told him he couldnt play at the playground today. he was very sad. Once I found out the reason I was more than sad, truly disturbed. Apparently the playground and area in the park nearby was a crime scene of sorts, from what Dean overheard a death occured there but I will wait for the news to come out and give us more details. I've yet to find it on any of the news websites so I'm hoping we can find something out about what happened. I'm going to make a point of watching the 11:00 news, but it's quite sad and disheartening that this is only a few blocks from our home. I keep praying for the family members that are involved even though I dont know what exactly has happened yet, but from what Dean overheard it's very upsetting. It's a sad day for our community and the world for this life lost - no matter who they were or what the reasons, but for the mere fact that all life is precious and we were all put on earth for a reason. I wish that this victim had found the joy in life not only the sadness. Another great sign that our communities and our world needs to see the love and joy that is out there for them, no matter who they are, what they do, and why they do the things they do.

maybe it's all the chocolate going to my head, but I'm waxing philosophical so I'll stop while I am ahead. this is no week for me to start thinking about the grand scheme of life, as I've been mad at my maker more than I should this week. It's sad when an episode of Joan of Arcadia makes you cry because you see the doubt that the world holds and uses as an excuse to shun God evident in your own current thought patterns. It's hard to be trusting when you are living your life in pain and see no end or help for you. I cant imagine how people who have no faith in anything other than themselves survive illnesses or broken heart when I struggle so much and I know deep down there is someone out there watching out and taking care of me despite how I feel or what I see. It's a tough line to walk, doubting and trusting, and I'm trying to walk closer to the trusting side but life happens and knocks you off the tight rope and it's hard to get back up when the line is so fine.

blah, all the chocolate is making me incoherent again, but alas it all makes sense, at least in my warped little head!!! thanks for listening and let me know if you think I'm crazy, no wait, you dont need to tell me, I'm pretty sure I already know!

my honey is so cute!!!



Now, look at my adorable son!! and if you look closely behind him in the bush you can see tons of cicadas!!!




see the extended entry if you dare see more cicadas!!

Dean took these up close and personal picks of the cicadas that now keep us indoors all day and make us have to take the puppy outside on a leash to prevent her from eating them and getting sick. My poor little boy sooo wants to go out but there is no place free from cicadas in our yard or neighborhood. yes they will not hurt you but they are everywhere and freak me out!!! not to mention their mating call is getting quite loud!!




be afraid, be very afraid!!!

I awoke this morning w/ a non achy clear head, for the first time in months. No doubt a result of having a somewhat normal pressure now that I've recovered from my spinal tap. My head hasnt hurt all day up until the last half hour when it's began slightly aching, like it wants to get a headache but it's fighting it. So for now, I'll stick w/ the update that I feel good. Overall I am achy all over but that is quite the norm for what I've gone through this week. But I feel good. My head feels clear and thats a great feeling. It may only last a week or so but it's better than how I was feeling no matter how briefly it lasts.

I cant believe I"m almost at the 2nd trimester mark. Hopefully at my next ob appt, June 3rd, I'll get to hear the baby's heartbeat. I cant wait!!! I've seen it on the u/s but thats all, hearing it is altogether different. Today we all went to Shrek 2, not nearly as funny as the first but funny nonetheless, and a great way to spend the morning w/ family after a busy chaotic week. Caleb thought it was too loud and movies on the big screen always make me dizzy but all in all it was a good experience. Tomorrow I think I'll be fine to be able to take care of kid and puppy alone for the first full day all week! and it'll be friday so if I feel bad after I'll have all weekend to rest again. So things are looking much better today and thats all that matters for now.

well I know you dont want to hear more whining, so I'll understand if you dont keep reading, but this is how my day yesterday went: (this is what I wrote earlier in an email to a PTC -pseudo tumor cerebri-message board so sorry for all the abbreviations, I'm not up to writing it all over again here)

I
ended up in the ER for most of today to get a blood patch. I spent all
morning throwing up if I tried to get out of bed and feeling like I was
dying. So I went in, told them my neuro sent me for a blood patch and that
I'd been throwing up. They are told by the dr doing the patch to give me an
iv, they didn’t do it, so I ended up in the OR for the blood patch w/ no
blood for them to take because I was too dehydrated. They put in the
epidural first then tried at least 5 times to get blood, it hurt like heck.
After the 4th stick I told them my back hurt, she said the needle moved and
had to redo it, yet still didn’t have my blood ready, so once the epi was
fixed she went to retry drawing blood. After another failed attempt or two
I was in tears and in pain and told them to stop. The dr complained that if
I had gotten an iv first they could have drawn blood but my veins kept
collapsing. Needless to say I am now home after being filled w/ tons of iv
fluids and ended up w/ no blood patch. My head feels somewhat better and
they gave me some phenegran for the nausea and vomiting, that also puts me
to sleep. So more bedrest for me and hopefully tomorrow will be better.

I have had the worst PTC week and my hospital experiences were the worst ever, not that the care was bad really just things didn’t go as they should
have. I hate to tell my horror story but I am so upset. I kept crying in
the ER after the failed attempt at a blood patch and the nurses kept asking
what was wrong, mostly I was mad it didn’t happen but I think it was more
pregnancy hormones making me upset. I was so worried while in the OR the
stress was going to harm my baby, and they never checked for the baby's
heartbeat or anything. I think I"ll call the ob tomorrow so she knows what
is going on.

so thats the story. today I am feeling so much better, I must have really been dehydrated and needed all of that iv fluids, cause I feel like a new person this morning. achy and full of bruises to prove all the pokes and prods but other than that doing ok. Poor Dean is on day 3 out of work for me, I hate it, but last night we thought I"d be a mess today. I'm glad to have his help and after today I should be up and about, the last ER dr said the sooner I can get up out of bed and moving the better for me and the baby. So I"m all for that. I've been told by several people that 26 is indeed not a normal pressure reading and that I should talk to my dr or get a new one, and I honestly know for me, that I only feel so good right now because they did a spinal and took some pressure off. So I dont know if I"m up to fighting w/ the dr over it becuase I dont want to take PTC drugs right now, if it gets bad again I might try to get another spinal, maybe, but no drugs. I honestly know for myself that I had classic PTC headaches and now after recovering from the spinal I feel fine should be proof of that. I am praying the rest of my week goes smoothly as I dont think I could take much more right now. I hope everyone else is having a good week!!!

well the LP was an experience. The dr poked one too many times, the first time he got the wrong spot and it hurt like heck to put it nicely, someone probably thought someone was in labor I yelled so loudly so many times! he finally got the needle in and the pressure was only 26 which isnt too bad, a little higher than norm but for my normal readings pretty good. So he thinks it's just migraine headaches, but immediately after the spinal I felt more clearheaded, and despite some nagging headaches the longer I sit upright I'm doing ok. so I am to call him in a few days and see what the plan is. He thinks w/ the 2nd trimester things will get better and I'm not far from that as this is week 11 of pregnancy for me!! So lets hope he's right. It was a rough experience for me today and I almost wish I hadnt done it except for the peace of mind about what my pressure is. So I really am supposed to be in bed, but felt obliged to my readers to let you know what was going on, that I hate bedrest!!! Dean is not here so he's not forcing me in bed, but I'm sure tomorrow he wont let me out of bed so I thought I'd get in my puter time while I can!! but back to bed rest for now!!!

I am going nuts! doggy poop all over, cicadas all over, toddler poop all over!!! blah!!!! and lets not even mention the spinal tap I"m dreading this afternoon! Word of advice: do not let your puppy eat cicadas. we awoke to diarrhea all over our living room. I got it cleaned up while the dog was out, eating more cicadas no doubt, and she came in and pooped in calebs room after having been outside for a little while even. I'm going to lose my mind! cleaning that up w/ morning sickness is no picnic. now the house smells like cleaners and air fresheners! blah! A true to form manic monday for me!!! hope everyone else is doing well, I'll update about the spinal tap as soon as I am allowed upright, I'm getting it done today at 3:30.

well my appt went ok. the dr says my eyes look fine, the optic nerve swelling is not any worse. He feels like my headaches are migraines, he has been saying this for months. I cant imagine the pain being this bad and just regular migraines. I swear my head felt like it was gonna explode and it was as bad as it was w/ the meningitis. he did agree to do a spinal tap just to find out if the pressure is up. My concern was my eyes may look ok but the pressure can still be up. and of course there is no easy way to find out if the ptc is back w/out a spinal. Of course today my headache is minimal, so if it's not too bad tomorrow I will probably cancel the spinal for now. he wanted me to try to make it past the first trimester to see if after the headaches got better, but I dont think I could take more weeks of this pain! So like I said if I make it through today and tomorrow w/ less of a headache then I probably will call and cancel the tap but if the headaches are just as bad then I'm going to have the spinal tap and we'll see what the pressure is. If the pressure is normal then I go on migraine meds if it's not we figure out what ptc meds are safe for pregnancy. I just want to feel better, and if having to get a spinal tap to figure out what is wrong is what it takes then thats fine w/ me.

well I am babysitting today, so today will be a true test of how I feel. i'll let you know how things go....

just when you think your day couldnt get much worse: you just enjoyed a nice soft serve ice cream w/ your son at the ice cream shoppe and to top it off, the growing child inside of you tells you it didnt like that ice cream as much as you did, and causes your stomach to do turns and flips, luckily you manage to not throw up at the ice cream shoppe. Upon leaving the shoppe you are met w/ the hot of the bright sun outside, to which your son requests you put the "fan" on in the car for him. Ready set go! Right into the rearend of another parked car in the parking lot of the ice cream shoppe. That splitting headache you've had all day comes back w/a vengeance as you get the child out of the car back into the hot sun to investigate the damage. There must have been an angel standing between you and that parked car, because the dent you think you caused on the car you become informed was already there!!! no other damage on either car to be seen, other than your broken pride.

on the way out of the parking lot again your son braces himself and says hit car again, luckily you dont do a repeat and make it safely to the grocery store, all through which your son talks about your hitting the car.

I think it's just one of those days, weeks, for me! I just want to crawl into bed and sleep it off for a long long time........

Update: while you type this your son comes into the room soaking wet, when asked why he informs you he was splashing in the potty water! he and the dog are wet.......AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

The weather out is beautiful! This week they are calling for true summer weather! my son wakes up at 6:30 everyday asking to go outside to play. Now I'm sure thats not too unusual for his age and being a boy, but I'm just not built for this kind of get up and go. So thinking it was wise to head to the park before the sun started sweltering us, we headed out early to the playground and for a walk. Great idea, right? we took the pup w/ us which makes it hard for me to keep up w/ both of them, but it's not fair for the dog to stay home. So we went to the playground, and in my attempt to stop Stella(the pup) from running away, I had briefly let go of the leash, I ran down from the slide set I was on w/ caleb and somehow fell pretty badly. Luckily our dog is compassionate and when she saw I was hurt she ran to me and licked me and stayed by my side long enough for me to regrab the leash. I am pretty knocked up, ha thats funny, no really, maybe I should say scratched up, and achy. I am not sure what is my problem. I am very prone to accidents lately, must be off balance w/ the pregnancy but it's bad. Not to mention my head has felt like it's been about to explode almost every day. Today is far worse though. I also had some vision problems after making it home from the park which lasted for at least 15 minutes, I actually fell alseep on the couch while Caleb watched tv for a little while, thats how crappy I feel. It's early in the day, I am just hoping I've worn Caleb out enough that we can both nap well later. I am eager to talk to the neurologist to see what he thinks is going on, but at the same time I dont want to get a spinal tap, although right now my head hurts so badly I think it might help. I always know when something is wrong when I start wanting a spinal tap. Please pray for me!!!

I gave myself a mothers day gift, since my hubby failed to, and bought flowers last night to fill the window boxes on our deck. I am glad to finally see colors and beauty out there where the empty window boxes had been. We also got sand to fill up Calebs sandbox. Thats a first. for the past 2 years we've used it for water, the sandbox, since caleb was little. But this year I figured he deserved a real sandbox and he loves it. Now we just need a pool! In my dreams I know, but we dont even have friends closeby w/ one, so this summer is gonna stink!!! Oh well, maybe we'll get rich soon and be able to afford something!

well I need to rest my achy head but like that will happen. I"m hoping a little lunch will help, but not counting on it. Hope everyone is enjoying this great weather. Tomorrow Caleb and I are going to see Milkshake at the flowermart downtown. Ought to be fun. I'll get links to those pages places, cant figure it out right now. If anyone local is going and wants to meetup let me know!!! I always went to the flowermart w/ our sitter when I was a kid, so I am glad to be a stay at home mom so I can take my son. building traditions is always a good thing!!

Unfortunately my son is learning at a young age to take advantage of his mother. Today as I put him down for nap he asked me what I was going to do. I told him I was going to take a nap too because I was tired. He said no you have to do dishes first! So thanks to him and the horrible day I had yesterday, the dishes will remain in the sink, dirty. The dishwasher will NOT get emptied by me and heck I am not even touching the laundry. I am taking today off. Yes, this may sound extreme, but I cant pretend to be supermom anymore. I am too sick most of the time to being doing all of the things I do that go unnoticed as is, so I think I'll just stop doing them until it gets noticed. In the process I am sure I will drive myself nuts w/a dirty house but oh well we'll see who gets the point. I am sorry if this makes some of you upset who may make homemaking your job, but there has to be a line between doing things because your love your family and to take care of your home and killing yourself doing them because you physically cant keep it up anymore. Sometimes even stay at home moms need help doing there job and unfortunately we're not allowed sick days and most times we cant even delegate jobs or if we do we get an earful about it. I love being a stay at home mom and I love taking care of my family but like I said, my health is getting in the way again and it's either my health and that of this baby or a clean house. I think I"m going to try to give in to the health issue for as long as I can stand a disorderly house, which I know for me, the obssessive compulsive cleaner, wont be long!!

More than likely a combo of pregnancy hormones and getting depressed by feelilng so sick, but I"m in a rut and have no willpower to push myself out....so wont be around for a little while. Have an appt w/ the neuro on Thursday, not looking forward to finding out what comes next, but if it helps me feel better I guess I'll do it. Please pray for me and my family as I deal w/ these stressors that are getting too overwhelming for me.

Here's my newest work of art, it's a baby shower cake for my sister in law. It was simple to do, and I deviated from the pattern some so it's not perfect but it should be yummy!




pic w/out flash on


a litte brighter w/ flash, neither do the cake justice

well my appt went very well, better than I expected. Both times my blood pressure was taken it was 120/80 and then 120/70! truly amazing! But it doesnt help explain the horrible disabling headache I had for most of the day. So to the neurologist next week, the ob agreed I need to talk to him about pregnancy and pseudo tumor. this ob was much better than the person I was seeing at the practice. I might hang around there a little longer. She even said she is going to research ptc and pregnancy so she is better informed. I thought that was a novel idea! At least she thought of it on her own! she said all she knows about ptc and pregnancy is that it causes gest. diabetes and high blood pressure. great , that explains a lot! So she is expecting things to get interesting for me in a few months! until then she said to see the neuro and that they will at least do one more glucose screening for me. Suprising my weight was the same as it was a month ago or so, despite my protruding tummy! just a little but enough for me to notice! guess all the throwing up keeps the weigh gain from showing up on the scale as much.

the best part of my day was my ultrasound. I actually started crying. For one because I was alone for it, I wish Dean was there. Secondly because I really didnt believe it could be true, us being pregnant again, now. So now I know. Theres truly a baby in there, complete w/ heartbeat and the baby actually moved around some!! so it's truly official now!! theres a baby in there!!! caleb saw the u/s pics and keeps asking what the baby's name is. He keeps calling the baby Steven. he has a baby doll he's given that name to too which is odd because we know no one whom he calls Steven in real life. very odd. I dont even know any cartoons w/ a steven. oh well. But I'm hanging onto my mothers intuition that this is a girl. i knew from the beginning Caleb was a boy and guess what , he still is!!! So only time will tell. Speaking of Caleb. it's 3:45 and he hasnt napped, and either have I and we have bible study tonight....so off to forcing him back to sleep, he fell asleep on the way home from my friend who watched him. So it was a great day, but the dr definitely said the words high risk and scheduled c-section! So she just wants to wait to see how the diabetes and blood pressure pan out, she said around 5 -6 months pregnant we will decide what to do about labor based on how things are going. but she said the due date is December 9th, a few days later than I thought, but thats ok. A great early Christmas present indeed!!!

Been out of here for a day or five, sorry! I've been either worn out or throwing up not to mention the internet always seems to decide to not to work when Dean isnt around to fix it. So I've been w/out it for days, which proved I'm becoming an addict, cause I got quite grouchy w/out my fix!!! So this afternoon will be my first real ob appt and I am getting an u/s afterward, so I am very anxious for my appt!!! I just wish Dean could go w/, but he doesnt want to take time off again I guess. Not sure why he never told me why he didnt want to take off of work.

I'm super nervous because I was spotting some yesterday, but so far this morning things seem to be fine, and I spotted in the first trimester w/ Caleb so might be nothing but my overdoing things a little again. Needless to say, I'm glad my appt is today and hopefully we'll find out that the baby is growing fine!

my little boy had a check up yesterday, he even had to get blood drawn. the little troooper sat and watched the nurse put the needle in w/ great awe and didnt even wince and never cried one tear. he did great the whole time, it was quite amazing to me, since I wanted to cry for him!!! he proudly showed off his bandaid all day and said I bleeding!! it was cute. Apparently the dr had said a few weeks ago it looked like Caleb never had his 2 year check up, which I am pretty sure Dean took him too, but oh well. So that was yesterday, and he's almost three!! She said his head circumference is in the 90th percentile, no suprise as he outgrows shirts more often because his head is too big than for any other reason. He was in the 75th perc. for height too I think. And his weight was a lot different, only the 50% or something. He's tall and skinny, not sure where he gets that from, except maybe cause he's an active kid. well the active kid needs to be refereed before he makes the puppy mad again!

I'll post after my appt or tomorrow. I am decorating a baby shower cake tomorrow for my sister in laws shower on Saturday, so I'll try to get pics up of that too. Have a great rest of the week folks!!!