AmyMckenzie.com

I saw the gyn yesterday to discuss my u/s results in more detail and discuss whats next. First off let me say this dr was much better than the LPN i had been seeing. So the dr shows me the actual u/s report and goes over in it detail, basically saying everything is normal for a woman my age , that the cyst at this point are functional and normal and of a very small size. So when I asked her then why am I having daily stomach cramps she said that she didnt know but that the small cysts would not be causing that much pain and on a daily basis. This is completely different than what the LPN told me a few weeks ago. The worst thing was when I asked the gyn about the cramps she said what cramps? what back pain? I had to tell her about it all again and she said no where in my chart did it discuss those problems. basically that lpn didnt do a darn thing and just made me deal with pain that I could have been seeing the PCP for and getting help for. So basically for the last two weeks I was told that the cysts were causing the pain and to wait it out. So I did that. the only reason I never went to the ER for the pain was because I was told by the LPN that the pain was from the cysts. So all of the last two weeks when I was doubled over in pain or in bed from the pain, I should have either been calling my pcp or going to get seen somewhere. but I didnt because of that other damn dr, or rather LPN. SO thank God I have a cat scan for friday to find out what is causing all of this pain. It has been very bad and now I am super worried because for weeks I thought it was cysts and now I dont know what the heck it is. So now I wait and worry. I could just wait and not worry , but this pain is nothing to sneeze at so I am very worried. My mom thinks its kidney stones but I'm not so sure. we'll see what happens. I am upset about how I was getting treated or rather at the lack of treatment I was getting. nothing to do about it at this point.

In other news, no wait there is no other news. Working very hard on coordinating the Easter Egg Hunt for church, which has been hard not feeling well, but I'm good at pushing myself even when I feel bad. Actually sometimes I think I do way too much when I feel bad but it cant get much worse so theres no point in laying in bed feeling bad when theres things to be done. speaking of which, gotta run , babysitting today....

It's been a few days since I've written, mostly because we've been so busy. To go backwards in time from most recent to furthest away in time would be best for my memory to recall...so yesterday I slept most of the day away because I had such a long crazy week. On Friday I ran errands all morning and left early afternoon to go to the Eastern Shore for a Pampered Chef show which went well considering all the kids that tried to make it a disaster for me! On thursday I babysat and ran around that evening doing stuff for our church's egg hunt. Wednesday was a blur, something about shopping all day for stuff for Egg Hunt, having meeting for same in evening and spent most of the day on the phone w/ different health insurance companies about unsettled claims. Tuesday, didnt do much the kids I babysit were sick so I didnt have them. Monday, spent time w/ my mom shopping and in the evening went to the church for a little bit, but I wasnt feeling very good so we left early. Sunday, ok getting too far back for my bad memory, something about church, oh yeah, then lunch w/ friends, then a meeting, then shopping then home at 8 pm after being out all day! It was a super busy week and yesterday my body decided I needed a break so I slept in and even took an afternoon nap, all which left me unable to sleep last night! I'm hoping this week is much less eventful but it doesnt look to be. I'm very grateful my PTC symptoms are better because I could never have done all of this w/ my condition still flaring up. now if these stupid ovarian cyst would go away, still having pain from them! weeks later! I have an appt tomorrow so hopefully we'll figure out what to do next about it.

So this week ought to be fun and busy. Next Saturday is my nephews birthday party, so I will be decorating a dinosaur cake for him. Before that I have to keep working on organizing our church's egg hunt which will take place on April 10th at 11 am at Centennial Park in Columbia for all my local readers!! we're hoping to hand out fliers at a shopping center next Sunday to advertise and I need to blitz local stores and libraries w/ fliers this week when I can. which means I need to finish up the flier I made. Fun Fun Fun.

Hope everyone is doing well and maybe I wont be so busy that I cant write this week!!!

well, I dont feel better, but feel better knowing that I have two ovarian cysts and there was also a shadow on the ultrasound so the dr said that may also be a cyst but it was on the ovary so they couldnt see it. It explains these horrible mid month cramps and back pain at least. today has been pretty bad. So two, possibly three cysts! I've never known that I've had that many, I've had one show up before when I've had ultrasounds but never more than that. So I'd guess that I also had them or different ones last month since last month was also very painful. So now I follow up with the dr in two weeks and also then get a cat scan to see if it shows anything else.

I was told the only thing they could do is put me on the pill but thats not even an option for me since you cant take the pill when you have pseudo tumor. Somehow the pill keeps you from getting cysts or at least cuts down on the frequency of them. So guess now at least we know I can get pregnant!! that would help, i'd at least not get a cyst then!! So nothing to do really for them. a few years ago when I had them the dr said to cut out caffiene. I did that and have stuck to it, suprisingly except for today and yesterday but only because we only had regular pepsi in the fridge and i kept forgetting to buy more diet caffiene free. but that wont affect how I feel today, apparently caffeine can cause cysts or at least worsen the chances of them. Now i can at least stop worrying that it was something major, I mean it's not good, but it's not going to kill me! although earlier today I was in so much pain I wondered....So maybe next month if I cut out completely on caffiene, unfortunately that probably means I should cut out chocolate just to be safe, and I oh soooo love chocolate!!

I'm heading out for a girls night out at church, we're getting together at the church, some people may sleep over even, and playing games, getting massages, pedicures, scrapbooking, stamping, anything your little heart desires. I stocked up today at Joanns' sale since all scrapbooking paper and some supplies were 50% off! I dropped some film off at walmart one hour and will pick it up right before I get to church, so scrapbook be prepared...you gonna get an update!!!! wohoo!

When I was a teenager and even as a pre-teen, I was called upon to be a babysitter for different families in the church. One family relied solely on me and as the kids got older kept referring to me as their nanny, and still do when they see me, and now they are in high school! I was loved by many a child and could enforce many rules and most of the time be listened to by the youngster. Today I cant even get my own son to listen to me. I have little to no patience left and feel like all I do all day when I babysit is yell and put kids in time out, my own included. They wont listen and often directly disobey. we've gotten to the point where one child no longer hits and scratches Caleb, which is an improvement, but aside from listening to that one rule no one listens to me. Today I just about had it, I was literally in tears over it.

I'm sure most of the problem w/ my own son is age, but since i went to the hospital in November he has stopped listening to me. He constantly calls for Dean all day and night long. I'm sure I'm not nearly as fun as I used to be since I"m always sick and if I'm not sick we're out running erands or going to drs appointments for me. It's no life for a two year old. I do my best to plan activities and take him places, on Monday we even went to Chuck E Cheese for lunch! we paint, play outside, go to the park, go over flashcards and other educational things. I do a lot with him, when I'm not feeling so bad that I cant do much but lay around and let him watch tv. I do alot with the kids that I babysit when they are here. but if they are not constantly doing planned activities then no one listens to me. Sure, structure is good, but I know these kids get more structure and activities here than some places but I dont always have the energy to plan and engage them in non stop messy artwork and planned activities for 10 hours a day. I'm exhausted and stressed beyond my capacity. I'm ready to throw in the towel. but I love the kids and it's good for Caleb have kids around, not to mention we need the money. it's only two days a week but the other days in between I'm stressing over how I'm going to be able to do it and worrying about planning things so they arent running around not listening to me all day. Today I admit I let them have more free time than usual and that ended up in craziness, but you should be able to let kids play and have fun w/out constantly fussing at them to stop fighting or to stop getting trouble or yelling at them for not doing what I said to do the first time! maybe I'm crazy but I know when I taught preschool it was not this hard.

I dont know what I'm going to do. I feel bad for not being able to watch kids just twice a week, when I know people watch kids full time and can do it. I also feel bad I cant hold down a regular job as is because of how sick I always am. I used to be able to do this and be fine, granted it wasnt for such long periods of time but still, it shouldnt be this hard right? three kids ages 3 and under? I am sure if I was healthier I wouldnt be having as many problems, but I cant do anything about that. I'm upset and dont know what to do or where to turn. at least tomorrow is friday.....

I hate insurance companies, and really hate drs offices. Two weeks ago i went to my PCP for a sinus infection and my chronic back pain. she said then that they'd order a cat scan for my pelvis/abdomen to find out what was going on. they changed that after I had normal urine lab work come back and said that the insurance company wouldnt auth the cat scan w/ those test results. she said if the pain got worse to call and they'd try to get auth based on increased pain. so last monday I called and they started the process of trying to get auth for the cat scan again. On wednesday I called, still waiting. after still having not heard from them I called today and was told that the way the dr put in the order that the insurance company would approve a pelvic cat scan but not an abdominal one, and her order asked for both. and my dr is out all week so cant change the order. I just got told that another dr will decide this week if they just want to order a pelvic cat scan. I told them I just had a pelvic u/s on Saturday and am waiting on those results,I dont know what would show up diffrently on a pelvic cat scan then a pelvic u/s, but hopefully telling them I had the other done will help them decide what to do about a cat scan. I dont care I just want answers. I've been having bad back pain and stomach cramps for days now. the cramps come and go as does the back pain but when I have it its prettty bad. I thought I could handle it but it's hard to function w/ that pain, a sinus infection and taking care of kids. It's only tuesday...argh! I wish it were Friday already. at least then I'd have Dean for the weekend soon, right now I have nothing but 5:30 to look forward to and even then I'm not to excited because Dean will have things to do and I probably wont get any rest. life is so difficult for me lately. I really need to feel better soon or I'm gonna lose what little sanity I have left.

Days like these make me think everyone would be better off w/out me in their lives. Heck, I wish I wasnt alive, this pain is horrible. I cant function yet I agreed yesterday that I was ok enough to babysit today, dumb dumb dumb. now I'm have 3 kids here and can barely see straight because my head hurts so much. I dont want sympathy I just want a miracle cure. I guess getting sympathy would be easier. why does my life have to be so difficult? I know there are people out there in worse shape then me....but I know that being sick for the 4th week (at least)in a row is not normal. I do know I am blessed but right now all i can see and feel is the pain. The weather out echoes my mood, it's rainy/snowy and cold, when yesterday it was warm enough to not wear coats and sunshiny. BLAH!!!!

Tip for the day: do not attempt to paint a rather large living room and hallway whilst a toddler naps while battling a sinus infection. I feel like crashing but the room is only half done if that....couldnt move the fish tank and entertainment center so worked on a wall or two and the hallway....what a mess. now the room looks crazy!!

caleb was already coughing now I"m sure paint fumes wont help either one of us, but I'm trying to keep myself busy so I dont worry about those dumb u/s results....luckily it's nice out so all the windows are open and the sun is shining in....that should help our colds...but they are calling for snow tonight?!?!? goofy weather!

have a happy Monday!!

well the ultrasound went ok, I guess. of course the technician wont tell you anything, all I got out of her was dont worry. But....being as obesrvant as I am...she noted and measured one, I think maybe two, unless I saw something off the one time....black circles that looked to be outside of the uterus. she wrote on the screen, low sac several times. so now I wait to find out what that means. she said it wont get looked at til monday to be read and that the dr usuallygets a report 2-3 days later, so looking at wednesday but more than likely Thursday for concrete answers. but since then my stomach and back pain is getting worse, so hopefully either the pain will ease up or the results will come in quicker. other than that, feeling crappy w/ this sinus stuff still. BLAH!!! thats getting to be one of my most favorite words to write.

A great message today at church, it was odd though, I sat w/ two people I dont know becuase I was running a few minutes late and Dean ended up working in the nursery at the last minute. I'm so used to being w/ Dean, it felt good though to be undistracted!! I didnt have to worry about Caleb either since he was with dean. So it worked out well, at least for me, and Dean felt good since he got to serve. On the way to lunch I helped a lady out and then on the way home we stopped and helped two young guys jump their battery. It felt good to help others. Thats what our journey is all about right? I'm glad we're seeing more oppurtunities to serve, even if it's not in our schedule for the day, or rather especially when it's not. I think those are the best chances, the times when God knows where you will be and when someone needs help, and ta-dah- a great oppurtunity to serve your fellow man. It's great, I wish our society would learn how important it is to be there to serve one another, even if it seems petty and like it might interfere w/ their day. we miss out on so many chances to build community and relationships because we get so content to stick to our selfish ways. well thats my gripe for the day.

well I'm off to a sunday nap w/ my heating pad.....seems like it's getting to be routine lately, naps w/ the heating pad....I'll be so glad to have some answers soon. despite my illnesses lately, I'm doing so much better energy wise now that I'm off those meds w/ the horrible side effects. I am doing a lot more each day even when I feel bad. thats a great thing, to be busy and know I at least have the energy for it, if I could just get rid of the other stuff like excrutiating pain, I'd be good to go!! well off to dreamland for me, while I have a chance...Sundays are great becuase Caleb usually always falls asleep on the way home from church and/or lunch and we just bring him in and put him in bed, so we either get free time, which Dean uses to play computer games, and I usually take advantage of a nap. hope everyone had a great weekend!

I'm a loser baby......well call me unprofessional, call me a failure....yeah...I've yet again succumbed to my illness and let my friends down. I had a choice yes, but in the end I guess I'm just selfish and want to get better. I'll feel guilty for a year or ten, but for today....I'm off for my ultrasound soon and then hopefully I'll come home and nap the afternoon away. If I'm lucky Caleb will nap well today too since he didnt yesterday.

i am so sick of being sick. I hate having to not do things because I feel bad. I want spring to arrive and with it I hope a new season of health for me....but thats a big dream. I'll settle for my voice back for today!! I'll settle for a pain free day. Just one day would be nice!!! Are you listening up there!?!?! Please say you are listening!?!?

Sometimes I hate doctors. Yesterday was one of those days. I am having a pelvic ultrasound done this morning to rule out any gyn problems causing my pain. Should be fun, ha! They tell you to drink a ton of water an hour before your appt then not go to the bathroom, heck I wish I could do that ever! let alone just not go to the bathroom every hour when I dont drink a bunch of water. Ought to be interesting. If anything I will go to the bathroom then drink more before I leave for my appt as it takes about 20 min to get to the place where I need to go.

Aside from that my psuedo tumor symptoms seem to be gone, or not as apparent since I stopped the meds, so maybe they were just making me feel worse. The only problem currently is my sinus infection I had two weeks ago and took an antibiotic for is back w/ a vengence which sucks because I'm supposed to do a Pampered Chef show today and my voice sounds horrible and my throat hurts. Figures when I try to work I get sick. This stinks.

Caleb and Dean have a touch of the sinus stuff too, so misery loves company huh? but I cant get over it for some reason. I just cant afford to be sick anymore. Just when I start to be doing better w/ the PTC I have all this other junk to deal with. My body just doesnt like me.

But there is good stuff to write about. we took Caleb to the circus for the first time yesterday. He loved it! I loved watching him love it. He says his favorite was the elephants and I think a close second is the clowns. He was so content and happy he fell asleep on the way home. And slept in his clothes all night!

well I need to get ready for my show or decide if it's worth contaminating the world w/ this stupid sinus infection....BLAH!! arent Saturdays supposed to be fun!!

my most recent cake creation


and our newest additions to the family



the old dishwasher

Thursday and Friday night our dishwasher kept leaking water. Friday night after making the cake and cleaning up Dean and were talking about what to do with our tax money. we had decided a month ago to pay of credit cards and buy bicycles. at the time i joked but of course if we plan it then something else will come up for us to spend our money on. soooo....Saturday morning I go to empty the diswasher and open the door and a bunch of parts to the dishwasher fell out of it. Dean tried to figure it out but it's an old dishwasher and ugly as is, so we thought we'd look around to see how much they cost. While doing this I fell in love w/ the thought of having a brand new stove to match a new dishwasher. Dean liked the idea too. that morning we had paid off 3 credit cards so we stuck to half of our plan and still have money to pay off the other 3 credit cards we were going to pay off, its just a matter of waiting to get Dean's paycheck on Friday to make sure we have food money too!! So we can probably still do everything we wanted to do and have a new dishwasher and stove!! Amazing!

the best part was that we were out looking and of course I didnt want to spend a whole bunch but Dean's thought was get the best, but I wanted money for other things too. So we looked around and knew we had time to decide so there was no rush. So while Caleb naps after shopping dean checks out the online classifieds and finds an ad for a dishwasher and stove new in box for $450. I was skeptical, wondered if it was stolen goods or something. but dean sets up to see them that night and turns out the couple live in a really new housing development, still had paper street names up!! and Ryland homes picked out their appliances and wouldnt let them get their own, so they convinced their contractor to not install the stove and dishwasher but to install the ones they bought themselves and were now just trying to get rid of the other ones that Ryland homes made them buy as the package deal for their kitchen. So we paid cash and had them saturday night. Yesterday some friends helped Dean install the dishwasher and now our kitchen looks so much better and I just cant wait to bake a cake!! heck people loved my cakes before, now I have a brand spankin new stove that will probably bake much better....cant wait !!! wohoo!!! best part is I wasnt expecting to do this weekend but we did. I know some people dont need dishwashers but I do. I've become spoiled, and our stove was used and now we wont have to worry about replacing either appliance for quite some time so it was a good investment, and a great deal!! it was like a two for the price of one!!

well had a drs appt this morning, the dr again decided I should be ok to go off my meds, if he says so. not sure how he can say I am in remission when I still have symptoms. but I dont care. being off meds means being able to try to get pregnant. so whatever. I'll deal with the symptoms, I already am just dealing now w/ them and being on meds. Soo...I have an appt w/ the gyn friday anyway, so we'll see what she says about getting pregnant now. I soooo want another baby and so does Dean so this is a blessing to be able to think about it. This time I dont think I'll call the dr so quickly if I feel bad after stopping the meds. I'm going to try to do without them no matter what. he said I should be able to so I am going to do my best to prove his point, I just hope my body cooperates this time round.

months ago I had become determined that I would do my best to make Deans birthday very memorable for him this year. As the day got closer and the worse I began to feel the less likely that was becoming. We celebrated last friday w/ dinner and a great cake a made and his family was here so that was wonderful. this week as I was so sick, I knew that his birthday would be just another day. but I made myself get out of bed and make the most of the day even though I felt horrible. At the last minute I decided to invite caleb and I to meet w/ Dean for lunch, something we never do since it's hard due to where Dean works. We had a great lunch and after dropping Dean back at work caleb and I went to the playground. I was also determined to make him a halfway decent birthday cake but it was already 2 pm and caleb just was going down for a nap. so i ended up w/ a not so nice looking cake, well as bad as a cake can look that I've made... but I was quite dissappointed, still cant figure out what I did to make the icing not turn out right. but everyone liked it so that was all that really mattered.

we were supposed to have lasagna for dinner, but again it was 2 pm before i remembered to thaw it and then was excited to read I could cook it froze, so after reading the cook times thought I'd be set to put it in at 4:30 and have it ready at 6, but at 5 when I was already late to pick up dean and hadnt put it in yet and re-checked the box for the oven temp before putting it in I realized I'd read the instructions for convenction oven not conventional oven!! it wouldnt be ready til at the earliest 7 pm!!! our guests were arriving at 6:15 or so I thought at the time. so I stressed and decided we'd have spaghetti and that I'd cook it when we got home from getting dean, which as I said we already were running late to do. So our guests call and said they wont be there for another hour, so we could have had lasagna!!! doh!! oh well, the spaghetti was good and so was the cake. it all worked out, but the last thing I needed as I was feeling horrible was all that stress!!! but it ended up being a great night!!! great conversations were had and it was all so worth it.

looking back I do believe I did the best I could have to make it a memorable birthday for Dean, considering the circumstances of the day and how I felt. but who knows. I had a great time and so did he and Caleb and thats memory enough for me!

Well it's almost time to put the baby down for morning nap and get the kids some art time....so gotta run.... right now they are playing w/ little people....they are so darn cute sometimes...the kids and the little people!!!

happy birthday dean!

this says it all.....

well.....as soon as I finish writing the dr calls, the lab work came back and looked fine. so she said that doesnt mean I dont have a kidney problems, but that the insurance probably wont auth the cat scan soooo ....she said to call if the pain gets really bad again and then she'll try to get it approved again for increased pain....or some other dx....so now we wait to see if it happens again. I pray it doesnt. that my back just stays fine and doesnt hurt anymore, that would be my dream.....we'll see. but for now I just want to go to sleep....

I think I am dying!!! no really, it's just sinus infection. but it's horrible!!!! i went to the dr yesterday and got an antibiotic and I think it's working, i feel a little better, but then again I'm also taking a decongestant now. On top of that, the dr is going to schedule a cat scan to check for kidney stones. For at least 5 months I've been having severe back pain but it's sporadic. So yesterday I told the dr about it and my concern that the one med I am on causes stones and that the pain didnt feel like a strained back and was feeling worse this last month. so turned out she didnt have the current meds I'm on listed on my chart and she immediately changed her tune and now is going to look into whats causing my back problems. the insurance company, which is recently given us all sorts of hassles lately, wouldnt authorize the cat scan until I got lab work done, so we're waiting for the lab results to come back today or tomorrow to see if the insurance company will auth the cat scan, my guess is if they wont do it under the dx code she's using she'll change the dx code to get it through or do a different type of test instead. soooo we wait on that, but right now the back pain is under control, its the dumb sinus infection thats driving me mad.

inspite of how I feel phsyically I feel emotionally great, the weather outside is wonderful! my wonderful hubby stayed home today so I could stay in bed, and I am writing from the laptop laying in bed. He opened the windows so I could enjoy the nice weather. He tried to open the blinds to show me how nice it was but the sun was too bright for my sensitive eyes. I'm hoping after a nap to get up and go sit outside for a bit while the boys play outside. It's so beautiful. I am sure the fresh air will help me feel better. but the sunshine is making my head hurt more.... another reason we need curtains in our room. we have blinds right now but they are still pretty bright.

well enough whining. Dean's birthday is tomorrow!!! Dont think we're doing anything really to celebrate since we went out a lot last weekend, but not sure what the weekend holds yet.

well gonna rest while Dean and the kid are out and about running errands.....

Dean's kite birthday cake!!! there was no design, I made it all up myself! I am quite proud of myself, especially since it wasnt until 8 am on Friday that I thought of it and by 2 pm I had the cake made and was happy with it. So Dean's parents were here and Friday night we went out for a nice dinner and came home to cake!! It was soooo yummy!!!