Shew! Did I complain yet about how bad these headaches are getting??!?!? I had a Pampered Chef show scheduled for tonight but cancelled this past Wednesday because I hardly got any RSVPs and because of the weather situation, our road is still quite slippery. The way I've been feeling for the last two days, it was a good decision because I dont think I could have hosted the show tonight. I did end up w/ enough orders to count as a show though, so that helps. The greatest part was giving away the host benefits, I had planned on doing a drawing to see who would win the benefits of hosting which include points for free stuff and great discounts. the person who won was excited and said she never wins anything, I am glad she can pick out free stuff! If anyone wants to place a Pampered Chef order send me an email or even if you'd like to host a show. It could be as easy as gathering 6 or more orders from your friends and then enjoying the host benefits as a catalog show and you wont even have to have people over! You can look online at products or I can mail you a catalog. Well thats my plug! I love these products and am glad I can earn them for free or at great discounts by being a consultant! Just send me a email if you want to know more!!
The juror is in, or rather the doctors orders. I am going to try the Topamax again, it's the med I was on before around Thanksgiving that helped me lose all the weight but made me crazy! But the hope is that taking it alone, as opposed to w/ the diamox as before, helps the side effects. I'm all for doing something to lose weight, but the point is we cant focus on getting pregnant right now. The headaches and spots are a lot worse this week, so I am almost ok with going back on meds. The dr said my eyes look fine, which is good news, but doesnt explain the spots I'm seeing. So I have to see the eye dr again, and I didnt like how the last appointment w/ him went, so I'm not quite looking forward to it. I'm feeling particularly bad today, not sure what the difference is, probably just because I didnt sleep well last night, due to all the stress. I've got another pressing health matter I'm worried about but dont want to talk about freely yet, I am hoping that after my drs appointments that I have for Monday wil help relieve alot of stress related to that matter and then I can hopefully talk about it, or at least can not stress so much about it. They're calling for a huge wintry mess Sunday - Tuesday next week, I am so hoping it doesnt affect my doctors appointment. Luckily Dean will be home so I am hoping if the weather is bad he'll drive me to my two appointments.
Well I hope everyone has a great weekend, we're going to have a busy one, and hopefully it will be good too!
Well I did what I've been dreading, I called my neurologist and left a message saying my symptoms are worsening. I'm feeling in general better than I have been, but thats because a major part of why I was feeling so crappy before was the medicine. now it's just a different kind of not feeling good, and even so , I dont always feel bad now. On the meds I almost always felt bad. Now I just have problems w/ my vison and headaches. Which is better than the list of ailments I had on the medicine. But this is more serious than before. This means my body needs the medicine to treat my condition, even if it causes me other problems. Not sure what the dr will say or recommend, I'm sure whatever he says will upset me. Heck, the receptionist, seeing as they all know me so well, asked, you stopped the medicine because you were going to try to get pregnant right? I said yes. She asked next, so are you pregnant now? I held back a tear and said no. She was very nice about it and apologized and told me it took her and hubby 2 1/2 years to get pregnant.l After I got off the phone w/ her though I was in tears. It's only been 2 weeks since I saw the dr last, not like I could really be or know if I was preggo yet, but still, the fact is, we hadnt even started trying really yet because I have 2 drs appointments on monday that I was waiting to have before starting to try, but it is possible we could be pregnant now, but we didnt make a point of it, I didnt chart like I should have. and like I said, I wouldnt know it yet, it's still kind of early. Plus I'm still on the one medicine that I need to stop and that process is supposed to start tomorrow, if I had been feeling well. I know, I'm sure this is way too much info for you, but I cant talk to anyone right now because my best friend is at work and Dean's in training and cant be reached. Like I said I dont know what happens now, it might not be as bad I think it will be but theres no way for me to know. I guess I'll go wait for the phone to ring.....just hope it doesnt wake up the slumbering kids!
Dean posted these pics of me from my senior year of high school. I find it hard everytime I look at old pics from high school. I used to believe I was overweight, a size 8 sometimes a 10, mostly due to my chest size not my stomach size. Looking at these pics I'd die to be that skinny again. I wouldnt know how to get back to that point other than starvation and excessive working out, and I dont have the energy for that. I feel horrible about my size and weight right now. I have for a while. Yet I still continue to eat like I do and dont have the energy to work out much and I know I'd need a gym membership to get me what I really need, but we dont have the money for it. So I guess I'll have to look for a good work out video until we can afford a gym membership and cut out my carbs again soon. I hate to do it but I know it's effective, or rather that cutting carbs works best for me.
Luckily my hubby is very supportive and tells me he loves how I look, granted I find it hard to believe that since it was my senior year of high school when he truly fell in love w/ me, and I know I was a different person then. I guess that's what marriage and unconditional love it about, but I still struggle with it. I guess if I know I am unhappy about my weight than surely he is too. But he disagrees. Being stuck indoors w/ nothing to do but veg out in front of the tv w/ snacks isnt helping much, but I guess It's my own fault for not getting off my ass and doing something. Maybe I'll start running up and down the stairs while Caleb naps, that would be exercise right? Blah. I hate exercise. Not really, I just dont know how I'll find time for it w/ Caleb let alone do it on my own. Any ideas would be much appreciated.
In other news, also spurring my ideas I need to watch my weight..... I've been off diamox since Friday and I am able to enjoy soda and foods again. Taste buds arent back 100% but I notice I am eating more. Which is bad. The worst part of being off the medicine so far is that the headaches and spots in my eyes are getting worse. I dont want to call the dr becuase then we'll be back on the meds or at least putting off trying to get pregnant longer to see if it's just adjusting to being off the meds. But I know it's not good to jeopardize my vision either. I'll wait a day or two more to see how I am feeling.
Well more snow is coming down, again. Gotta love winter, well not really, I do actually hate it. if it were a person, winter that is, I'd say they were unpredictable, chilling, suspenseful yet having a calming nature...well I was going somewhere w/ that, but my headache took away my current thought....i'll try to be more inspired later....
It's Tuesday, the day I should be babysitting. But once again, I'm not. Yesterday was snowy, today is icy. They were calling for 1/4 in of ice but not until this evening, BUT we've already got 1/4 inch or more of ice on everything! So, today we wait to see what else we get. by tomorrow we are expected to get that other coating of ice then later 3 inches of snow or so. Then more messy weather will arrive on Friday! So needless to say we probably wont leave the house for a while, well Caleb and I. Dean made it out to work yesterday afternoon and he just headed out a little while ago but is taking it slow. I wish he'd stay home, he can work from home and I wont have to stress over him getting in an accident. I was up bright and early stressing over how bad it was and if my friend would endanger themselves to get the kids here, luckily when I called I was rousing her from bed, so no babysitting today.
Meanwhile we are still dogsitting. That was going well but yesterday I left a pair of my shoes on the porch so I wouldnt get snow everywhere and forgot to bring them in the next time I let the dog in, and when I looked out to check on the dog he had tore up one of my shoes! He also tore up a cup that we had out there that we were using to poor salt w/. The first couple of days he was fine, but I guess he's either getting homesick or bored or both and thus the destroying things. He has also figured out how to open our front gate, not sure how but he does. So while dean was out cleaing off the icy car the dog got out and didnt come back for about an hour, and then I had to trick him to get him in the house. He's escaped at least 4 times! Today I am not letting him out unless I take him out on the leash because I cant go out chasing him in this icy mess w/ a toddler in tow. I am sure he might come back, but since he's not used to being here I'm concerned he wont. when Dean tried to leave after the dog escaped, the dog chased the car down the road and he probably would have chased him farther had dean not come back in an attempt to get the dog back in the house. I wanted a dog, now I"m just getting annoyed. It's like he's trying to drive me nuts. I know he's probably not but it's still frustrating.
Hopefully the weather clears up soon but it's not looking to be a good week ahead weather wise. I just hope we dont go nuts being stuck inside for awhile. Hope everyone is staying warm and safe!
What a weekend! Well, Caleb was sick Thursday, I was sick off and on all week, and we tried to be well enough to go out Friday night and managed a good evening in that ended in playing games w/ friends til midnight while we got about 1 1/2 inches of snow! Saturday we went to a birthday party in the afternoon after spending the morning out enjoying the snow and even managed in a walk to the park since we are dogsitting, I think we enjoyed it more than the dog though, it was great seeing Caleb enjoy the snow and the dog! Last night Dean started to not feel so good and sure enough today he's been in bed all day w/ a stomach bug, probably the same one Caleb and I had. I'm glad I managed to not get the vomitting part of it, so far. So today I"ve tried to entertain dog and kid alone, which is hard because I so want to be able to spend the day w/ Dean , and I hate seeing him so miserable!
We are supposed to get 4-8 inches of snow overnight, it just started snowing about 30 minutes ago and everything is already covered w/ snow, again! They arent predicting a very good rush hour for the morning, which is fine since I think Dean will probably be calling in sick anyway. I just hope that I dont get any sicker than I've been this week, but it comes w/ the job I guess. i'd happily take the illness if I could take it away from Dean, he looks so sad!! My poor boys! Caleb and the dog kept trying to rouse Dean and play w/ him, but that just made Dean more miserable.
It's been so nice having a dog around. I thought it would drive me nuts, but this is a great dog. he's pretty big too, which makes it hard when he likes to lay w/ you in bed or lay on the couch next to you. He pretty much has to be near you no matter where you are. I went down to do laundry and he went w/ me, found a seat for himself on the futon as I did laundry! I thought he went back upstairs when I went into my office, but as I turned to leave my office an hour later , he was laying right next to my chair! Caleb keeps playing with him, or sitting in front of the dog as he lays on the floor. It's too cute. I told Dean if I coud clone this dog I'd be happy, but I know that theres a slim to non chance we'll ever get a dog this good! But I can dream. I think we'll all miss him when he leaves on Tuesday.
Well I've had a long day but I"ve been feeling so good w/out the med I am not that worn out. I usually am drained of energy by 10 am, but since I"ve stopped the diamox I've got a lot more energy. The headaches has subsided some, which is great, I will just keep praying they stay away for awhile! Now if we could just get this stomach bug out of the house....
Hope everyone has a warm and safe Monday, hopefully mine will be spent lazing around w/ Dean, Caleb, and Mystery(the dog).
I have one more pill of diamox to take and then we're done, hopefully! I was able to almost enjoy a soda this week, for those who dont know, it makes soda taste metallic. So now that the dosage is lower or the fact I havent had a soda in months, it's tasting better to me. So all next week we wait to see if I get worse or not, if not the next week we start lowering my lasix dosage until I'm off of it. I"m already experiencing some worsening headaches but I keep trying to excuse them away as something else, wishful thinking I guess. I am sure if they are PTC headaches then they'll just get much worse after tomorrow when I"ve not had this medicine to control my increased spinal fluid. But if it's not PTC headaches then the hope is all next week I am fine. If not I will have to make the dreaded call to the dr and tell him that I might need to stay on the diamox but we're going to keep praying that the headaches and other symptoms go away so I can be med free and then on our way to baby making, but I'm a little doubtful today as my head keeps hurting, but ....could be a zillion things, stress is a big one but we're actually not dealing w/ a lot of stress right now so I'd be suprised if that was an issue. Hormones, shouldn't be dealing w/ that this week, so it's not good to be having these headaches, but it could be worse.
thanks go out to the Galleghers for providing dinnner for us last night! It was great! Caleb is feeling better today, definately some sort of stomach bug but he's eaten today and is playing more so things are looking up! It was so thoughtful of them to make a meal for us! Thanks a bunch!!!!
I'm getting a little bummed about my part time job, you know the PC Consulting stuff. In an attempt to have people over and to sell some products, I'm hosting a show at my place next Friday. I sent out 50 invites in the mail and emailed at least 15 more people who didnt recieve snail mail invites. I've gotten no RSVP's of yes! One person has placed an order. One out of 65, and still not one yes. Guess I just need to find 60 more of my closest friends and family to invite. I know people do this for full time jobs, maybe I"m not trying hard enough, but I dont know where else to turn. I really like entertaining and hosting, so it's really not all about the money. I actually hate asking people to buy things, it's just not in my nature, maybe why I'm not succeeding at this. but I personally love these products, and they are great! I'm not completely biased, as I've seen many a people rave over the products who aren't consultants for the company. I guess I'm just in a rut. I thought for sure once I was up and feeling to it I could succeed at this, but looks like yet again failed attempt at trying to work outside the home for me. Guess it's just not my thing. I can change diapers, do laundry, clean house and cook, so at least I have some skills, too bad you cant get paid well for these thing! Just griping. Not that I expect anyone to buy stuff if they dont need it or have the money to, but heck who doesnt want to come eat and socialize!?!?! Enough whining, dont come if you read this and feel guilty, this is my place to share I need to feel comfortable doing so. I dont want to know you came becuase I made you feel bad. thanks for listening! (or reading, as it is w/ blogs)
Life drives me nuts! This was to be my first week babysitting two times a week, as opposed to just once. Caleb and I were out all day yesterday, from 7:50 am til 7:50 pm. He was fine, he had a ball visiting his grandparents. He saw Dean briefly before going to sleep and awoke several times at night calling to Dean. I thought it was just becuase he hadnt really seen him all day. But at 6 when he called I went to check on him because it sounded like he was gagging or throwing up and his shirt was wet and he was laying on the floor and the floor was a little wet. I guess he threw up a little. But I wasnt sure. Didnt know if he drooled on his shirt in his sleep or something so I just kept watching him. The kids arrive and I warn my friend he is acting odd and may have thrown up. As soon as she leaves he throws up all over the kitchen floor. Great. I tried to separate the kids but they just didnt understand why they had to be in separate rooms and toddlers do not like baby gates! Caleb even figured how to climb over it!!
needless to say, the kids got picked up by their mom and I"m trying to figure out whats wrong w/ caleb. He's got a low fever but I gave him tylenol to hopefully take the pain away, he keeps holding his stomach and saying owie. So it must hurt becuase this child has a high pain tolerance usually. So much for trying to watch the kids twice this week.
Everytime I"ve tried to go back to work full time outside the home or not, something always happened. Last time I got a full time job I got sick , then caleb got sick, then the car broke down. It's like all the forces in the world are working against my working. So maybe being a stay at home mom of one is my destiny, but tell that to our check book! Blah!
Our poor little boy keeps laying around on the floor calling for his Daddy. I cant do anything to comfort him , I hate this so much. He always wants Daddy when he's sick but Daddy cant come home from work or neither one of us will have any money!
I'm just going to keep praying I dont get sick, but I've had a horribke headache for 3 days and my stomach was a mess yesterday, so it might be too late. So at least it's Thursday, two more days til the weekend!
God's birthday gift for me: SNOW!!! we drove to PA last yesterday leaving here around 5:30 to head out to a PC Banquet and on the way it started snowing. It didnt stop until sometime after we got home in bed. The PA roads were a mess driving home at 10 pm on a Saturday night, but luckily we made it home safely. As soon as we hit the MD line the road conditions were much better, our travelling companions told me this would happen but I didnt believe it until I saw the huge difference. We finally arrived to pick the kids up from our friends house shortly before midnight! But it was worth it. I had a good time and won a great door prize!! But I was so glad to be home safely, I hate driving in snow or even just rain sometimes. In PA there was at least 2 inches but here at home we only ended up w/ that, I mean in PA it was that much at 10 pm, it was after 2 more hours of snow here by the time we made it home and it wasnt that bad. For that I am truly grateful. Have big plans for today too!! It's been a great weekend, I can honestly say I've never had such a memorable birthday, not a whole 3 days of celebration like this. The best memory I hold onto is of a date w/ Dean on my birthday,we had either just started dating again, or were in the process of deciding that, and he made me butterscotch pudding and we watched a movie at his place. I guess the best memories were of just being w/ him, being together, young and in love. My hubby is the first guy in my life who ever asked me if it was ok to kiss me before he did, I think that's why I kept him around so long, he was a keeper!!! It's been great 7 years after that date where he was so sweet, he continues to get sweeter and sweeter. I have an incredible husband and am so blessed by his love in my life. Thanks honey!!!
In an attempt to get way too much done and still get in an afternoon , the end of my day turned into a nightmare. I had to shower and get ready to take a meal to a friend who just had a baby, get Caleb together, make sure we had stuff together to head out to get Dean immediately after dropping off the dinner, then get Dean go to my moms for dinner and hang out for my birthday dinner. I didnt get ready to shower and get myself ready til 3 after resting some and as I went to get in the shower Caleb awoke which meant no shower or showering w/ him, which he loves so we went for that option. But that takes longer and I still had to make the meal I was taking to our friends house where I was supposed to be at 4 pm! I was a wreck. I run around like crazy getting us together only realizing at the last frantic minute I didnt know how to get to where I was going. After trying to get directions over the phone w/ Caleb bothering me I decided to first get us loaded in the car and on our way then call for the directions. Ended up being only a five minute drive to drop off dinner but I was late which made me late to pick up Dean which made dinner later.
Despite my horrible attitude and feeling sick, as soon as I sat and talked w/ my friend and her new baby I felt a little better. Seeing Dean come towards the car w/ a huge bouqet of flowers also added to my delight! Then we had a great dinner w/ my mom and step dad topped off w/ an ice cream cake, yum!! We stayed there awhile, long enough to watch Joan of Arcadia, then headed home. Caleb crashed in the car and I started to arrange my flowers while Dean went out the car for something, he brought in my present. Deluxe Scrabble!! I told him the other day I"d really wanted it and he got it!! he's done great this year at suprising me, I am truly impressed. Now if he could just get that I really do like a birthday card, actually that would be all I'd like if it meant he remembered that too!! For some reason he just doesnt buy cards, for any occasion, drives me batty. he knows it drives me nuts, but he still wont go buy a dumb card!!! But I am happy. So w/ Caleb asleep we played my new game, only to be slightly dissappointed at how the Deluxe Scrabble is different than the game I remember playing w/ my grandmom many years ago. Where'd the Qu peices go? and the deluxe board is not quite as deluxe as the one we used to have, it's actually kind of cheaply made. I guess what I wanted was the Classis game!! which is probably still under my grandmoms couch just waiting for me to come play it, maybe I'll ask her about it soon. I think maybe if I could just see it and know that my memories were right that would help. But despite my let down about that, it's still great. And even though Dean is usually bad at word games he ended up beating me by about 15 points!! Guess thats what I get for winning the game we got him for Christmas the first time we played it! better luck next time I guess! So so far my birthday weekend is shaping up nicely,and it's still only Friday!!!
There is hope for us yet!!!! I had an appt today w/ the neurologist, and after him telling me the headaches were most likely tension headaches and not from the pseudo tumor, he said we'd still continue to stop the diamox and start me on a headache medicine that would help me sleep at night too. The thought sounded good to me, until I asked the million dollar question: can I be on these 2 meds and get pregnant? He said more than likely not, he couldnt remember if it was safe in the first part of pregnancy or the last, that he could check, but I told him I'd deal with the headache pain and see what happens. So if all goes well, in a month I'll be med free and when I go to my gyn appt on Feb 2nd we can discuss my screwy cycles and getting pregnant!! So hopefully in a month or two we'll be back to trying for baby # 2. I was gonna keep quiet about it until after I was off the meds, but I am too excited about it. I am fairly certain I can deal with the symptoms fine off the meds, we just have to make sure my vision stays the same. If I start having more visual problems we'll have to start the meds again, but when I was pregnant w/ Caleb I am almost 100% certain I was so sick, 9 months of horrendous morning sickness, becuase I had PTC but it was still undiagnosed. They induced my pregnancy because I was having ptc symptoms but said it was the blood pressure causing it, or toxemia even though the tests showed I didnt have toxemia. So, if I got pregnant and had this before I am sure I can do it again, it wasnt a wonderful 9 months, and I lost weight while I was pregnant, but I'd go through anything. The biggest problem will be the getting pregnant part, I soooo dont want to use Clomid but I am sure this time we will need more intervention than we did last time just because of everythings that happened lately w/ my cycles. But I'll be hopeful! the thought of trying again is very exciting!!
I know since we had a hard time getting preggo before and things are definitely going on w/ my cycles, it may take a while, and with my 25th birthday just a day away I dont want to wait too much longer. yes, I know we are young, but w/ PTC infertility is common and the longer my cycles go on like this the less likely we'll be to get preggo, not to mention I dont want Caleb to be too much older than child # 2 if we can do anything about it. I know it may not be in God's will for us now, and if so fine, but I want to at least try!!! Keep having to put that off makes it harder since I Know the older I get the less likely it will be that we'll have another child of our own. So think baby thoughts for us , well in a month, I have a month total before I am completely weaned off these meds, but I am doing it my own, the dr told me what to do and I dont have to see or call him unless I get worse w/out the meds. We would have been closer to being med free if the dr got my message last week and this would have been the week we started to stop the other med I am on, but his staff has not been giving him my messages lately, and instead of harrasing them I just waited for my appt today which added an extra week to the treatment plan. So....I'm in a general good mood today, despite my still annoying back pain and headache, but I can deal with it for today. Got lots of birthday plans this weekend that I am looking forward to. Happy Birthday to Cheryl tomorrow too! And congrats to Dana on her great baby news !!
My morning started much as usual, with the all too familiar awakening to still feeling completely exhausted that only worsened as I got out of bed and got ready. Knowing today we were going to have to go grocery shopping didnt help any either, it's always a chore when I have to take Caleb and we needed the essentials so we had to go. After stopping at the bank I had planned on going home to feed caleb breakfast, this after taking Dean to work, but Caleb told me he wanted to go to the store first and not home so thinking he was happy to go shopping I agreed. Got the essentials all loaded in the car and was ready to unlock the doors to put caleb, complete in his jammies still, into the car, but the key wouldnt work. It was my car. I could tell, I could see my cell phone right inside the dash where I had left it, and my purse was on the floor in the back seat, I had taken only my wallet in with me since we were just going in for milk and such. The key still wouldnt work and as soon as I muttered that the key was stupide the key broke in half, half stayed in the car lock. ARGH!! Like I said everything was in the car, including our milk and eggs!! I had to manage to get someones attention, I guess my tears and holding a toddler in his jammies wasnt enough to get people to notice, but finally I found a phone to use and talked to Dean. We have roadside assistance through hyundai and geico but of course the phone numbers for both were in the glove box! Since we have just the one car Dean couldnt help me, so he told me to check w/ the grocery store on what to do. So again after having to yell at a worker there that I needed help and being told to wait, they not so politely told me that the police dont help w/ that sort of thing anymore and asked my 20 questions about why I didnt have a spare w/ me and why I didnt have someone who could help me, all being none of their business! Finally asked to use the phone again and tried to reach Geico but got no answer at the one number I had, so Dean started calling people who might be around to help. My poor friend had to come get us, she lives 20 minutes away, and our house was only like 5 minutes from the store, but it was sooo cold out, if it had been warmer I probably would have walked home w/ caleb. It's a good mile or two, but we could do it, if it had been warmer. thankfully I was easily able to find my spare key at home and then had roadside assistance come to the house to fix the key that was stuck in the door for free! I am so glad I have friends who can come help so easily. Caleb hated having to sit in the back seat w/a big kid seatbelt since we had no car seat for him, and that bothered me, but it was worth it. I was so happy to get home two hours after taking Dean to work. What a mess!!! I hope everyone else had a better day than me!!
I just want to crawl into bed and stay there for a week or five..........BLAH!!!! Too bad I cant even get one day off.....did I mention lately that my birthday is this weekend, I was looking forward to it, but not really. Looking forward to getting it done w/. Birthdays always stir up too much family junk for me to think about and thats the last thing I need now, more junk in my already screwed up little head.
AAAAHHH! I am super grouchy today, not sure why other than the fact I've spent every day since Friday painting my office and now I hate it! I had it mostly done on Friday but when Dean got home he thought I was doing something different than what I had done and me feeling guilty about it being his house too felt like I had to oblige him, so since then we took the room I loved and turned into a room I hate! BLAH! And it's MY office!! But at least today I can say it's one project I got done, even if it's because I wore myself out doing it, okay doing more than 75% of the work myself w/ an already injured back, but it's done. Well except for the ceiling, which is a whole project that will take Dean to deal with, but for now the room is much more usable to me. Even if I hate how it looks. Hoping after I'm doing grouching about it I can learn to like it.
We went to see Madison Greene in concert last night, and it would have been great had my back not been killing me. But it was still great, and I told Dean I would have liked nothing better for my birthday week than seeing them for the first time, so it was worth it. Caleb went with us and he had a ball dancing around to the music all evening. I love seeing him enjoy music. I had a hard time accepting that people could jus sit and not feel the music. It takes a lot for me not to get excited about music, even if its not my style, I almost immediately pick up on a beat and start tapping my leg, but people just sat in their chairs for hours after 2 bands rocked!! I loved seeing Caleb feel what I felt, and hopefully our taking him to concerts as he grows up will give him the oppurtunity to be able to continue to feel the music even when he's older.
A friend is in the hospital this weekend and we're not sure when she gets home , it's truly breaking my heart today. i've said many a cryfilled prayer up to our Father for her today, I just hope it helps. I personally have been feeling mostly okay, despite bad back pain and headaches, so I feel grateful to be at home with my family today even if they are driving me nuts!!
Is it normal for a 2 1/ 2 year old to want a PB& J sandwich 2-3 times a day??? Last night about an hour or so after a perfectly good meal which he ate, he demanded a PB& J sandwich. It's 3 pm and he ate lunch and he again demanded PB&J. I hate to not give it to him since he's so stick skinny, but could he be unbalanced and need more protein thus the need for peanut butter? not sure what the deal is, but he's been eating regular meals and adding an extra sandwich a day and drinks a ton all day. not sure where it all goes since he's so tiny. if I ate like that I'd be huge. must be a growing boy is all, but we are worried about giving in to his demands for food after he's eaten already. can he truly still be hungry? dont know but for now, I'll keep making PB& J, it's better than the days when he wouldnt eat anything all day, he goes through phases I know so maybe he'll grow out of it, but Dean's got a bad PB& J sandwich addiction so who knows. At first Dean was happy Caleb decided to like pb& j sandwhiches, now we are growing concerned at the amt he eats of it. oh well, guess he'll survive, at least he's not starving.
When we left for church this morning it felt like it was at least 60 degrees out. We came out of church to run for some lunch before a leadership meeting and it felt like it was almost 80 degrees!! Attended said leadership meeting, and started to head home. After discussing our tire needing air we stopped to put air in it. Half way home, as we were driving at least 65 mph on the highway, said tire blew out!! Luckily Dean was driving in the farthest right lane and immediately pulled off to the shoulder. Had we been in any other lane we might have had to deal with causing an accident. It was quite scary, luckily Caleb had just fallen asleep and slept threw the whole ordeal even as we waited for Dean to put on the spare. Dean said we lost the cover for the tire, I guess he means the one that covers up the ugly nuts and makes the tires look pretty? Oh well, it was a small loss to me, I was just glad we didnt have an accident. As Dean changed the tire the sky started to fill with fog and the temperature started to drop. Now it's feeling like a brisk 50 at most and it's dark and looks like it might rain at any given minute. A far cry from the sunny bright skies we had when we headed out to grab lunch.
Not sure why, but for me the change in weather as the day unfolded takes on great significance for me. For me, I feel everything that happens for a reason. If theres a rainbow in the sky and I see it, I know that that day God is speaking something special just to me. Why? Because for me, everytime something major has happened or changed in my life, I've always been comforted w/ seeing a rainbow, and for me thats my sign. no rainbows yet today, but the changes on the horizon do cause me to sit up and pay attention. It's a tire , I know. But after the message at church, and in our leadership meeting, I knew to expect a somewhat challenging week spiritually. How does a blown tire effect my spirituality? well it's not really the tire but how I deal with it and let it effect me. I would usually get upset and bent out of shape becuase we dont usually have money to deal w/ these little suprises. And was fine w/ having to replace one tire today, but Dean informs me you cant just buy one tire, you have to buy two, or rather it's better for the car that way. So that kind of bothered me a bit more, spending twice as much money as I'd like. We got home and I checked the checkbook and by golly theres enough money for a tire or two and then some! Thats a rarity for us. The last week I've been looking at the checkbook and running the numbers two, three times at least as I wrote out bills and wrote down receipts. Not sure how it happened, but it's truly a blessing, we're going to be okay this month. Sure we were blessed financially last month in a big way, but I never thought it would keep effecting our check book. We've got only a couple of bills to pay for January and will do w/ Dean's next paycheck, and the cabinets and fridge is full of food, and we stocked up on diapers and wipes....and theres still money for replacing a blown tire. It might not mean much to you, but I know that it's only because of God's grace and providence in our lives that this is possible. Heck, I was finally able last week to replace my winter coat that I've had for 6 years and buy a new one!! And we got Dean the game he wanted for Christmas! Little things to some, but big ones for me and my family. God is great, I just had to share today.
So as the new year has started, with it we've had quite a blessed time enjoying the gifts God's given us, and best of all, I've lowered my meds and am feeling pretty good so far!! Despite a still nagging back pain that should not be related to my pseudo tumor at all, thats its.
I'm sure Dean's biggest thrill lately though was attending the Ravens game yesterday care of Microsoft. They bought his department at work some tickets to the game and paid for food and drinks before and during the game! Me, I spent the day enjoying my son and undecorating from Christmas! Hope everyone elses New year is shaping up to be better than last year!!
For Christmas my mom bought me a sweater and skirt to wear when we go to the dinner theatre(she bought us gift certificates for the tickets there too!). I thought it was somewhat odd since she said to open the big boxes and little box last, so we opened the bigger boxes, mine was my outfit and Dean's was a dress shirt, which she had told me she got for him. I didnt say it out loud, but I was thinking how odd it was that mom had bought me a dressy outfit, I mean I have tons of dress clothes just no where to wear them except church. Then we opened the box w/ our tickets to the dinner theater and it made sense. But what didnt make sense was what size clothes she got me. She swore she meant to get the next smaller size and thought she had but she hadnt. Which is fine, but I was a little upset at how big she thought I was in the size. So since she had the day off today we went to return my clothes and get something else. We started in the WOMENS section, since I typically wear a bigger size than the average woman, but I was thrilled after I picked the size she thought I should and when I tried it on the skirt was falling off of me!! So after deciding we'd try the regular sizes, I found two shirts I fell in love with. They were size XL. That's what I've been wearing lately, not 1X or bigger, just regular XL, which I know is still big since I have lots of size S or M friends, but for me, I was so happy to be shopping in the normal size clothes section. The trick was if the clothes were cut big enough in the shoulders for me, and sure enough, I tried both shirts and was instantly amazed at just how much weight I've lost!! The pants I wore today were already baggy and I should have had a belt on but I dont have one or rather I dont like to mess w/ one. So my pants were falling down and the shirt I went shopping in was too long and baggy and I left w/ two new shirts that not only fit but look great on!!! I went through a big weight loss about 6 months ago doing atkins but gained it all back once I started eating carbs again. Since I got sick and lost so much weight 2 months ago, I havent yet gained it back. I'm eating smaller portions and my appetite is a little screwy still, but....I'm not gaining. I'm not really losing any more, I've been at the same weight for a month now and thats fine w/ me. Sure I want to lose a lot more, but if I can keep this weight I lost off that's a better starting point then losing more and gaining it all back, I'd rather stick w/ what I've lost and make sure I can maintain it on changes in eating habits alone and then once the warmer weather strikes I"ll be out and about exercising away w/ walks w/ caleb and fun stuff outside again, so that will be good. I was so happy that I could leave the store w/ smaller sized clothes that look good! My fear was I'd end up w/ a bigger size and prove my mom right that I hadnt lost that much weight, but I think she's finally getting convinced I have. I've been wearing baggy clothes so it's not always to see the difference but now that Dean bought me some shirts the other day and the new ones from today, it should be much more noticeable when I'm out that I've lost weight. But really all that matters is that I finally feel better about how I look. Sure I need to lose more weight, but I'm doing good and trying hard to keep the weight down, and right now I look better than I did a few months ago, so that's enough to make me happy today! I'll feel even better after I hear what dean thinks about the new clothes, but he's a little biased about how i look, he loved how I looked 30 lbs ago!! Not sure why, but guess thats why it's called unconditional love....