This was written a few years ago. It showed up in my feed again and does occasionally. It’s a good reminder to me of a time when I was at a really good place in my journey.
If I think about what was going well and why I was at my healthiest it’s easy to pinpoint how I got there. I got healthy while going to school, exercising, and raising my kids. I was able to devote time to taking care of myself and my family while investing in my future goals. It was through those disciplines that I got to my healthiest and happiest place I have ever been. It was then that I was able to finally be well enough to pursue a career.
It is my current goal to regain that level of health that was lost due to external stressors and physical illness by focusing on my own self care, investing in personal development and providing for my family’s daily care. It is my goal that in time I can return to part time work, but not until I am holistically healthy.
This is a huge financial strain on our family and not a decision made because we can afford it, but one made because we know we can not afford not to take care of my health knowing how dangerous a position it places me in when I am unwell. I feel extremely guilty for the burden this puts on my family, but I am trusting that God will provide for our needs and that in time not only my health will improve that the overall health of our family will as well – including our finances.
My story isn’t over yet and for that I am grateful.
Imagine if you will a winter wonderland. Fresh fallen snow covers the ground. Ice paves the way in some places where water has pooled and set, frozen in place as if time stands still in this place. It’s eerily quiet as not many venture here during the winter months. You look around and hear the majestic trees creaking as the wind brushes past. The branches bare except for the touches of snow that remain after the sun melts it as the day lingers on.
Point is, we often make up a story in our head that’s way worse than the truth. I’m currently reading Rising Strong by Brene Brown. This is somewhat the premise of her entire book. The stories we tell ourselves can cause much more harm than good. For example, telling myself the limit for going outdoors to exercise robbed me of the potential to get in a good workout outdoors where I find the most joy and am able to feel my best. We often do this in many other ways, in regards to relationships, our jobs, our finances, just about anything in our life can be affected by the stories we tell ourselves. When we are truly honest with ourselves and get past the stories we are telling ourselves, we can often find freedom and experience life change. It’s such an interesting concept, simply changing the way we think about something or someone is really all that it takes to improve our situation. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it really can be the difference between a good day and a bad day – just by the way you craft the way you talk to yourself.
There aren’t as many gifts as there could be under the tree this year. I am learning to accept that being present is much more important than the presents. It’s a lesson I think we will all benefit from, but it still hurts to have to let my kids down. Praying that we all come through this difficult season a little stronger, more appreciative, compassionate, and loving. Our Christmas might not be picture perfect but it is a part of our story and I am grateful I am still here to be a part of it.
The sun will come out
While I would love to salvage every surplus of joy and sunshine that’s radiating in my heart today for another day, I know that it’s fleeting. I know that what I woke up with today is enough for day, and for that I’m grateful. I’m grateful for today’s blessings. I’m grateful for the ability to find joy in the activities I had lost pleasure in doing like enjoying a long run with my favorite furry friend. I am grateful for time spent with my husband on his day off of work. I will enjoy today’s blessings and be present for them as they come. I will pray that when tomorrow comes that it brings enough sunshine, smiles, joy, happiness, courage and fortitude to get me through another day.
It’s been a week since I worked. Or rather since I worked for a paycheck. I do plenty of things that are hard work. I cook, clean, chauffeur kids and myself to doctor appointments. I spent countless hours taking care of myself, either by walking, running, doing yoga, practicing mindfulness or talking to counselors or people I care about.
