Wisdom from my walk

Today I received thisas a gift from my in-laws! They had sent me the Tenderness one. I cried it was so thoughtful and beautiful! Thanks! Caleb just liked the box When we had Caleb they got us this New Life one.
These are the two together that we have.

This is the whole reason Caleb and I spent some time in our basement today. Ellicott City which is not very far from us at all, was hit really hard. I thought for sure we had a tornado closeby, it was really nasty out. Lucky me, Caleb and I had just laid down for a nap and I heard the storm worsening and went downstairs w/ a diaper bag and some bottles. I turned on the radio to hear there was a tornado warning for our area! I hate storms, I mean HATE them. Needless to say, Caleb has yet to finish his nap….

The weather lately is horrible! The storms were so bad some trees in our neighborhood were down. I mean pulled out of the ground and not little trees, big old ones! It’s scary. They are calling for more storms complete w/ high winds and hail for this afternoon and evening. I hate storms to begin w/ let alone w/out my strong husband’s comforting arms around me. Not to mention I have to pick him up from the train station this evening, if I am lucky it wont be bad then.

I am so not in the mood to start job hunting. Things with the closing of the house are getting done so soon our mortgage payment will truly be ours, not my MIL’s, and it will be much less than what we pay now. I want to hold out to see if maybe we can make it w/ the lower mortgage pymt, but I think Dean really wants me to get a job.

Tomorrow is Caleb’s 9 month well child check up. I am glad, he’s been fevered for days now, well we think he has been, he wont let us take his temp, but he will be wearing just a onesie and sweating and his head feel hot while I am cold or comfy. It doesnt look like he is getting a tooth, but last time we didnt see it til it was well through the gums. He wont let me even get near his mouth to look. I am hoping he’s gained some more weight too now that he’s over that nasty flu bug.

Well, not much else going on around here today. I am trying to relax, I am so tired. Caleb was up so many times last night I almost cried I was so tired when I woke up to hear him not even an hour after I’d already fought w/ him to go back to sleep. It was almost every 2 hours, sometimes less. He’s finally settled in for a nice nap now, and I am hoping it’s a good long one, I could use one myself!

Angela’s new little angel is simply beautiful!

This is my adorable son yesterday as we enjoyed playing at Gwynn Falls Park. Pardon his mismatched clothes, that was all his fathers’ doing! Speaking of parents, Happy Mothers Day to all of those great moms out there! I was a little upset, thinking it was my first “official” mothers day and Dean didnt say anything about it until after a ton of people at church wished me a good day! Then we get home and I didn’t think he’d done anything, I mean I really only ever ask for at least a card. But he went outside to check on the cement he poured yesterday to stop up the leaky basement, and he came in w/ two cards, one addressed Mommy and one to Amy. I almost cried! I thought he’d not gotten anything. I asked him when he bought them, and he made me feel horrible by telling me yesterday when I was getting a problem w/ the price of Salmon we had paid fixed, he said I was so preoccupied with that and being mad at him for the whole car situation that I didnt even notice what he was up to. He’s such a great husband, I so dont deserve him or my wonderful son! To thank him today, I made this great looking Strawberry Shortcake, mmmmm! I hope we dont get too tempted and eat it before we get to my moms!

I figured out some HTML tags! I am so proud of myself. It’s not hard when you have a book sitting next to you telling you what to do! What do you think so far? I have a lot of formating to do yet, but in general I am getting satisfied that I am least working on changing things around here!

Looks like this SAHM thing is not going to last much longer. We can’t afford for me to stay at home anymore. We tried it and now at the point of poverty we are scared of what happens if I dont get a job soon. I love being home and I know it’s going to be hard, but if I have to then I guess I have to. I dont know how we’ll afford or find daycare. The worst thing is not knowing if I can even get a job. I have sent my resume out several times over the last few weeks and gotten no calls at all. I really should find good child care before finding a job, I mean the whole reason I started staying at home was because we didnt have good childcare in the first place. But, we just made the decision today, that either I work or Dean gets a second job, but then we’d never see each other, and things are rough enough as is. So it’s hard knowing that I have to find daycare and a job asap but it’s a Saturday so there’s not much I can do right now.

As of last night, it looked like our weekend was going to be a good one. We had a great time at the Balloon Festival. I got a great 6 hours straight of sleep, Caleb only woke once and Dean got up with him. Then I got up early with Caleb so Dean could sleep in; Dean usually gets up and watches cartoons with Dean. So I fed Caleb and he ate some Cheerios while I made some homemade cinnamon rolls, mmmm! I liked them, but Dean didnt for some reason, and he was the whole reason I made them. Oh well. Then we went to Lowes to get some stuff and were going to stop at the market since we were out of baby food. Needless to say the day took a turn for the worst, we had some car trouble, I wont explain cause it was all Dean’s fault and he knows it. But we got stuck at the grocery store and Dean’s granddad had to come save us. The whole car thing made me very mad at Dean, and my response was very not nice so he was mad at me. When we got home, I spent time w/ Caleb and some time cleaning house while Dean worked on a project outside. The tension got worse, finally we talked long enough for me to ask for Dean to do the check book, since he doesnt like me to anymore. He comes out mad that we dont have money. I got mad knowing he knows its all my fault we dont have money since I dont work. I stormed off, we argued, all about money mostly. After we calmed down we discussed it, and the decision about one of us getting another job was the result. Nonetheless now things seem ok between us. We both know we are stuck under a bunch of bill that keep getting more and more behind and both feel responsible for it. At that same time, I feel worse knowing that I cant give my son the care he deserves if I have to return to work. ARGH! I hate this. I just wish we could go back to the simple days, but then we’d be without our wonderful son, and in a horrible apartment. But stilll….at least back then we had money……

Hell of a mothers day weekend huh? Right now I feel like the worst mom and wife in the world….. and I doubt the feeling will ever go away……