Wisdom from my walk

Our little boy’s vocabulary seems to be far beyond a 2 yr & 3 months old. His new things to always say is “what you doing?” or “where’d daddy (insert any one he loves) go?” He has also started asking us things and when we answer saying “Oh, ok”, or today said “ah, alright.” He speaks toddlerese sentences, often putting the noun or adjectives in the wrong part of the sentence, but you can understand it’s a full sentence in his head. Last night i was laying on the couch and Dean and caleb were getting ready to leave for church and my cute little boy brought our queen size comforter from our room to the living room and started to cover me up with it, saying mommy sick, mommy all better and he came behind my head and kissed me on top my head, i think he was mimmicking how Dean kisses me on the forehead except caleb kissed the top of my head. It was so sweet. He knew mommy was sick and was trying to help me feel better. I would have cried but I was half asleep!

Speaking of being sick, I am still sick today, still have a fever, luckily the nauseas has subsided but it was replaced w/a horrible sore throat causing me to be barely able to speak or when I do no one can understand me. it’s a good thing I dont have a job outside the home or I’d miss work. I wish I had someone to take Caleb for me though, Dean missed work a lot last week because caleb was sick and I was babysitting for my friend. So I hate to make him miss work but I can barely do anything w/ Caleb let alone speak well enough for him to understand. Luckily he’s content to veg out in front of the tv, he’s getting a bad cough again so thats not a good sign but if he’s happy to watch tv right now I promise I’ll shower him w/ lots of fun stuff when I get better. Being a stay at home mom is very challenging when you are sick, you dont get a day off. I really need a day off. It was odd cause on Monday night I told dean I was feeling like I needed a break, mostly because I felt so run down and had no energy for dealing w/ Caleb, must have been the bug creeping up on me, it’s like I knew I would need a break soon, unfortunately needing one and getting one are two completely different things. My girlfriend who usually helps out when I cant watch Caleb is working today, so she had to find another sitter for her kids as is. Well off to the post office and the bank, errands I shoud have done yesterday but couldnt.

I have had a long long day. We , meaning caleb and I, spent at least 1 1/2 at walmart waiting for them to fill a prescription for me. When I dropped it off they said it would be about 30 minutes so I figured we’d shop and wait it out there. I should have known better. we spent a long time waiting and waiting and waiting. The whole time I was super grouchy and tired, as I have been for a day or two. It wasnt until I got home and laid down on the couch in hopes of alleviating a major headache that I realized something was wrong. I barely had the strength get up again. I was so tired and my head was spinning. I convinced Caleb to lay in our bed watching a movie and I fell asleep before he did. But thank goodness he was tired too. I woke up a few hours later feeling more clear headed but as soon as I’d get out of bed I’d be dizzy and nauseas, great just great I thought. It wasnt until around 3 that I was getting sick of the chills and then feeling hot that I took my temperature. It was only 102!! I dont know when I had a fever like that, probably not since I was a kid, or maybe when I was in labor with Caleb, but I dont think it was that high then.

Dean convinced a co-worker to bring him home since I had the car and I slept the rest of the afternoon/early evening away. I feel a little better now, if I could just get rid of this low grade fever, headache and sore throat. I think I’ve got the flu. Which should come as no suprise as I’ve been caring for my own sick child and my friends for a week or two. I thought I had been spared, but not in the least. This is one bad bug. So off to bed w/ me again and hopefully tomorrow I’ll be feeling well enough to care for Caleb on my own. Say a prayer or two for me! I honestly dont know when I’ve ever felt this sick, it’s been a long long time. Just hoping Dean doesnt come down with it too.

Check out Dean’s page for pics of our new floor!!

Caleb is still pretty sick, he didnt even get to go trick or treating. Although he was in the cutest costume, I’ll try to get him in it again and take pics since I was a bad mommy and didnt take any w/ him yesterday. Dean’s parents got in town last night, Caleb was so happy to see them, but I think he was the most excited to see their dog. Last night my father in law said something about how we need to get a new kitchen floor, our current one is coming up, Caleb likes to pull at the already ripped peices of flooring we have so we’ve got some pretty bare spots in the dining room. We, of course, say all of the time how we need to save up the money and do it, but we are lucky lately to get bills paid let alone save any money.

This morning the crew, minus myself, headed to Ikea to get flooring for our kitchen and dining room! I was so happy I had tears in my eyes as I told my best friend over the phone. What a great anniversary gift! Today is our 5 year wedding anniversary. I dont think theres anything I’d be so excited about other than us being pregnant. I wanted to maybe work on getting my office painted this weekend, but thats because it seemed like a cheap easy project, but I’d love to have a new floor! I took some before pics but i’ll save them for after we get the new floor put in. Just pray we dont all go crazy trying to get it done. I think it’s funny almost every time my in laws come they do some house project for/ with us. It’s nice but I feel a little guilty about it. It’ll give Dean some good quality time w/ them today though. me I have to prepare for my pampered chef party tomorrow, but I’ve been procrastinating getting ready for it. I want so to just have romantic plans w/ my hubby this weekend sometime, but I guess it’ll be ok. I think we are going to try to go out to dinner tomorrow evening after my kitchen show, and my mom will babysit since the in laws are leaving sometime tomorrow.

well I ‘ve got some suprises to work on for a friend and a party to prepare for tomorrow. Just had to share my exciting news. I dont think it will truly set in til I see the flooring and then see how nice it will look. My father in law was concerned I would be upset because I was letting them and Dean go pick it out, but I have complete trust in my hubby to get something nice and we have looked at it before together so he knows what I think and like. and at this point anything is better than our horrible flooring now. I am so excited. I think more because I dont know what I’ll be getting, so it’s kind of fun not going to pick it out myself. Just hope Dean made a good choice or it might not be such a great anniversary !!! No really I really dont have anything I’d think I’d hate about flooring. It’s not like it comes in neon green! I hope!!!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!!! Happy Anniversary to me!!!

Seems I dont know myself well enough, I thought that I would be quiet around here for a while but I seem more drawn to this place now. I’m dealing w/ bad headaches again and even nasueas again a lot. Today was my first bout w/ seeing spots in my eyes, it’s been at least 9 months since that has happened. Mostly has to do w/ the severity of my headches I am sure. I started my meds again yesterday, which makes me wonder if it’s working or not since I feel much worse today. Maybe it’s causing my body to get back to work and it’s fighting it.

It’s not easy to take care of 3 kids and feel this way. Luckily Dean was home this morning so he could take caleb to the dr, our poor baby has two infected ears. I knew something was wrong, but Caleb has a high pain theshold so it takes a lot for him to tell us if something hurts, I knew something wasnt right after several restless nights when he wakes up in screaming for us. Not to mention he’s just not himself. So needless to say Dean was home a bit this morning and that helps. I dont have to babysit tomorrow so thats good, but my girlfriend wants to go get the kids pictures taken in halloween costumes, so I am hoping I’ll feel up to. It’s odd how my symptoms started this time of year last year? Very interesting. I’ll have to ask my dr about that, maybe it’s some sort of cycle my body has.

Hoping to nap w/ Caleb but doubting it will happen. Well gotta tend to the kids, thank goodness for nap time!!!

I think my nerves are getting the best of me. On Saturday, after having a great time at Larriland Farms with friends, I went off on a cashier at Food Lion. This was after the first cashier I tried to go to was rude to me so when the second pushed my buttons I blew. I left Dean to pay and walked away mumbling. Today when trying to make a doctors appt for my son I got rude w/ the receptionist who tried to convince me to just leave a message for the dr since I mentioned he might have pink eye, after going into detail explaining a week ago he went in w/ a fever that the dr misdiagnosed as a stomach flu because I said that morning he had some lose diapers, but if she knew my son she’d know that’s not unusual. I walked away last week feeling mad I’d wasted my time and still had a sick son. Now over a week later Caleb is getting high fevers off and on and is coughing very badly. The person who answered the phone today said that she was sure if he was in last week w/ a cough that I was told that its good for him to have a cough, and I told her no that last week she said he only had a stomach bug that she overlooked the cough. Then I “nicely” asked if I could please get my son an appointment to be seen today that I have eyes drops for pink eye and that I need him seen for a cough and fever. She was rude and said I’d have to hold, after waiting five minutes I hung up and burst into tears. No doubt my emotions are all over the place but I am hating how I feel. Every little thing pushes what little of my sanity is left in tact over the last few weeks. I hate being rude and angry towards people but I am so sick of not being listened to. I keep telling Dean I cant take much more, and he’s response is “and what will happen if something else happens?” well i just dont know but my emotions cant handle much more of this roller coaster. Dont know if a vacation will help but I know theres no rest in site for me this week or weekend. This weekend is our 5 year wedding anniversary and our weekend is jam packed w/ nothing but non celebratory busyness. i just want to run away and hide for while, too bad I cant even get away for a litlte bit. Dean just called to make an appt for Caleb, they cant seem him til tomorrow. If the darn office opened before 9 am people might be able to get appointments for the same day instead of them getting bombarded w/ calls at 9 am. My friend called her pediatricians office yesterday morning and got an appt for 9:15, today we call our pediatrician and get treated like crap then finally get put off til tomorrow. I used to like our pediatrician office, heck, I used to like everything in our life, but right now nothing makes me happy..

Yeah, well we dont need to worry about how to break the news, we are NOT pregnant. Wont be for quite a while now. I’ll be keeping quiet for a while, keep up w/ Dean if you care to see how life is going for us. Back on psuedo tumor medicine first thing tomorrow, what a life for me. yeah I could whine lots today, but got enough on my plate, especially w/ a sick little boy. When life improves I’ll gladly share it with you…..

Rules of ettiquette for telling someone you are pregnant, especially if the person you are telling has been trying to get pregnant unsuccessfully for at least 10 months:
do NOT leave a message on their answering machine w/ your GREAT news
do NOT blurt it out as they are walking out the door
do NOT get mad when the receipient of the news cries
DO be considerate
BE understanding

I say this because I am sick of being hurt and guilty about my feelings when others could have been considerate when sharing their GREAT news. We are a few days from knowing if we successfully got pregnant this month and believe me I will keep these rules in mind when I tell others, so do the same! And if I’m not around for a few days dont ask how I am or if we are pregnant or I will kill you!!! Seriously. These better be pregnancy hormones talking or …or….we wont be able to get pregnant for a few months.

My dr ordered us to stop trying to get pregnant if we are not pregnant this month and to wait a few months to make sure my psuedo tumor isnt back and to go back on treatment for it. I’ve been medicine free for the 10 months we’ve been trying to get pregnant. if we arent pregnant this month I go back on drugs and for more appointments. if I am pregnant we know why I am sick, mostly. but theres still a lot we dont know about my condition and pregnancy, so it’s still more doctors appts if I am preggo. Pray for peace for me as we wait for answers. and so I dont lose my mind w/ all these pregnant people invading my life w/ their unwanted/unplanned pregnancies. I know it’s harsh but it hurts like hell to see all these things going on around me and to not question God.
Hope I dont affend anyone, but I’m a woman who cant get pregnant, and dont want to hear you say, oh everytime we get pregnant we didnt mean to, or all we have to do is look at one another to get pregnant, I’d rather you just shut up and go away than to break my heart more.

Lifes unfair.

Sorry I whined so much but I had to say something or I’d just have to make Dean bear all the burden of my pain, and that’s no fun for him alone, so i’d like to share my misery w/ you, as I know you have nothing better to do, or you wouldnt be reading my blog!!