Wisdom from my walk

I am getting so annoyed with parents who just let their 4 year old go out and play at peoples houses without their knowing or caring where they are.  I have enough of my own stress to deal with now I have to try to explain to my 4 year old why he cant go play unattended outside in a strangers yard.   He just doesnt understand and I dont blame him I dont understand how other parents can just let their kids go to strangers houses.    I guess this is the first set of life lessons we need to teach him, how different houses do different things.   Now my kid is crying and a mess becuase he doesnt understand why I wont allow the kid back til I meet his parents.    We gave them our number, well the kid and his older siblings who take him everywhere, and they never called us.  the note even said he cant come over unless they call first but here they were at our door today and if I turn him away caleb is a crying mess and mad at me.  I just dont know what to do.    I want him to have playmates over but I’d like to meet or at least talk to the kids parents first, is that too much to ask?

The only room without curtains in the upstairs is calebs room which he’ll soon be sharing w/ Bo.  Not sure if I ever shared the pic of when I painted his room but it’s currently bright orange w/ dinosaur theme.    I so want these curtains(in orange) for his room.  Hoping the sale price lasts til the end of the month, Dean is due to get a bonus and those curtains would be perfect for the boys room and would complete it!!!

Caleb has always been very independent.   At first I assumed it was a personality thing; now I’m wondering if it reflects on our parenting style(whatever that is!).    Bo does need help when he climbs into/on something and cant save himself from falling or being stuck but aside from that he’s quite content to play by himself and sometimes if you try to play with him he just ignores you.  Today he’s bringing me toys from the play kitchen and engaging me some but mostly he likes to just explore by himself.  We let Caleb do that as a child too as long as he did things that were safe.

The best part these last few days is I’ve noticed that Boaz is understanding so much of what we are saying.   If you ask him if he wants to eat he will go to the kitchen or if you dont ask and he’s hungry he’ll try to climb(succesfully even) into his highchair.   I noticed last week if you tell him it’s bath time he’ll go wait by the bathroom door for you to let him(we keep the door closed because he likes to flush the toilet).    this week I discovered if you ask if he needs a diaper, esp when he’s stinking up the joint, he’ll walk to his room and wait for you to get him.    If only he could climb onto the changing table, no that would be dangerous!   On Monday a friend was here and mentioned him needing to get his shoes on and he went to his room and pointed up to the dresser top where I keep his shoes.  he’s one smart kid.  he may not say much, he’s a man of few words although he’s babbling a lot more lately, but he definitely is understanding a lot of his world.   I’m trying to work on his vocabulary and talking to him like crazy all day and yesterday during my questioning of “where’s Bo’s (hair,mouth, eyes – none of which he acknowledges) when I said  feet he started pulling at his feet/shoes.   it’s so cool to be here to see him learning and growing.  I realized yesterday I wasnt around for this time with Caleb, I was working full time and feeling so guilty about it.   Now I feel a little guilty Caleb is at school and others are seeing him grow so much but at the end of the day at school he comes home while Bo naps and we work on writing/worksheets/homework or art work and I get to see how much he’s learning at school.   It’s neat to see both of my boys getting so big and it’s nice to know I’ll get the chance to see one more boy go through these things, even if there are phases that baffle me and leave me wishing I wasnt their mom at that moment(horrible thought I know – but i’ll be honest) it’s so cool to be a mom and see the good things, to know you do have an impact on your kids.    Bo and Caleb are a lot alike but as very different.    I cant wait to see how baby boy #3 adds to the mix and how different he is.

The weather has been great these last few days.  I figured I’d take advantage of it and instead of driving to get Caleb from school, which means picking Bo up to get him in the van and out of the van and carrying him to the school since theres no close parking, that I’d walk instead.  I mean the dr said to restrict lifting and take things easy, I didnt think a little walk would hurt, I mean I figured it was better than lifting Bo lots.   So yesterday it wasnt so bad.  I noticed some cramping during and after the walk but later after resting some I was fine.    So today I thought I’d do the same, I mean exercise is supposed to be good for lowering blood pressure so I figured it would be good if I tried to get out some.   but todays been stressful because I’ve had to lift Bo a ton more than usual, he’s been fussy all day and if not fussy then getting into and/or climbing on/into things that requires me to pick him up to keep him safe.    So to begin with I was having some pain but it’s a much bigger hassle to drive and find a parking spot that will still be a block away from the school than to just walk and push Bo in the stroller so that made more sense.   halfway there I had to breathe through some pain but got there and let Caleb play a little so I could rest before the walk home.   Since being home I put Bo down for nap and have sat with my feet up most of the time in the recliner while working on some worksheets with Caleb.  but I’m still contracting and my back is aching.

I have a big problem, I dont know how to let go, of the housework, or the need to be in control of my home.  Becuase of this I’m still keeping up with laundry, I did 4 loads yesterday but was smart enough to have Dean bring it up to be put away when he got home.  but that still requires a lot of up and down the stairs just to get it in and out of the washer/dryer(I do have Dean carry down the dirty laundry too) Plus a few times I had to take Bo down with me which meant carrying him down w/ me but luckily he’s learned to climb up the stairs so that’s helpful.   I’m also a little OCD about having the house clean so before I can go to bed certain things need done, one being the kitchen and living room need to be clean, very clean.    Some folks have offered to help w/ the housework but I just cant seem to let things go that long.  If I werent home all day I probably would be ok with it, but I just cant sit around in a dirty house esp. when most of the time I feel like I can do things.   but it’s times like now that I wish I wasnt so stupid and so controlling.   I know some people probably think it’s silly that I dont want someone else to clean, but I barely let Dean do it because I end up having to go behind him and finish up since he doesnt have the same requirement of “clean” that I do.    It’s my own fault I’m sure and I know I really need to chill out but it’s so hard.  Like I said, being home all day doesnt help.  I am here and have the time to do these things so I do.    I admit my faults but I dont know what to do about fixing it.   I am resting for the most part of my day but when I’m not I’m going at 150% because I feel guilty for the rest of the day when I “take it easy” as the dr ordered.  I have issues ok, I am admiting it, and publicly at that.   I’m the one paying the price for my own craziness, I feel horrible but if I dont then I feel guilty and horrible about not “doing my job” as homemaker, wife and mom.   it’s a no win situation and I dont know how to overcome it. You’d think after so many illnesses and times of needing bedrest that I’d be better at this accepting and giving in to defeat but I cant.  it’s too soon, I’ve got so much time left when I know I truly wont be able to keep up at this pace.

A friend brought us dinner last night, it was the best pot pie I’ve ever had!!   Considering I’ve never made a pot pie and usually just buy store bought ones, I’m now curious how they made it..so get me the recipe Elisabeth will ya!!   it was soooo good!  It was so nice having a meal already made.   I enjoy cooking/baking but after a long day it’s great to not have to worry about anything.    So while I wont give in to help with cleaning, anyone can feel free to drop off ready made meals cause we sure wont turn down good food!  ;-)  not that I’m asking for any help but if one were so inclined to help…..tonight’s menu is a la McDonalds…99 cent happy meal night…gotta love that.   Dean and I get happy meals too since it’s cheaper that way!   too bad our mcdonalds doesnt give toys in the 99 cent happy meals, apparently other locations still do.   that would be a truly good deal.

I can appreciate these shirts for babies and Dean is the computer geek so thats not too geeky, that or I’m becoming one too!! I particularly like the “I cant talk but have email” one!

Today we took advantage of dollar days admission at the B&O musuem.  I was hoping it would get Caleb excited about his new train set he got for Christmas and I think it did.   It was pretty cool but not sure I’d ever pay full admission to go there.  Not sure why I have such a goofy look on my face.

Here’s Caleb and I in a caboose, but I cropped it so you cant really tell!

When we got home from being out from the musuem and lunch at Sorrentos(I used to hate that place but now I love it! 😉 ); one of the kids from Calebs school was next door with his older siblings playing.     Caleb was so excited and wanted to play with him.  We wanted to rest so we tried getting Caleb to but he wouldnt stay sitting, I didnt blame him too much when he could hear the kids next door playing.   So I told Dean he should just take him out to play while his friend was still out there so he did.  A little later they came in with the kid from Calebs class.   Apparently they called his dad and he said he could come over, granted we’ve never met his parents or anything.  I have always said I’ll never just let the kids go play and not know where they are but I guess I’m just too overprotective.  the dad told Dean that he thought they were going to the park but they were next store at our neighbors; at that point I would have told them to come home for lying but I guess to each his own.   I figure at least now the kid is inside out of the cold(he keeps coughing so I’m sure being warm a little is good for him) and being watched over.  he’s only 4 and he was supposed to be under the care of his older siblings who I’m guessing are just middle school aged and werent really paying much attention to him.   Maybe in 4 or 5 years when Caleb is 8 or 9 and has a 4 year old brother I’ll think differently but I still dont think I’ll let them roam the neighborhood alone w/ a 4 year old.    In any case it’s so cute watching him play with his playmate, this kid is adorable.   they are having fun and it’s neat, so it’s really his first playdate with any one other than friends of ours kids.    My mom is coming over for dinner and Dean has to go into work for a little bit due to some server issue.  It’s been a relaxing day overall, Caleb keeps saying it’s his special day and at this point I’m sure it has been since he got to go to the musuem, go to lunch and have a school friend over!  He’s been acting so much better, we had a good talk yesterday when he started acting out and things have turned around a little.   I know keeping him busy helps, so for now that’s a good plan I guess.

Here’s another preggo pic, 26 weeks.   3 months from today til my c-section if nothing else goes crazy before then.

I am so at a loss of how to deal w/ Caleb lately.  He’s been so mean and rude to us.  he’s a perfect angel at schoool and he only treats Dean and I badly, and now sometimes Bo as well.   This morning was horrible!  We had to wake him up since due to an early morning phone call Dean accidentily turned off the alarm so he didnt wake up til it was time to leave so we had to get Caleb up and rush to get ready.  The first fight was over what he wanted to wear, I told him to pick out a shirt but of course he wanted the shirt he wore already yesterday and didnt understand why he couldnt wear it again.   Then he wouldnt get ready, it was a mess. I know kids dont like to get ready for school but this is about everything. we usually dont have morning issues, usually he’s mean and rude in the afternoon/evenings.   He tells us we are mean and that he hates us; sometimes he says I dont care in response to our telling him why he can or cant do something.   It’s getting really bad and I dont have the energy or patience to deal with it.  We’ve tried putting soap in his mouth when he says mean things but he doesnt care.  A friend said after she did that once to her kids they never had a problem again, nope not our kid, he thinks its a joke.   Dean has threatened hot sauce next time and that scares him but I dont know if it will really make a difference.  I hate to use either measure because I dont think it’s right but I dont know what else to do.   It’s not like he sees/hears Dean and I being mean to one another.    So I’m not sure where he’s picked it up from but it’s not going well.

When it first started I assumed it was because he’d come home from school and nap and then be grouchy when he’d wake up. So we stopped giving him a nap, but still at that same time of day he’s horribly mean and grouchy.  So not sure if it was needing the sleep and being woken up that made him grouchy before and now he’s grouchy because he’s so tired because he needs a nap?? I just dont know.    I”m sure he was tired this morning because we had to wake him up and he’s always grouchy after being woken up, just like his daddy!  But I dont know how else to manage this; I might make him nap today just because I’m so tired but Bo’s been napping before Caleb gets home so that would mean I’d have to get Caleb to sleep while Bo stays up and I’m sure that wont go over well.  Plus it’s friday so it doesnt really matter if he’s tired since we tend to let him stay up and he doesnt have school tomorrow.  I just dont know what to do anymore with him.  He used to be a loving little boy who always said nice things, and he is that boy everywhere but at home with us.  Dont know if it is part of him dealing with adjusting to Bo being big enough to play with his things and take our time or what but it’s getting old and I just cant handle much more this week.   I admit I was grouchy and mean with him this morning which didnt help but I didnt want to wake up either…it’s a cycle I’m sure and my fatigue and pain isnt helping me cope with it very well.