Wisdom from my walk

Today Bo was eating some goldfish crackers.  I asked him to give me a fish please.  He walked to his room, climbed on a chair and kept pointing to something and yelling to me as I was sitting in the living room wondering what the heck he was doing.  It wasnt until I realized he was pointing to the fish tank on his dresser.   I got him back to the living room and asked again, this time for a fish cracker and he just looked at me.  I showed him the cracker and said fish cracker but not sure he got it.   It was pretty funny, he was going to do his best to bring me a fish as I’d ask but I guess his little brain didnt know how or why!

discovering how to paint

I survived my first trip to walmart with Zeke and Bo by myself. It wasnt so bad, if I had needed more things I couldnt have pulled it off. I sat Bo in front of the cart, placed Zeke in his carseat in the back of the cart and put all the stuff I bought under the cart. It was an experience that’s for sure.

I think Caleb is getting sick. this morning he said his throat hurt but seemed otherwise ok. he’s home now and is just laying on the sofa complaining of a bad headache. I’m praying it’s not strep, this is how it started last time. I think he is falling asleep…that would be nice I suppose except if he’s sick that means I’d have to keep him home tomorrow and I’m not ready to have all 3 kids all day all by myself. Ugh…I really dont know how I’m going to manage having 3 kids, I think if I felt better I’d be fine, and realistically I’m doing ok, really tired and feel crappy but the kids are cared for, the house is clean as is the laundry, so I’m keeping up, but just feeling bad in the process. Dean and I both have drs appt this Thursday afternoon and didnt mean to plan them for the same time, I am going to have to cancel my appt since theres just not going to be a way to pull it off with the kids and having to get caleb from school. It’s such a pain, needing help so often, I just want things to be easier and to not have to rely on others so much. I’ve got two appts myself the following thursday, neither that I can afford to miss so I figured I’d worry about sitters for those appointments and worry about seeing the endocronologist some other time, when I dont know, but this week just isnt going to work.

well I better go find out if Caleb has a fever and get ready to feed Zeke. it’s a beautiful day and its sad we’re sitting inside, at least I know Caleb played outside while at school so he got to enjoy the nice weather some.

ugh….calebs temp is 101………….

Dean & Boaz, 17 months old

Ezekiel 1 month old

Caleb & Zeke

Zeke 4.24.06

Boaz 4.24.06

I am ready to give up nursing.  Not because it’s not working or that it’s too hard per se, but because I feel horrible.  My stomach hurts, when active or even when just sitting or laying down.  My head hurts despite the new headache medicine.   I’m constantly tired as well, so waking sometimes many times a night isnt helping.  even on nights when the baby doesnt wake me up often I still wake up exhausted and stay that way all day, darn anemia and illness and a newborn will do that to you I suppose.

On top of the physical problems I’m having, Bo has taken to demanding to sit on my lap while I nurse the baby.   Sometimes it’s not so bad, other times, like when my stomach is really hurting it makes me want to cry.   I’m considering calling my doctor tomorrow to talk about other medical options since I feel so bad but I dont know that we can afford for me to stop nursing since that would mean we’d need to buy formula.  We’ve been blessed enough to not have to buy Zeke diapers yet, we’ve got probably a few more weeks worth of his size diapers so that’s been nice.  it’s been a month and we just opened the last new pack of baby wipes that we had stocked up on.   so financially we’ve done well this first month, but mostly because of how others have blessed us.   but……constant doctors bills and prescriptions, we’re not doing so well.    you dont even want to know how much we racked up in medical costs in the last month, it’s crazy.   Now I’m on meds that I’ll have to take all of the time so that’s not helpful.  on top of that seeing more specialists and more than likely needing more meds once I stop nursing…. well it all adds up. so do I stick w/ feeling bad and nursing, which means less meds and no formula, both which means less money out of our pocket each month, or stop nursing and add in the costs of both more meds and formula.   seems like an easy choice, but I’m feeling so bad that I’d shell out the money even if it means getting rid of my beloved tivo and cell phone just to make ends meet.   did I mention for those non local folks, the freakin 72% increase in our Gas and electric costs starting in July.  that’s really scary, so chances are no cell phone, cable or tivo after that anyway….I just want to feel well and have enough money to get by without stressing every time I need to buy groceries or diapers.   If I didnt feel so bad and wasnt nursing I’d be looking for a job!   Life can be so fun, and Dean wonders why I am depressed.   4 weeks after having a baby, feeling incredibly worse every day, and not knowing whats wrong or how we’re going to make ends meet….bah!

When Dean went for his consult for the vasectomy he just set up the first date the dr could do the surgery, that was today.  we never really considered that based on my orig. due date I wouldnt be able to lift Bo still.   Luckily it’s now been about a month since the c-section so I can do a bit more, but realistically I have at least another 2 weeks til I get the drs ok to resume completely normal activity. I kept asking Dean to call to see what restrictions he’d have after his surgery but he didnt and I wasnt about to call for him.  So…he’s home now and his drs orders are no lifting of more than 10 lbs for 5-7 days. So I go from doing as little as possible regarding caring for Bo to being back on full time kid duty.  Probably not such a good idea, esp. since I already feel crappy.   It’s going to be a long weekend and week……I just hope I dont hurt myself in the process.  I guess we should have waited to have Dean’s surgery but we didnt want to take any risks so getting it done sooner than later made the most sense.  Oh well….cant do anything about it now.   this ought to fun!

4. 18. 06

He doesnt seem to like or dislike bath time, yet!

lovin my baby and the warm weather, much better than bundling up a newborn in november like we had to with Bo.

maybe if I hid they wont notice….

Oh well…they think it’s cute….that’s usually what that shiny flashy thing I smile at means!

My favorite person called today, my doctor.  LOL.   So most of the labwork results were normal.    I am still anemic, thus the horrid fatigue that I cant beat no matter what, which makes me feel a little better, while I should rest more than I have able to, no amt of sleep would have fixed how tired I was feeling!   My uric acid level is still high, so I need to keep taking the gout meds, which when we try to stop the pain is pretty bad so we figured that I still had trouble with the gout.    So the rest of the results were normal so no diagnosis can be made for my stomach problems without seeing the specialist, I go on May 4th for that, and she thinks they’ll do a colonoscopy very soon after that.   If I feel worse I’m supposed to call her, but I hope I dont!!   Being this sick for another 2 weeks is bad enough.  oh yeah, the really good news, so far my thyroid levels are normal!  that’s a relief!   I still see the endocronologist for that and other stuff next week.   so no help for figuring out the stomach stuff, just ruled out other things, again.   but at least hopefully w/ some iron pills I’ll get some energy back soon.  speaking of lack of energy, Zeke has been a little fussy and nursing like crazy and is demanding some mommy time again….