Wisdom from my walk

I appreciate working moms that breastfeed.   I’ve started replacing Zeke’s daytime feedings, pretty much any feeding when Dean isnt around, for a bottle feeding. The more I think about it that sounds like a dumb way to wean but it’s actually working out well for us.  So instead of breaking what is usually a bad latch while nursing Zeke to keep Bo from causing major damage I just have to put the bottle and baby down, not nearly as painful for me or the baby.   So at night time I am still nursing, which is actually easier on all of us. I imagine this is what working moms do, pump during the day while the baby is being bottle fed.   right now the baby is getting breastmilk still, although I tried some formula earlier just to see how he’d adjust, I’d hate to start it after we run out of frozen milk and find out he’s allergic.  so far he’s doing well with the changes.

It’s going to be the hardest to drop the nightime nursing since then we’ll have to actually have a bottle to get ready instead of me just getting the baby and nursing him.   I’m tired enough through the day as is and at night, so having to actually do more work through the night doesnt sound like much fun.  Since I havent started meds that I cant take yet I’m just taking this weaning thing slowly.    So far it’s not so bad.   Today I feel much more comfortable than I did during the day yesterday which was the first full day in which he had bottles while Dean was gone.  the baby seems content and I’m much less stressed.

Zeke was having a hard time latching correctly.  He could nurse and efficiently, rarely nursing on one side for more than 15 minutes top, usually less time even.  but the catch was it was always painful for me.   I tried changing positioning to make it work better but the boys tongue is screwy, something we knew when we started.    this helped me make the decision to wean now, along with the fact if I dont get some meds to get rid of the pain from gout I am going lose it.  I cant walk without having pain, let alone move my foot without pain.   the only solution is different meds which I cant take while nursing.  I’m waiting on a call from my dr, I havent yet told her I’ve decided to stop nursing if it means I can get treatment for all these medical conditions, let alone they can do more testing too.

I’m tired, very tired.   I’ve fallen  asleep sitting on the couch feeding the baby and watching Bo play several times today,each time bo comes over and laughs at me to wake me up.    I’m anxious to get my bloodwork results from this weekend to see what’s up with everything and to get the ball rolling with diagnosing what is wrong.  I knew this time was going to be hard and knew what to expect but it’s still depressing, to know no matter what I cant control how I feel.  No amount of sleep will fix this nagging fatigue.   Nothing short of a miracle will cure the other symptoms I’m having since in the past they’ve left the doctors clueless.   I’m tired of being sick, again.   I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself and most of all I’m tired of feeling the effects of my illness on my family.

my boys are wonderful, all of them.  Dean tries his best to be understanding but what I really need these days is someone to help me 24-7 with the kids since I’m so tired and miserable.   the kids are doing well so far.   Zeke isnt minding the changes in his feedings.  Bo is content to occupy himself as long as he’s got lots of his cars to play with.   Caleb had a break down last night though, he didnt want Dean to leave to go to the store.  Not sure what that was about but I”m sure it’s mostly because he was so tired.   speaking of my boys, one needs a diaper change so gotta run…well get up at least, I barely have the energy to walk anywhere let alone run…

Boaz at the park yesterday

Zeke today

he’s just too cute!

I’ve decided to start weaning Zeke.  So far the biggest difficulty is how much harder it is to bottle feed.  with nursing I’d just sit down and nurse him when he was hungry now we have to make sure the bottle is ready and the milk is warmed up.  it’s a pain actually.   then there is the PAIN of stopping nursing.

I ended up not going to the concert which I won tickets for yesterday. I was so tired and my foot is hurting since I stopped taking the meds for gout so it’s really painful.   I started a new med for it last night but it said it wont take effect for a week or two!  I cant walk without wincing in pain so I dont know what I’ll do.  I’m supposed to check in w/ my dr this week if the pain is still bad.  I’m feeling really worn out and weak today again.  We went to church after waking up late, all of us, since we had guests from game night here til sometime after midnight!   Then we went to home depot to buy plants for flower boxes for the deck.  we came home and I could barely stay awake so I went to bed without eating lunch even.   I’m up and about again and feel like I havent slept in weeks, but I have slept and napped even!  I am concerned somethings really wrong.   I felt like i was going to pass out while we were at home depot.   I just feel wiped out.   I’m hoping after some more rest I’ll feel better.

I probably wont update for a few days unless I find out more from the doctor, I feel like theres nothing to write about because all I can think about lately is how badly I’m feeling.    the kids are growing like weeds and I need to upload pics I’ve taken but I just feel like it so that will wait.   I need to go plant my flowers I suppose and then I think I”m going to bed again.   what a fun way to spend the day!

I love doctors! no really this one was really nice! The best thing that happened was him not ordering a colonoscopy! wohoo! He did say things like “you may need to stop nursing for a little while” and my favorite words doctors say to me “rare”; “interesting”; “strange”; “uncommon in someone your age” my favorite though was his emphasis on the fact that women only get gout when they are post menopausal. folks, right now I am the further from post menopausal as there can be unless I was younger and hadnt hit puberty yet. geez…I told him I knew that but that the fact remains I have it, and treatment I’m currently on isnt working. So his answer was that I should see a rheumatologist, ok folks, again remind me how old I am? Geez…

He was very serious about my stopping the gout medicine(indocin) asap and discussing seeing a rheumatologist with my PCP. Indocin is not for long term use, he said you should be able to take it for about 5 days see relief then stop taking it til you have another flare up w/ gout. I’ve been taking it for 7 weeks, if I stop taking it I am in pain. This he says as usual, is not normal. But back up, if it’s not normal for a 27 yr old woman to have gout why should any of the other normal stuff apply? Why should you NOT take indocin long term? well a myriad of reasons, including the fact it can cause stomach ulcers and various other bad things to happen to you, like the unusual bruises I wake up with every morning that appear out of nowhere. I told a friend that maybe Dean was beating me up while I slept. So, the important thing to know about all of this, this was a stomach dr, not a dr who handles gout, yet we spent most of my appt discussing it and my other unusual conditions. He thinks once I stop taking indocin that my stomach problems will resolve. He gave me the names of two things to get at a local health foods store to help me feel better for now and said since I’m nursing and still in the postpartum period he wouldnt treat me anyway, thus no colonoscopy, which was great news! I am to call him in 2 weeks unless things get worse before then which I’m guessing they wont.

I called and left a message for my PCP and will hopefully talk to her in detail tomorrow. The other interesting thing the dr today discovered was that my thyroid is swollen. my thyroid labwork 2 weeks ago was normal, and not being a dr myself I dont know how long it takes for it to show up in lab results but I had a feeling it was swollen because the last few days swallowing my zillion pills at bedtime was hard to do. Not a good thing, but we knew it was likely to act up at some point. It might explain the weight I’m gaining despite not eating tons, being active and nursing. thats the biggest thing I was dreading with my thyroid getting messed up,the weight gain, looking forward to the part where it reverses itself and I lose weight, hoping that that happens but we dont really know what to expect. but I’ll be quite upset if I get stuck with the thyroid condition that makes you keep gaining weight, last time I had the other one longer and I lost weight before my thyroid levels returned to normal.

tomorrow morning I have an ultrasound that my ob ordered because my uterus is enlarged. what does that mean? all I know is that last week when I told Dean I felt like I was gaining weight and looked more pregnant again I wasnt imagining it. I could definitely feel that it wasnt right and the pain that is accompanying this odd symptom has been not that great either. for me to give in and take tylenol for pain means it’s pretty bad, between the headaches and the stomach pain I’ve been taking tylenol frequently, and I hate to because it usually never helps. thus why I just usually avoid taking it. but in an attempt to want to see if for once it might help I’ve given in a few times in the last week, and agian it didnt help. I dont really know what to expect from the ultrasound results, I’m just praying it doesnt mean I’ll need another laproscopy. About 6 months after having Caleb I had to have surgery for ovarian cysts that were causing me a lot of pain. I’d really rather not have to have another surgery, one becuase of having to not pick Bo up again, another we are so maxed out on drs bills this year it’s unbelievable. I was relieved to not need a colonoscopy for that same reason. knowing my thyroid is swollen means lots more appts with the endocronologist at $25/visit makes me so frustrated. I need to go to work to be able to afford to see drs to help me feel well again. reality is I cant go back to work cause then we’d have to pay childcare. ok, I”m stressing and venting on other topics. sorry!

so we had life group(like bible study for those who dont know that term) tonight. we each bring a portion of a meal to share then we delve into whatever we’re discussing that night. we were signed up for a main dish, stupid stupid overacheiving me…..so Dean helped me get it ready as I was on the verge of sheer exhaustion from having to do so much running and no resting today. then he, Caleb and Bo went to group and left me to clean up, finish laundry, feed the baby, and do all the other things that need to get done before tomorrow, and yeah, maybe rest. so now it’s late and I’m finally getting time to sit and relax, but only because the laundry in the dryer was still damp. well off to finish up the laundry and I’m sure I’ll be just crawling into bed when the boys get in….if I manage to finish up before then…..thank goodness tomorrow if Friday!

Zeke is getting so big!  I’ll try to get pics up tomorrow, today is a little busy.

I had my 6 week ob appt today, was expecting that something might be wrong and was correct.  I have an ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow so I am hoping the u/s tech will let me know something during the exam if not I’ll have to wait til next week for answers.   In a little bit I head to the gastroenterologist, that as well should be interesting and once again I’m not expecting the best news.    I am getting tired of being so young and so sick and having to always see yet another dr or get yet another test.  I’m trying to be more positive but it is kind of hard.   I am prolonging the inevitable, but I’m guessing I’ll have to go see the neurologist soon again too based on my old symptoms getting worse.   I just dont want to schedule another appt and talk to another dr.  I just want to be able to enjoy my kids and my husband and the energy to make time for my friends and some quality time for me to do something just for me.    at least the weather is nice and it makes me at least enjoy driving around to the drs appointments or going to walk to get caleb from school, although I barely have the energy for that but I’m left with no other choice than to get him and to take care of the kids all day.  I just want some refreshing sleep and to feel better.  I guess the best way to do any of that is to listen to my drs and do what they want but I just dont want to even have to deal with any doctors!  I just want things to be normal and me to be well.  I am sure you’re used to me complaining about this same stuff so I’ll spare you some time…..

I am one of those folks who will try to win any radio call in contest just because I like to try. This morning I tried to be the 5th caller for WRBS. as always I Got a busy signal. So this afternooon on the way home from a morning out w/ my mom and kids as soon as the announcer started talking about an upcoming concert I knew he’d be giving away ticket so I pulled out the cell phone and went to the number I had tried to dial hours ago. As soon as he said 5th caller I hit send on the phone and it RANG!! and rang…and rang…finally, dude says I was the 1st caller we’re looking for the 5th. so judging I was more lucky than not today, I tried again. Eventually another ring! I won two tickets to Shane & Shane this Saturday night! We’re hosting game night at our house starting at 4 but I’m hoping Dean will forgive me for wanting to get out. I think I’m going to take my mom since I doubt Dean will want to cancel game night let alone find a sitter. the biggest issue will be leaving the baby. but if i feed him right before I leave, and he’s been eating every 3-4 hours…i might be able to get away with it, if anything he can take one bottle! we hope! if not they can call and I can come home. I just cant believe I won. The funny part is I dont even know what songs this group is popular for, I’m listening online to some now. I”m sure I’ve heard them but I am bad at knowing which artists sing what songs. wohoo!! I needed something exciting to happen to me and I guess this will do! 😉

His first online movie!  Sorry for the lack of sound our new camera doesnt have that feature, still waiting for our good one to come back from best buy where we took it to get repaired via the warranty we had.