Before I get into the details of my interesting day, let me just say how awesome my hubby is.  He’s currently taking all 3 kids to McDonalds(it’s 99cent happy meal night!) then to the playground to let them run off some energy. This is after he came home around noon to go with me to the dr. the plan was for him to go back to work after my appt and getting Caleb from school but I called him after he’d just left and he came back because I am really not feeling so good at all. Barely functioning is what I told the dr and thats about it.
So doctors….yesterday I saw the endocronologist who treated my gest. diabetes and who I am going to now for thyroid issues.  He ended up leaving most of my current symptoms to be dealt with by the neurologist whom I saw today. It was agreed that I have a goiter but my thyroid blood work was normal so he will wait to start meds for it unless my thryoid keeps enlarging and causes other problems.  Right now it’s visibly enlarged to others and I can feel how swollen it is, the best way to describe it is it kind of feels how it does when you get a sore throat or cold and you can feel your glands swelling in your neck, well kind of, it’s hard to explain.  his biggest concern was that I might be in the prediabetic phase of diabetes but that until I am feeling better he’d rather wait to do another glucose test, so when I feel better I’ve got the lab slip to get a 2 hour glucose test.
this mornings appointment with the neurologist didnt go as I expected. I bantered off my current problems and he did his exam.  My bp was lower than normal as was my pulse, but they were about the same as yesterday and the other dr didnt seem concerned. but when I told him I was dizzy and fatigued he thought it might be something so he said to check with my primary care dr about those symptoms.  he gave me another headache medicine and an order for an MRI and MRA(not sure what the difference is).  I left there and immediately called my regular doctor because I was feeling so bad and knew I couldnt go another day without trying to find out what was wrong.  I told them what was up and they gave me an appt for this afternoon. Since Dean works near where I was I asked him to come home w/ me so I wouldnt have to drive so he did. we grabbed lunch, check in with my awesome friend Karen who had been taking care of Bo and asked her to stay longer so Dean could take me to the other appt. She agreed so we ate lunch together then headed out again.
I love my primary doctor. she isnt a doctor, she’s a nurse practioner or something like that. I’ve always preferred having one of those than real doctors.  She’s been my dr for a while now and knows my health history so she knew mostly what was up but I told her I really wasnt able to function much and it’s getting too hard to keep feeling this way and taking care of myself and the kids.  a week or two ago when I asked her why I’d still be so tired we chalked it up as postpartum stuff and possibly post partum depression. folks I will admit to you I am depressed, but anyone in my shoes would be believe me. I was willing to accept that diagnosis today and do whatever she said to feel better.  But….she said I didnt have all the symtoms of PPD and wanted to do an EKG. I indulged her, assuming nothing would be wrong.  So we were all suprised that that quick little test did come back with something, she said the left side of my heart is bigger than my right. she said that it could be normal for me, but that it also could be something wrong. She said if I was a 60 yr old man who came to her with my symptoms she’d immediately do a stress test because my symptoms are ones that are common of heart problems and that she thinks drs overlook heart problems in young women too often so she wanted to make sure it wasnt a heart condition causing me to feel so bad. So I go for a thalium stress test on Monday to rule out anything heart related. In the mean time we wait for blood work, she is testing for a ton of different conditions including lupus and lyme disease.  I’m glad someone is finally taking me serious, although I’m a bit worried about the heart thing, my dad did just have a few heart attacks you know….that thought freaked me out some.
but I cant keep trying to maintain appearances anymore, I’m too worn and plain out miserable too. I feel bad, all over generally bad in so many ways and I’m willing to fight back but I just dont have the energy to keep going without knowing what I’m battling. and honestly I dont see how I’m going to get better on my own, I sleep when I can and despite having a newborn I’m sleeping at least 7 hours a night, thank God for a good baby! taking it easy and resting arent helping anymore so I’m doing what I can to find a dr who can help, and while she admits she doesnt know whats wrong she’s willing to help me find out.  she’s really a great dr, or nurse or whatever, and Dean and I both trust her. I know she’ll send me elsewhere if she runs out of things to rule out.
Please pray for me and our family as we go through this yet again trying battle with my health. I’m scared and I know Dean is having a hard time since he keeps having to miss work and feels bad he cant do more to help me.  If we had the money we’d hire a nanny, that’s how bad I feel these days.  I dont want others to take care of my kids and it makes me angry I cant do it on my own but I cant pretend anymore, not today at least. Maybe after some more sleep tomorrow will look a lot better!
