Wisdom from my walk

Zeke is rolling, or trying so hard to!   He is currently on his side and stuck.  Earlier he got on his tummy and then got mad!  It’s so exciting!   Caleb and I just made some cookie dough, oatmeal chocolate chip…mmm!

This morning the youngest 2 and I went to church for a meeting, while there Bo enjoyed playing w/ my van keys.   So we got in the car, and on our way to go get Caleb from school, after getting out of the parking lot I saw the trunk open light. I was going to pull over after I got through the light/intersection but then the trunk opened and everything fell out onto the road.  Thank God no one was behind me!  So my double stroller, pack and play and Bo’s inflatable pool toy were in the road!   Some nice(and nice looking! 😉 ) guys were already on the way to the van w/ my stuff by the time I got pulled over and on my way to retrieve it.  I was so embarassed!  I was glad I didnt have to get it all back in the van myself, mostly because traffic was busy and it would have taken me at least twice as long as it did w/ them helping.   Next time I’ll shut the trunk immediately!

A realtor is coming over tonight, to discuss how much the house would sell for, what and when repairs we should make, and about how relocation works as far as selling this house.  No news on the job front though, Dean’s waiting to hear still.  Well my cookies need checked, just wanted to share our adventure for the day!

we had closing on our refinance today.   I was hopeful as the process so far had gone well and we were more informed…but, we still feel like we got screwed.  We showed up and found out it was going to cost us an add’l $800.  we’re debating not going through with it.  We signed the papers but we have 3 days to change our minds.  I’m upset, frustrated that this happened, again.   It really was the loan officer’s fault, we did our best to make sure things would go the  way they should today but their mistake is making us rethink the whole thing.  if we didnt need the cash that we were going to get back then we wouldnt hesitate to not go through with it.  But the sad part is we do, we were banking on this month.  I cant believe we let this happen again.  We should have just dealt w/ the higher ARM rate and higher monthly payment until we were able to sell the house and move.   I’m still thinking that might be a better idea than finishing this deal.

In other news it’s just been a crappy day.   I had a drs appt, showed up and was told I owed $150 in copayments so couldnt be seen without paying.  Needless to say I dont have $150 today, and only went knowing I wouldnt have a copay to pay.    Did I mention I got a letter a few weeks ago saying I’d paid the highest allowable amt.  so I dont have to pay copays anymore for any of my drs visits for the rest of the year.  Too bad it doesnt cover those old appts.  it’s their own fault for not collecting it at those visits, I had no idea to know I owed them til months later when I got the bill.     So I wasted gas going there, they could have called and told me to expect that or at least told me when I made the appointment.

I’m grouchy, tired and there’s tons of stuff to get done since the realtor is coming tomorrow evening to talk with us about our options.   I just want to go to bed…it wont happen for hours and hours, there’s just too much to be done.  Dean was home all day and the house looks like crap, that happens when I leave him home alone with the kids.   I left him to go to the appt, that didnt happen so I went to the store, the drycleaner and then came home and cut the grass and cleaned up the outside so it’s got some more “curb appeal!”  So he stayed inside w/ the kids since he’s been having really bad back pain since yesterday.   Now I have all the stuff to do that was on my list when I thought Dean would be up to helping out today.   I hate days like today.   it’s just another manic monday….

This is amazing, can it really be true?  kind of scary… to think that something like that could happen, what if they had planned on that being their last child…ugh!

I spent the day trying to give things away, that’s right GIVE THEM AWAY!!  I got sick of trying to negotiate prices and pick up times w/ folks so instead I posted on freecycle and Criagslist to come get the rest of the stuff for FREE.   You’d think this would be easy, but it’s not.  it was just as hard as trying to sell it.   In the process a moderator on Freecycle got mad at me for double posting by mistake, by mistake because their site sucks.   Needless to say after 2 more emails from that moderator and another telling me the other person was too busy and “dealing with a lot” I chose to leave the Yahoo group and wont use it any more.   I mean, I understand what “dealing with a lot” is, heck that’s my life most of the time but it’s no excuse to be mean, to strangers at that for a simple mistake.
Ugh…despite that one rude person today, I met quite a few nice folks through my “free for all”  It was kind of cool actually.    One of the last to come tonight was a woman who happened to be wearing a School for the Arts shirt.   I laughed immediately and told her my hubby went there, she came in to get some stuff from downstairs, while down there I told Dean she went to BSA and as she was leaving he ran up and asked her some questions, turns out they remembered each other.  it was funny.   A family who came earlier had 2 boys and the mom mentioned to Dean something about our kids names, about the ABCDE of our names, she caught it when she saw the banner on my webpage.   No one evers gets that til we explain it, so that was neat.   We talked to them for a little bit as well.

Earlier in the day a lady came for something I was selling, but she had a hard time getting here, finding an atm and I didnt have change for her $20(she owed me $10) so I gave her what she came for and also one of the boys bikes, just the other day Dean complained that we had too many bikes/ride on toys outside.  So when she walked up the driveway she commented on the bikes and how nice the yard was for the kids, she had a 2 2 1/2 year old boy with her, so I let them take one of the bikes that the boys dont ride that often.   Ironically, Bo didnt want them to take it, so as we stood in front of the house by their car talking some more, we talked a lot actually for strangers, that’s always cool, but anyway…so while we talked and before we had the bike loaded in her car, Bo came over and pushed the car up under our biggest tree to hide it.  When I went to go get it he came back to take it from me, he may not ride it often but he knew it was ours and didnt want them to take it, I reminded him of his bikes so he went to find one of those as we loaded up the bike for her son.

a friend of mine came over for something I had listed and stayed to chat for a while, that was fun too!   Tomorrow a couple is coming to pick up some things for their grandkids.   I know we could make money on some of the things if I put more time into but # 1 I want things gone so we can work on painting the basement and #2, we’ve been so blessed by people giving things to us I thought it only fair to return the favor to others.     it’s a win win really.

I just wish that darn moderator hadnt made me so angry! oh well I know I did something nice today even if she didnt.

Aaahhh!  My life will soon get a lot harder.   Zeke is laying playing w/ a toy and he’s almost rolled completely onto his stomach!!   He keeps rolling to his side and then back again.  it’s nuts!   For the last 3 + months it’s been pretty easy adjusting to a baby, he sleeps or just lays around, he rarely cries, unless it’s  been way too long since he’s eaten but most times we feed him before he gets that mad.    I kept thinking in 6 months, Bo will be 2 and there’s a good chance Zeke will be walking, both the other 2 boys walked at 9 and 10 months.  I better get in shape if I want to keep up w/ two toddlers!   I’m excited to Zeke roll, for a while I worried since all he did was sleep, but he’s making up for it just fine!

Another milestone, Bo has slept in a toddler bed all week!   Last time we tried to move him from the crib(we had one for him and one for Zeke so it wasnt an issue of needing the crib)   it was too hard because he wouldnt be quiet or stay put and it drove us and Caleb nuts.  So I thought we’d try the transition when we wouldnt have to deal with how it would affect Caleb.  Day one was a little iffy but since then it’s been great.  he sleeps there for nap and at bedtime stays put too.  the catch of course is the same as it was when he was in the crib, he thinks if the bedroom door is open he can be awake, so that made it hard to do w/ Caleb because Caleb hates the door shut.   So, as long as we get back to putting Bo in bed about 30 minutes before Caleb, giving Bo time to fall asleep w/ the door shut then we can put Caleb to bed and keep the door open and put a gate so Bo cant go too far.  I’m hoping it’s as easy once Caleb gets home, the biggest issue will be w/ Caleb since I moved his bed, all of the other places for the toddler bed left Bo sleeping rihgt next to electrical outlets and so his bed is in the only safe place for him.  I like the layout of the room now but Caleb is used to sleeping up agains the wall and now he cant.  so we’ll see.

Speaking of Caleb, we get to see him tomorrow!  I imagine he’ll seem even bigger and grown up to us since he’s been gone for a week.   All my boys are growing up, what am I to do?!?

I miss Caleb!!  He called me 3 times yesterday, I asked if he wanted to come home and he said no.   This pic was taken last week, before we cut his hair.  Although one thing I dont miss is him waking me up  early and  asking what we are going to do today all day long.   So instead I’ve been lazy, barely leaving home w/ the little ones just because I’m sick and now Bo is too.   Bo’s been sleeping til 9 most days, but Zeke is another story…..

Zeke likes to wake up around 6:30ish, eat and play for a few hours, then go back to sleep around 8 or 9.   He doesnt cry or anything, not after we feed him when he first wakes up, but instead he kicks and laughs and looks around the whole time.    But how could him waking up that early make me mad, I cant believe how in love I am with him.  with all of my boys.   I look at each of them and wonder how anyone couldnt love all of their children the same.  I honestly love them all, and for all different reasons.   Zeke may be my early riser, Caleb is always soon after, and Bo’s the lazy sleeper in, but all of them make me smile with the way they greet me each morning.  Zeke always grins and laughs, Bo gives hugs, and Caleb well it’s usually different, most times he will come in and tell us he slept good or about a dream he had, always something that makes Dean and I laugh.  they are all different and I love them so!

There are a lot of things I want in life, for me and my family. Sometimes it’s material things that really dont matter, but I want them anyway. I dont work, and havent since Caleb was about 18 months or so. That means money is tight sometimes on one budget. I’ve said it before that I really am not in love with and most days dont like our house. but it worked out well for us when we moved here, and it kept the house in the family, we bought it from Dean’s parents who had been renting it since they moved to Ohio. We’re meeting with a realtor on Tuesday evening to discuss selling the house and possibly moving to Ohio, Dean should hear more about the possible job transfer next week. I am excited at the prospect of a home I can pick out and take the time to make our own as opposed to what happened when we moved into this house. But the more I think about it, this house isnt that bad. There’s lots of room and we’ve made it our home. Each room is decorated the way it is because I choose to make it that way. I am afraid no one will want to buy this house, which I often refer to as a peice of crap house. In reality we chose this house, even when it was roach infested(and took 3 visits from an exterminator to rid of), carpets full of filth including dog feces, holes in the walls, several still wet from water leaking into the basement carpets and rugs that stunk to high heaven, and a myriad of other things that to me made the house unlivable. If social services had stepped one foot in this house when the family that was living here did I am sure they’d do something drastic to remove the child from the conditions. at the time we had a one month old, I was recovering from a c-section and all Dean could see was what we could do with this house. All I could see were the roaches and damage. Weeks later and now years later, this is our home, there are still rooms that make me cringe, ones I was just trying to fix up today but the fact is our house is our home, and it’s much better than it was 4, almost 5 years ago now. The fact that I am bothered by things doesnt mean some other stars in their eyes couple/family will see the same potential that Dean saw, this time though they wont have to look past all the stuff we did. So maybe the house isnt hopeless after all…..

what go me really going to be about is the free chest freezer we got yesterday.   I love craigslist, seriously.   I’ve been using it to sell some things, which is always good, but we have gotten so much nice free stuff off it.  The free patio set, the free swingset, and now a free chest freezer is great condition!   It makes me realize how blessed we are.   We know we are blessed to make it with my not working, but every now and then we get more blessings, and even if they are material things, they are reminders that God provides, even for things we dont necessarily need.  That he sees and knows our dreams and our hearts desires, and no matter how trivial He provides.   So I’m hopeful that there’s a dream job for Dean in Ohio and I’m even more hopeful there’s ahouse with everything I desire waiting there for us and our used but new and either cheap or free belongings.   We’re blessed and I know if this move is meant to be the peices will fall in place like they did when we came here, just a little more smoothly this time would be nice!!