Wisdom from my walk

update: car is still not working after a new battery and new alternator.   it will have to go to a  mechanic on Monday I suppose.  Now we are working on getting the van up to par so we can safely go out!  Geez…..slowly all of our money to fix the house is slipping out of our hands (ie. bank acct!)   So much for our big dreams on getting the house in shape to sell or at least enjoy!

or even better why it’s good to talk to your neighbors!  Last night Dean was talking to one of our neighbors about how the cars were both having problems.  He said he could ask his cousin to come help us this morning.  Around 8:30, Dean was still asleep and me still in pjs when the guy showed up.  He is replacing the alternator in our car as I type, all we had to pay for was the part $2++.00.  He wont let Dean give him money for his time and work!   He said the van is driveable and that what is leaking is part of the a/c system but that he’s never worked on that before so I am thinking we’ll take it to jiffy lube today as they are open til 5 and I think they could at least confirm that it’s driveable and maybe just replace a broken hose or whatever it needs.  Hoping and praying it’s that simple!!  So with any luck we’ll have one if not two fixed vehicles today and can head out to do the things we needed to this weekend.

one thing we have to do today is go get a new cell phone.   We had a huge incident w/ Boaz this week, lets just say I had to call poison control, it was scary.   So I already felt like a horrible mother for not keeping a better eye on him, even though I knew where he was the whole time I just didnt see what he had….anyway…so Bo likes to play w/ our microwave.  He’ll put his sippy cup inside of it and open and shut the door.  I always watched him and never has he been able to turn it on.  Until yesterday….I was watching the whole event take place. I had seen him put his sippy cup as well as calebs in the microwave, but was busy w/ Zeke.   When all of the sudden I heard him hit a key and the microwave started, darn buttons that automatically set and start for you to make popcorn….well I jumped up and within the 5 seconds it took for me to get from here to there and shut the door and realize it was hissing, which I thought was odd beacuse the sippy cups shouldnt get ruined in the microwave….when I opened the door and saw the problem.  our cell phone was in there!!!   Needless to say it will not work ever again.   Bo has been more than a handful lately and keeps getting into trouble, I am sure Caleb did at this age too but it was just him and I could keep up with him, but with Bo it’s hard to feed Zeke, change diapers or do anything w/ Bo because he is always getting into trouble!     I dont know what we are going to do to keep him from getting to the microwave but we need to do something soon!   if the kid didnt know how to move any peice of furniture that is movable then we’d be fine, but he will move anything he can stand on to get up onto the counters, the sinks, anything he wants to get into.   no matter how fast I am it’s usually too late to avoid some mishap.   Oh the joy of having boys…

I am so fed up with having the worst luck in history!!! Both of our cars are still not working. We took our sonata to the shop on Wednesday, they called at the end of the day yesterday said it needs a battery before they can do anything and we werent about to pay them to install something we could do ourselves so last night we went and put a new battery in. End of day today, 5:30 p.m. they call, said they cant look at it til Monday!!! we could have taken it elsewhere and had it fixed by now. Needless to say we went to pick it up and it barely made it home, we’re guessing it needs an alternator. Dean is hoping to replace it himself maybe w/ the help of a friend this weekend. Meanwhile while waiting on Dean at Auto zone the van starts smoking again. It’s leaking freon, again. this time in much bigger amounts than it had been. none of the interior gauges show that it is overheating but something is definitely wrong. we dont want to keep driving it and it just break down on us. so we’re housebound til we figure out what to do with one or both vehicles. I am hoping jiffy lube can fix the van tomorrow as they are one of the only shops around us open tomorrow and I looked and it says they do some radiator things so pray that they can help us. we were heading to home depot tonight to get some things to continue working on house repairs, right now that is all on hold til we figure out what to do about our vehicles, there may not be money left to fix the house after the car repairs. I’m pissed and yet Dean continues to play the optimist card, I just want to slap him. I am just done being sick and having so many ridiculously stressful things happen all around me. I just want to relax and enjoy life but I cant even enjoy my family becuase I feel so bad. I am not in the best mood and forgive me if I cant be optimistic. BAH!

gotta go clean up throw up…Bo got too upset about having to go to bed and threw up all over his room.  God I need a vacation!!

I really agree that there should be other camps other than ones you have to shell out mega bucks for that arent religious.  But…I dont know if I’d send my kid here.   It is good that there are options I suppose but the fact that this is a new group, w/in the last 10 years, is proof that folks are still looking for answers, even if they want to choose not to believe they are still choosing to believe in something, even if it’s nothing.  Hope that makes sense.   I would definitely want my kids to make the decision about religion that is right for them and hope to not push our beliefs on them.  I want them to believe what they do because they do not because Dean and I do.   but I dont look forward to having to actually deal with it when the time comes, hopefully by then I’ll be more prepared!   I wish I had had a chance when I was younger to explore other ideas but our church at the time and the same church today is very unaccepting of thinking outside of the box.   its their way or no way.    I hope we never make our kids feel that way.   I’m sure the day will come and I hope we can do our best to not hinder their faith.   I’m glad as an adult I am able to choose what is right for me and my family and know we can consider others ideas and be willing to accept and even sometimes agree with others thinking even if it’s not right for us.

It feels like a Monday!  Dean stayed home this morning to go to the dr for his ongoing back pain that was getting unbearable.  I took Caleb to school then came home and Dean left shortly after in our Hyundai to go to the dr.  he got home, then we piled in the car to take Dean to work.  We were all in the car and it wouldnt start.   He jumped it by taking the battery out of our van, since we couldnt move the van because it was in front of the hyundai in the driveway.   After that attempt neither the car nor the van would start!

the last few days I noticed the van had been having some smoke coming out from under the hood right after I’d start it. I kept forgetting about it but yesterday when we were out Dean noticed it smoking.   So we were planning to drop the van off at the shop today to find out what was wrong with it…but then today the hyundai died.  A friend came over for us to jump the car and van so that we could get at least one of them to the shop to get fixed.  So currently our hyundai is in the shop as it’s in most need of fixing since the van works most of the time but the car has stalled more times than not lately when trying to start it.  So now we wait.  It figures we have extra money that we were planning on fixing up the house with but now we are going to have to fix both vehicles.  this is always what happens, thus why repairs that have needed done around the house always end up waiting since the cars always break down when we have money, I guess it’s better than them breaking down when we dont have the money to fix them.  Geez…in other news Dean and I are both still suffering from horrible back pain, we think we need a new mattress.   Dean got some new meds today and if it doesnt help he’s going to try physical therapy.  I”m used to my back acting up but it’s been so bad this week!  I should have tried to see my dr today but once I thought about it the cars werent working.   Wasnt I just complaining the other day about how much my life sucks sometimes?  it’s one of those days!!   pray the car repairs arent too costly and that Dean and are feeling better soon!

more proof I over did it yesterday…my back hurts so badly I cant stand up straight.  I spent the morning running errands w/ the boys, I had to get lunchmeat and Bo needed shoes that fit him, then we picked up Caleb, so starting off the day tired then running….getting kids in and out of the car again, between that and doing so w/ 4 kids yesterday, has screwed up my back.   I’m hoping to get Bo down for nap, feed Zeke, then lay in my room watching a movie w/ caleb and hoping we both can fall asleep til Bo gets up.  Then we’re taking Zeke to the dr this afternoon since I couldnt take him yesterday and he’s congested and wheezing.   Our house feel freezing when you come in from outside but it’s only 79 degrees in here!  but compared to the nearing 100 temps it’s great!  i dont know how folks live w/out a/c, esp. on days like today and with babies.  Zeke was already wheezing, we went out and he was screaming he was so miserable.   gotta run if I want to nap soon!

or how Amy suffers after doing too much, I like to call it “why my life sucks”; whatever you call is it’s horrible.   For a while now, maybe even a year or two, I’m guessing maybe since I had meningitis even but at least for the last year it’s been the worst, that after trying to have a day, a normal day, one where I do do do and actually feel like I accomplished something day, normally days when I do my best to overcome how crappy I feel when I wake up and still manage to get tons done, well by the end of that day I’m done.   Physically done.   To the point where I dont have the energy to eat dinner even.   I’ve had a lot of those days lately.  So last night Dean took the kids out to play, for a little while I tried to do some chores outside but realized I coudlnt keep going.  I came in laid on the couch and was asleep in less than a minute I”m sure.   I got up eventually to help get the kids in bed but never really did much the rest of the night.   This morning I awoke in pain and so tired, almost like I hadnt slept at all.   I should be used to this, not having the strength and energy to keep up but for a while it had gotten a little better, or maybe I just had gotten better at organizing my day better so I’d do things and rest, but the last few days, ok week, have been days where I am going all day non stop.   My body cant keep up, and I hate to give in.   but here I am today in serious need of sleep because I once again overdid it.  I feel so old.  I should be able to do things and not feel so crappy afterward and esp. not for so long afterward.   I think it might be time to check back in with my dr, but I really dont want to.   I just want to feel good!!  at least if I do go I wont have to pay, I paid off almost all of our medical bills yesterday, would have done more but the kiddos woke up from nap and it’s hard to be on the phone w/ Bo always getting into trouble!  guess I”ll work on that today, right after I plan Calebs birthday party, do the laundry, clean the house, tend to the kids, run errands. Yeah I dont know why I’m so tired!   I want a nap…..or I’d settle for sitting poolside but I cant manage it with all three kids alone.  Summer kind of sucks when you dont get to go swimming ever.   Caleb and Dean go all of the time at the neighbors pool but someones got to watch Zeke and I dont like to hang out at the drunk neighbors house even if he does have a pool.   So maybe next year when Zeke is able to enjoy it maybe I will figure out how to manage them all at the pool or beach by myself.  I tried to get Dean to call in sick today but he’s got this thing called work ethic and told me I need to do my job even when I dont feel good.  He’s lucky I wasnt in the mood to tell him that I do that 100% of the time.  That most days I dont feel good yet i do do do but why argue with him, truth is I am not allowed to feel bad and get a break.  this is my plot in life, to feel crappy and figure out how to manage home kids and whatever else by myself all day.   Arent you glad you arent me?  (thanks for listening to me complain – sorry if you made it this far, this post really was just for me to vent, sorry for depressing you!)