Glad I’m almost done my homework this week, cause looks like I have a lot of research to do. Joe Boyd has gone and confused me and I am not happy not feeling like I know why I believe what I believe other than as Jim Zartman wrote about, those darn Left Behind books, and years of brainwashing in the A/G church. I thought it interesting Jim’s blog even mentions something I’ve felt I’ve had to do for years to get to where I am today. Jim states, “This whole story is a great example of how reactions can become ideas that turn into theologies that become accepted as truths. That is why so many things have to be unlearned as well as learned.” I have spent years unlearning so much already, never thought I needed to rethink this one! Will I ever have a firm leg to stand on when it comes to my faith? Seems like it’s been a long process of unlearning and re-learning, will it ever end?
Currently reading a book for Restoration Movement History class and the more I read the more I realize I’m more Protestant than any other religion I’ve ever thought but also think I still need to work this thing out some more. I received my first communion in an Episcopal church, which I’d love to re-visit the beliefs of as I remember that I loved going to church during those days of my life. We went on to attend an Assemblies of God church from the time I was 9 or 10 til I graduated high school. That church messed me up more than I can even explain. The only thing I thank God for is the fact that I do believe in the gift of speaking in tongues and know it’s one of my gifts. My prayer time wouldn’t be the same without it.  This is something I am firm in my belief of. I believe in the Trinity, and it took me a long time to agree to it, but I also think immersion is scriptural. I refused to give in to the pressures while at the A/G church to get baptized by immersion because of their flawed reasoning for doing so. It wasn’t until we attended the Vineyard and I learned more about it and discovered for myself what it meant to me, that I decided to get baptized, and was blessed to be able to have Dean be the one “dunking” me.
Now I believe in eternal life and often get by some days on the simple hope that one day I’ll have a pain-free body, because if not for that hope I don’t know how I’d manage.  But rapture? Well I thought I knew what I believed, but Joe’s gone and questioned that with his blog post. I’m so grateful to be a part of a community that allows us to question our faith and seek out the truth for ourselves, without tying us to a “denominational” do or die mentality.
We attended a Baptist church for a while, but after attending their classes to become members did I realize I wasn’t willing to accept all of their doctrines as my own.  I don’t know where I’d fit in if I had to choose a set denomination, but I hope to one day know!! Grateful I get to go to a college that is helping educate me towards this goal as well. I just hate feeling like I’ve grown up in the “church” and yet I feel like I don’t know the most important things.  I’ve always hoped loving others, loving God and doing my best was enough. But I know there’s more to my life than that, or is there?  Can we simplify it so much that we don’t know what we “really” believe? Or is the problem that we over think things so much, based on misinformation that we simply risk the freedom we are supposed to have?
