On Tuesday we had decided after talking to our counselor about our current money situation that we could get by without my working. Yesterday I got two calls for interviews from when I sent out my resume over 2 weeks ago! So I figured I’d see how it goes, I mean I’d rather live comfortably than just getting by. So I called the lady back that I was supposed to meet w/ last week about watching Caleb but since a week had gone by and I hadnt gotten back with her, cause of spending most of last week in the hospital w/ my brother and then being too busy to call til yesterday, she had already taken on an infant and had no more openings. So at first I told myself the call about a job interview was my sign to go back to work, and surely the second call was to reinforce that point. So does the fact we dont have daycare mean I continue to stay home or does it just mean that that wasnt the person who was supposed to become our daycare provider??? So many questions, and no one has answers.
I want to support us financially but I also want to be able to keep being the glue that holds our household and family together too. I know women do both all of the time but I barely get me time now, I am sure w/ working and then coming home to the baby will be even worse. It’s such a tough choice. We have a month before our mortgage is due since we just settled on the house so it’s not like we wont be okay, but we really have a horrible car situation, the lack thereof, which I think would make it harder for me to get a job, but Dean said to worry about that when and if I get a job. Somedays I just hate being an adult. And its even harder to think about going back to work after I just cuddled w/ my son and watched him as he fell asleep in my arms! He’s grown so much in the last week, physically and mentally, and being here to see it was amazing. But in the same respect, I’ve been here for his first step, his first word, so it’s not like theres many more firsts of the first year to see but still….argh! I wish someone would just tell me what to do! Neither Dean or I think its good for Caleb for me to work, but we also know its not good to be this close to not being able to pay bills. But as I always say, people do it with a lot less money than we have, so whats our problem!
