We’re reading this book for our moms group this year and I was very excited about it. Now everytime I read it I feel guilty. One of the main points of the book is that we have a “mission” from God and that he designed motherhood to be a certain way.  that this design has not changed eventhough our culture has. I’m ok w/ most points so far as I already do most of what it says is God’s design for motherhood(although if I were a working mom I’m sure I’d be offended and wish that she didnt make me feel guilty about my choice to work outside the home.) but I told Dean today that its making me feel guilty that we choose and even medically intervened to NOT have any more children. I struggled w/ the decision to begin w/ for the same reasons she states in the book, that it is God’s plan that men and women in a marriage relationship “be fruitful and multiply” she goes on to state that our culture has strayed so far from this that we even use birth control and abortion to protect our “design” for our lives and not God’s.
As a woman who medically probably shouldnt have kids I still am feeling guilty about our choice to use medical intervention to prevent us from getting pregnant.   I dont know that this is addessed in the bible at all. I often wonder what happened before technology was so advanced, and I’m guessing thats why there were a lot of still births and/or maternal deaths after/during childbirth.  So are we wrong to protect our own lives by making this decision and is our selfishness a sin in God’s eyes? i’ve always felt guilty about the choice we made and now that I’m reading this book I feel even worse. What makes it worse is that each month I endure physical pain (worse pain than I had after recovering a c-section, all 3 of them put together even) and some times are incapable of getting through the day w/out Dean’s help because of said pain because I am NOT pregnant.(seeing a dr about the irony of that next month)  its when I am feeling so crappy I think “if I had gotten pregnant this month I wouldnt feel so bad right now” but the truth is I would, not in a painful way but in other ways because pregnancy for me is always unhealthy.  it just seems like everything around me is screaming that I messed up and we should consider having more kids, but I know it’s too late.   (well for me to get pregnant by dean that is, I am still able to get pregnant but um..that would be a sin too! ;-) )
why is that we as mothers can feel so guilty about so many things, that we never seem to make the “right” choices? I guess it’s just one of those things she also talks about in her book, how men and women were created different. dumb dna.
I feel the same way about the book, although I don’t feel guilty, it pisses me off. Don’t let what SHE believes is the right thing to sway you from your decision to not have more kids. You know what you are able to handle and that is YOUR decision. What kills me is that when people say things against birth control or surgery they imply that we somehow can stop or control God’s plan for our lives. HELLO?!?!?! Like birth control can stop God from doing what He thinks is right? Duh. Idiots.
Honestly, I’ve read one and a half chapters and I think the book is a waste of time. There are things that she says that make sense, but the overall feeling of judgement for our culture and for those women who are working makes me want to strangle her. And I’m not even a working mom!
God gave us brains, different personalities, and lots of other stuff that we are supposed to use to make choices in our lives. We have the freedom of choice in our lives (I am not speaking to abortion here, just so ya know, I’m speaking about the overall freedom of choice from God). That means that we use the Bible, our own intelligence, prayer, advice from wise counsel, and *gasp* even our culture to help us navigate through this life. In some ways our culture forces the mother’s hand when it comes to working outside the home. People can’t always afford not to. And that doesn’t mean that those women are bad mothers…or that they are operating outside of God’s design for their lives. It means that they are putting food on the table and putting clothes on their kids. Sheesh. Not to mention that God’s design is that we are all able to live a healthly life and raise kids who love Him and who are respectful and able to live a long healthy life in this world. Whatever women have to do to achieve that in their lives is fine by me, and I think it’s fine by God.
Ok, I’ll step off the soap box now. This just gets me really riled up. Can you tell?! 🙂
Take heart Amy, and remember that just because something works for someone else does NOT mean that it SHOULD work for you. We are all different and require different things in our life to make sure we are healthy individuals and therefore, good moms. 🙂
Amy – Sarah is right on – do not let that the writings and beliefs of one person sway a decision that no doubt you and Dean made together that you clearly decided would be best for you and your family. What good would it be to have another child and no mother for the 3 you have today? And by golly, if God really wanted you to have another child – he will give one to you (maybe not even from your womb).
You are a wonderful mom and those boys get glimpses of God through your life daily!