Last night Dean and I finished up some paperwork that needed done before the meeting w/ the school on Thursday, at which we’ll find out their decision about whether or not he is eligible for services through the school.   I had done most of the questions myself, but wanted to go over them w/ Dean to make sure I didnt leave anything out.  one of the questions was “does your child cause physical harm to himself.”  Yep..he will bite himself when he’s mad and if theres no one else to bite.   “does he hurt others”  Yep…and today he took it out on me.  He bit me above my elbow on my arm.   he took a nice big chunk of flesh and chomped down because he was mad at me….mind you I was trying to hold him and calm him down.   I immediately screamed and started to cry.  The pain was and still is horrible.  one of the things I’ve noticed since having fibromyalgia is that what would be normal pain for others is generally unbearable for me.  it’s been a while and my arm still hurts.  earlier my whole arm ached and stung from the pain(i get lovely pins and needles feelings sometimes too)  i put him in his room, and he thought my tears were pretend, and just kept laughing at me.   I couldnt yell at him, I was crying and a mess from the pain.  he still thought I was joking and kept laughing then started to hit me.   I finally put Zeke down for nap in his room and put the baby gate up so Bo cant get out of his room.   I dont care if he naps or not, he usually doesnt and I dont try to make him most days but today i cant deal w/ him.  he needs a time out and I need a break from him.  I hate to feel that way but as he laughed at my tears and real pain, I just grew so mad at him,knowing he’s just a toddler and it’s not his fault, but still……he needs to learn real punishment.  I’m hoping if I start being more strict he’ll learn that biting and hitting has real consequences, ones he doesnt like.   I just dont know what else to do w/ him somedays.   he’s a good kid, and Dean and I agreed on that last night.   He doesnt have real behaviour problems, most of his issues are due to his inability to deal w/ stimuli and/or voice his feelings appropriately and understandably.   I dont want to  make excuses for him, and I want to learn how to “fix” him but I dont think I can do it alone.    I am praying the school system agrees we need help and will accept him into the preschool, for free.  and really, we were having a great day…he’s doing great w/ potty training, and the “incident” was after he undressed himself and put himself on the potty and went pee.

I am physically drained right now, from the pain, and the emotions and the confusion on how to handle my child.   I have an appt next week w/ the specialist and I’ve got a lot of questions I’m hoping to get answers too…Dean’s off for Columbus day so I’m thinking of taking him w/ me.  but that means we’d have to take the boys w/ us too.

I’m done typing, he hurt my right arm and it really hurts as I type.  stupid pain.