Dean and I were able to actually attend and sit through (together)a service uninterrupted at church for the first time in well over a month. It was so nice to be with him there. The last two times I have gone alone, Dean has attended the early service and I and the boys the later so he could get to work on time.  The first time was horribly stressful on me and last time I got called in to help out in nursery half way through since I’m the leader and the helper who was there got sick. Next weekend we’ll be attending the first christmas eve service at church then working in nursery during the second service.   On Christmas day they are only having one service and we arent going to attend but instead will be having brunch w/ my fathers side of the family.
I tend to stress early about attending these kind of family things and it starts to show outwardly before I even realize why I am feeling the way I do.  the holidays and visiting my dad is always interesting and I start to stress about it without knowing why. this year as I sat in church worshipping one of the singers during a devotion like time told us to reflect on how God is our Father.  If anything about my faith I understand clearly is that for years I have clung to the hope that my heavenly Father will never leave or forsake me. That HE is my constant.   Turns out that is what the message was about today, reminding us that God is our unchanging always present and caring Father. that if you take every thing positive you can think of about what a good Father would be that wouldnt begin to sum up who our Heavenly Father is.   oddly I didnt need this reminder this week.  I have recently decided that I will not let this stress me out anymore.   A mere man will not cause me to ruin my weeks/days and times of celebration with family I love because of the fear and stress I face when dealing with him.  I love my earthly father, he is just that though, for years I have clung to the realization that no matter what I have a Father who loves me and who is always there for me despite my flaws, lineage, or just about anything, that fact and that fact alone is what draws me to my God time and time again. When I start to get stressed and life overwhelms me and all i want is to run into my fathers arm and feel loved, I know I can get that, not with any man on earth but with someone much greater who has much more love for me than I can ever know.  I only hope that this holiday season I can show HIS love to my extended family and friends and instead of showing and feeling stressed over things I have no control over that I can continue to have Faith and Hope in my Father to take care of everything. so ok maybe i did need a little reminder this week, but dont we all now and again?
I thought it interesting that today as I thought of fathers I thought of the one father in my life who is doing an amazing job lately, my wonderful hubby. We’ve had a very stressful month or so. financially it will continue to be for a little while, and health wise who knows what to expect from the rest of the flu/winter season or pregnancy at that.  through it all he’s put up with my complaints and he works 7 days a week to make sure we have money to make the holidays special to our kids as well as to make up some fundage to make the two car situation work out.   He’s only got one more extra day to work this month, christmas eve at the tree lot.   Today as i talked to him before he left there to come home I realized how relieved I am that this month is almost over. I’m so spoiled to have him here after his comfy schedule of 8-5 M-F.  that after next weekend he’s all ours again. not that we do anything special on weekends per se, but just being together as a family, and well not feeling like a single parent 24/7 is helpful too. I know he will probably have to work events off and on to make some extra cash when we need it, but this month has really been hard. I’m sure if the kids hadnt been sick it wouldnt have seemed nearly as stressful, did I mention Bo is budding another new tooth, which I think is what kept us up every 2 hours last night? well point is, it’s important to me as a parent to do my best for our kids. that they grow up in a loving and safe environment, and that their needs are met. I couldnt do any of those things alone, my husband is an awesome father.  when I think of “good” fathers or positive experiences of seeing a father in action, I think of him. used to be I always looked at my FIL with awe and I still do , but as the kids get older I see in Dean the makings of a wonderful father, he is indeed following in the footsteps of his own father, earthly and heavenly, and I know my kids and I are blessed to have him in our family. so thanks honey and thanks diaz(and Donna too!) for raising such an awesome man of God and father in Dean.
Well said, girl. Amen!!