Blind Spots

You can’t lie to a massage therapist. You can tell him you didn’t eat that extra cookie after dinner last week, but your thighs don’t lie. You can tell him you aren’t stressed out over your in laws coming over for the holidays but the tension he feels in your neck tells him a different story. You may wear flats to your appointment, but the callouses on your feet show him that you wear high heels all day long. You can’t hide the bruises, the scars from past injuries, the cellulite – he sees it all.

Today I had the pleasure of enjoying an hour long massage thanks to a gift from a friend. It was just what I needed to relax and to ease my muscles. But I couldn’t help laying there and think that this stranger was going over parts of my body that my husband hasn’t even touched in a while. There’s nothing wrong with that, I would prefer people not to be touching my feet thank you!

We all have blind spots in our life. The parts of us we don’t want others to see, and those we try to hide from others. Yesterday I shared a big one that I could chose to hide from the world. One I’m choosing not to hide from. Today I chose to fight against it.

My life is a work in progress. Whenever you start the process of creating something new, there’s potential for messiness. I admit right now my work zone is messy. The canvas of my life has been a disaster for years, I’m sure you were nice enough not to mention it, but I’m not willing to gloss over it anymore. I know it’s going to take a lot of work to become the best version of myself. It won’t be easy. I know that on the other side of this mess, things will be better.

Today that meant doing a little yoga, going for a 5 mile walk with my favorite four pawed friend, and opening my heart in counseling with my husband. We learned a lot about what living with bi-polar means and it gave me hope. For 38 years I’ve struggled to cope with symptoms of a broken mind and body on my own. We’re slowly learning how to cope in healthier ways with this new information. I feel like I’ve been given a new  lease on life. It’s almost like I’ve been handed an owner’s manual to an appliance I bought 38 years ago – me! 

For the last 4 years I have tried through the use of healthy eating and exercise to manage and it wasn’t enough, because we weren’t fighting the right demon. We now can target our arrows in the right direction, take aim and ideally land them where they belong. I prayed for answers and while this is not the answer I ever expected, you can’t always get what you want. I’m grateful for a newfound hope and a supportive husband who never gave up on me despite the mess.

My goal now is to discover what works best for me and to be willing to be open to let others join me on my journey. I know that life is best when done with those who care for you. So thanks for joining me on this journey. I guarantee the view won’t always be pretty, but struggling in silence helps no one. When I share my story with others, and you yours, the world becomes a little less scary and we all start to look a little more normal.

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