Breaking Free

It’s the last day of 2013.  It’s time to sit down and reflect on the year gone past. This year you’ve likely followed my journey towards health on facebook, my blog, or in real life.  You know that a big part of this journey has been about casting off the baggage of years of bad habits.  The truth is this journey has been about a lot more than just poor eating and lack of exercise.

Earlier this year I was confronted with a harsh reality in my marriage. Addiction comes in many forms, and something I’ve feared came true in my own home.  This year not only did I break my addiction to food, but my amazing husband severed his own bonds and broke free of a major addiction that threatened the health of our marriage.*  Not many people know about this struggle, but we’ve been fighting an unseen battle for a long time.

Having the foundation of your marriage and home shaken makes you question what else in your life is not as solid as you once thought.  In attempt to regain control of the chaos in my life, I took the chance to hit the reset button on my life.  Looking back, I know that one struggle caused me to fight another.

I’d been coasting by for the last 15 years in the shadow of lies, told to me by the one person I trusted the most.  My self esteem took a sharp hit and I floundered under the weight of the pain.  This is not the me you see today when I post pictures.  I have let go of that pain and that person.

So how did I get from the deepest pit to standing on top of the mountain in just a few months? I locked arms with my husband, my Savior, and got on my knees.  I prayed for the strength to endure every day.  Eventually I asked for extra strength to conquer my food addictions.  I asked for more strength to learn to run. I asked for the strength to let go of bitterness and anger. I asked God to help me see the beautiful woman He created me to be.  Today the woman I am is not who I was a year ago, not even 6 months ago.  I will not be the same woman today that I was yesterday.

Sometimes it takes an earthquake to force us out of our homes so we can see the danger around us. This year we’ve had many things force us to rethink and re-prioritize our lives.  None of it was easy. A lot of it hurt more than I can ever explain.  Many of you don’t know that part of my journey this year.

I was too scared to share it with anyone because I didn’t want anyone to know how my heart had been broken by the person I love the most in the whole world.  The dust has settled and today I woke up and realized that my journey doesn’t end when I get to the mountaintop. There are lots of you down in the valley, struggling through unseen battles alone.  Fighting battles only you and God know about.  I encourage you to not do it alone.

I know our story isn’t unique. Marriages break and sometimes are irreparable. Today I want to tell a new story. A story of forgiveness, love, and grace.  A grace that helped us break not only the bonds of addiction, but to repair the brokenness it caused.

This year in addition to shedding 60 lbs from this weak vessel, I shed years of pain, brokenness, and despair. I claimed rights to the health, happiness, and joy that God was waiting to lavish on me.

I know that even as I anticipate great things in 2014, that there will be more tests, trials, and suffering.  It’s a given. Life is not easy.  When you see me posting my successes, know that each one was paid with a price.  I post my successes, and here my struggles, because I know that it’s hard. I want you to know that you too can break free from the past.  You can change your present and your future.  I’d love to walk alongside you on that journey.  It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

*If you want to know more about the struggle we faced this year, we’d be happy to talk to you about it.  We believe that stories have the power to transform lives.  We would love to share our story with you.