Last year Caleb, Bo and I went to Ohio for caleb’s birthday week.   While there I found out I was pregnant again.    This week is so different from that week last year, and soooo different from the week 5 years ago when we anxiously awaited Caleb’s birth.    I looked back at pics from that week and was amazed at how little Bo was.   Amazed that Zeke was just being formed inside of me and today here he is rolling across the floor of his bedroom!  I’m very not pregnant this year, I know you were worried about that weren’t you?  So no big suprises this year on Caleb’s birthday like that.

All of the boys are asleep, rare unless it’s after 8 pm so I’m not sure what to do.  I laid down for a bit, knowing I should seize the chance to rest while I can considering how I feel, but the phone rang.  I didnt want it to wake the kids so I ran to get it.   I didnt answer in time, I dont know who it was, it was a Va. number.   I feel guilty for the thought, but afterward as I thought about who it could be I sprang to the idea that it could have been Christ in action calling to have Dean go for hurricane relief but I dont know that there are currently any hurricanes brewing.    but I feel guilty for dreading the thought that if they did call I know he’d go!  Yes becuase he’d go, but more importantly I’m really struggling with my calling, and lack thereof of ministry involvement.  I so want to sell the house and find a full time ministry job for Dean and I and our family.    We’ve discussed it before and with the current situation we are in financially we could probably pull it off, the only issue is where to go, what to do and are we trained enough?   oh yeah, and will the kids survive!  About a year ago Dean mentioned if we could just sell the house and have nothing to tie us down, no mortgage no car payment, and just go and serve someplace we would.   Not that with three kids that that would be easy, but if we are thinking of selling the house even if Dean doesnt have a job to go to in Ohio just so we can get out from the rising mortgage payment, why not consider something like that.  Sure it’s risky and sure it would freak out a lot of folks but someone has to be bold and step out and do it!!   I’ve looked for opportunities online and cant find any we could do, apparently not having a degree keeps us from qualifying, you would think there’d be a need for folks to serve even w/out a college degree someplace, we’d just have to find that place.  it’s all talk or rather thoughts right now in my head, I’ve planted them in Dean’s head.  for years we’ve wrestled with what we think God wants from us and where he wants us, and I think we should focus on figuring that out before we sell the house, because His plan may very well not include Ohio at all.   In fact I think it would be someplace a lot farther than that, it’s just figuring that out.   I just dont know if we could do anything so bold w/ three little ones, but I’d love to at least give it a shot!!   just thoughts for now…so dont freak out…some of you are still freaking out about the non existent at this point job transfer to Ohio.   so chill….just talk/thinking/ but truth is be prepared for something big in the next year from the McKenzie’s, I’m sick of sitting around taking care of kids and being sick, I’m ready to stand up and have a life!!   I might die trying but at least I can say I tried to enjoy this life I was given!   😉