When I first moved to Ohio, I fondly referred to “home” as Baltimore. that’s where I’d been born and raised and wasnt until love took me away that I learned theres so much more to this big world. It took a while to adjust to my new home in Ohio but Dean’s family was always there and supportive. I fit in and they accepted me. After a while Dean and I started searching for a church despite our hurts and issues with our past experiences of “church” we found the cincy vineyard and fell in love with so many aspects of the community there. during our time there I led a life group, worked in nursery, worked on the awesome media team learning things I didnt even knew I loved til I did it and eventually were particpants in a great life group of young married couples. we found friendships and were able to overcome the issues we’d faced in the past as far as church goes. it was a time of growth individually and in our new marriage. I remember exactly where I sat that first time I sat in a service and felt Caleb move in my belly.
last night we had the blessing of being able to attend the cincy vineyard. I was emotional knowing we’d get to go, in past visits we always just went to everyone elses church during our visits. I was grateful to get to go back finally. Last night we sat there being in awe of the “vineyard” experience, something that we always loved and missed. As I sat there I felt Baby E move and had to wipe away tears as I looked over to the section of seats where I remember sitting and feeling Caleb move in my belly when pregnant with him. The message last night was great and throughout the night I was reminded that this is our home, that family and vineyard and so much else about our life here made Ohio my “home” and since we’ve moved back to baltimore we’ve often talked about coming back. Last night Dean even mentioned to a friend that in a year or so he might look for a job here to come back to live here. he’s always looked at the job ads here just in case there was something that would meet our needs and make it financially ok for us to move back. I know that if we did that I’d miss a lot about Baltimore, friends mostly. but I do miss this place. being here is always such an emotional deal for me, memories of a past life, life when dean and I werent married yet, then our wedding here, then our first apartment together here, having our first baby here. baltimore held for me a much longer past full mostly of hurts and pain, memories of Ohio are just of fond times of discovery, growth and most of all the love Dean and I were enjoying as newleyweds and that we were able to finally feel at a church after years of painful memories of church experiences. Life is amazing.
a year after high school graduation I moved away to this strange place in the middle of nowhere just to be with the man I loved. i didnt know anyone and had nothing to look forward to but our love. We built so much during our years here, so much that has shaped who we are. I dreaded this trip for so many reasons, and although I am still feeling crappy, I’m coming to realize I ‘needed’ this. this homecoming of sorts.
we’ve spent days just in community with family and friends. stayed up late playing games and doing life together. I know Dean loves being a part of this family here. Dean’ parents home is like none I know. they house men who are recovering addicts and theres always someone new. the newest guy arrived days before we did but you’d think he was a regular member of the family. every guy fits in perfect with everyone else, there’s no way to know who will be here or when or how long but it’s always amazing. I used to have problems knowing that we’d be staying here, not knowing these guys and bringing my kids here to stay with them. the guys here now, well I’ve met them before and my kids love them. they are like family. it’s been good for Dean I know to be here, besides my MIL and I this is a houseful of men. Seriously, right now including Dean and my FIL there are 6 men who live here this week and my two boys. I keep saying I’m outnumbered, but it’s not been so bad. It’s just so different. I admit I get sick of “guy” talk but I guess I can get a glimpse of what I can expect when my two boys(maybe 3 even) grow up and come home. this is what I hope our kids can have for their homecoming when they are young adults, a home filled w/ love for each other and others. currently my MIL is en route to the ER , she’s been having bad back pain. we’re all on our own for church this morning and are heading to my SIL’s church. who knows what today will hold for us but I do know that it will be interesting…well time to go…sorry if this is all incoherent. lots of thoughts going through my mind today…
