For as much as a med student pays to learn you think by the time they got to be a doctor they’d know it all. Doctors suck. Well, okay, yes I like my current doctors, but I hate getting sent home feeling as crappy as I did when I went. I was given RX’s for pain killers and muscle relaxers for my back and told to come back in a month. A month. thats a freaking long time to wait out back pain that is making it hard to walk. BLAH!!!!!!
She said I could have pulled it,I know I didnt pull it, heck I’ve been in bed for more than half of the last three weeks. She said that the spinal tap may have irritated my sacral something or another or it could have damaged a nerve but that the pain I was having seemed to her to be more muscular so nothing really to do but more rest and waiting. My life in a nutshell lately. Staying in bed waiting. Waiting for what?? The guy to arrive w/ our publishers clearing house check so we can pay bills and a sitter for caleb since I am sucky mom these days. More like waiting for 5 o’clock to roll around so Dean can get home and save me from having to try and fail at being a stay at home mom. Todays my day to babysit, but since I went to the dr and was miserable that didnt happen. Another week w/out extra cash. I told myself I would do it today no matter what, babysit. But I know that I can barely handle Caleb on my own these days let alone two more kids. We so need the extra money though. Right now theres nothing we can do. Dean cant work another job because I need him at home as is to take care of Caleb and we soo cant afford a nanny or even mothers helper.
I’ve very full of complaints today. Caleb gave me a rough time and wouldnt nap at all, until of course we get to Daddys work, he sees daddy and immediately falls asleep through the drive home, through being brought in the house, through our eating dinner and is still knocked out on the couch!! I need a nap like that. But right now I just want to be able to put away a little laundry in peace and maybe straighten the kitchen, if my back allows. But who knows. I’ll settle for the peace and quiet that I have right now, the little one gave me a run for my money today which was complicated by not being able to lift him or even hold him much. Which is probably why he was acting so horrible, because he wanted to be held and loved on and played with and yet again mommy couldnt do it.
Tomorrow night this horrible year will end. I am praying hard that w/ the new year comes a bright new start for us as a family and for my health. But I have little hope right now to back that up. If I dont come back here before then, happy new year!!
