Review of the weekend so far, well lets just say I am the worst hostess around. I cant help but be grouchy when our usually comfortably full house of the four of us in invaded. Not to mention I am already down in the dumps about myself so it’s hard to put on a happy face when I can barely muster up a smile for my gleeful son. Dean is feeling the pressure and I hate to make his visit with his mom bad, so I’ve resorted to spending the night pretending to be asleep in our bedroom so that no one sees how bitchy I get at this time of month. I swear I am having a cyst or else some other serious pain and I cant take it on top of all this lack of privacy in my own house. I hate to be a bitch but I know everyone in the house thinks I am today, why, because I chose to voice my opinion when I feel like I am getting stepped all over. My mother in law came back from being out most of the day and asked what I did and I couldnt help but answer w/ a snappy cleaned, took care of Caleb, cleaned, fed Caleb, cleaned up after everyone, fed Caleb, see a pattern here, damnit its Saturday, it’s supposed to be my day off , not that I mind caring for my son, it’s just sometimes a mom needs a break. Am I a horrible mom to need some downtime especially when there are tons of people around to babysit? Sorry everyone, yes, I am a bitch sometimes, and I dont care! Everyone deserves some time to a break, even if for a few minutes and I had to literally just leave my son in my mother in laws arms and go hide so people would get the point. I am scared to death to enter the living room and kitchen for fear of seeing the mess that I am sure awaits me, it’s a never ending job and sure I signed up for it, but I also signed up for a help mate way before that…..I think the real issue for me today is that I spent the day alone with my son, which was fine, but I’d sure love to spend one day a week w/ some adult interaction, and you’d think the weekend is when that would happen, but not in this house. I think Dean and I need some time by ourselves together, I think we’ll have to invest in a babysitter soon, but since we had such a lack of funds for entertainment and childcare it’s been out of the question but I think we had better get a break soon or I dont think we’ll make it to another date ever or maybe even worse…..Counseling this week was a joke, or at least I thought so, all I have to say is, dont go to couples therapy during a time when you have PMS because your husband will say how horrible you are and the dr will not appreciate your laughter as you listen to his complaining. Like I said, yeah sometimes I can be a bitch, but dont we all have those moments sometimes?
Let me not fail to mention my morning started off on the wrong foot to begin with. After showering and getting ready for the day I come out to the kitchen to see my son being fed oreo cookies, it’s not even 9 a.m. not to mention babies arent supposed to have chocolate. I was so pissed, it took everything in me to bite my tongue and walk away. Luckily he doesnt seem to be allergic to chocolate. And apparently some people dont know that babies shouldnt be fed chocolate or peanut products before one or even two years of age (if they are known to have problems w/ allergies). Okay, enough whining, maybe I will quit pretending and just go to be and pray I wake up in a better mood tomorrow.
