Well I think Dean got upset by my last few blogs, I didnt mean to imply he couldnt take of Caleb by himself, I just was trying to say that I know he must be having a hard time since he is sick and has to take care of all of us. He did decide to take Friday off too, the babysitter is still going to come in the morning, I told him he needs some time to rest himself since he’ll be doing baby duty for a few more days without help, unless I start feeling better. I was dumb enough to lift Caleb today, I couldnt resist. He can definitely sense something is wrong but that still doesnt help him feel comforted when he wants his mommy. But he is loving all the daddy time, today he went to the park with Dean and watched Dean fly his new kites. It was around 60 degrees today so it was a beautiful day to get out, but I just napped while they went out. And I broke into tears when Dean said Caleb loved the swing, it was his first time in a swing and I wasnt there! No its not that huge a milestone, and I glad he got a first with his daddy, but it just was hard on me, knowing they had such a good time while I sat drugged and in pain in bed. I’ve broken down and cried a few times the last few days, its not bad enough feeling bad but I hate not being there for my son or my husband , especially when they are both so sick too. I dont have much of a choice though.
I did manage to get out today though, we went to Walmart for a little bit. I dont know if that was such a good idea though, when we got back I noticed one of my incision sites looked much worse, it is now really swollen and bruised and I cant help but wonder if I had only listened to my mom and stayed in bed….but I hate doing that, plus it was SO nice out today. I hated being stuck inside even if we did have the windows open.
I feel really good right now, then again I took some medicine and fell asleep for a bit and now am wide eyed and looking at the clock to see that it is indeed bedtime and everyones in bed but me. Its nice to be feeling okay but I know that its only temporary, and its not like I can take advantage of this feeling since everyones in bed. So I thought I’d blog about how I was doing so no one would worry. My family keeps calling to check on me to make sure I am resting, and I am doing a lot of resting but like I said I cant just stay in bed. I am a neat freak and its hard to get out of bed to see toys scattered all over and dirty dishes, so I have at least tried to keep on top of the dishes, the toys are okay since I cant quite bend that well yet to pick them up, I kind of have just been kicking them off to the side of the room so no one trips over them. I was smart about freezing some meals earlier this week so we’d just have to heat things up, tonight we enjoyed a yummy lasagna!! It was so nice to not have to worry about dinner, just defrost and pop in the oven. And we didnt eat it all so we didnt even have to wash the pan, just put it back in the fridge for lunch tomorrow! And Stacey made lots of chili last night so we have leftovers of that too to eat.
Speaking of Stacey, before I forget, thanks!!! I feel like I am taking advantage of her being here, but it’s been great having her around to help out. It makes it a little easier on Dean if he can sit on the computer while we watch tv and know she can pick him up since I cant. I know she wants to help, but I cant help but feeling like we are abusing her presence, but I dont know what we would do without her these last few and next few days. I can sit and watch Caleb but if he needs something I cant much help. I’ve at least been able to enjoy feeding him his meals, as long as someone puts him in his high chair, so we do get some time together. But I cant hold him to give him a bottle or even change his diapers since he’s so squirmy. I will be so glad when this is all over, but I am sure there is something to be gained from this experience, I am just not sure what it is yet. Maybe it’s just to teach me I am not in it all alone, as it sometimes feels when you are in charge of a little one for what seems to be 24-7, when really Dean is here and does a lot to help, and so does Stacey if we ask. I guess I am just so used to doing it myself that it’s hard to accept Caleb will be fine if I cant always be there for him, which is a lesson I really needed to learn before returning to work, so maybe it’s a sign that when everything calms down I will be able to get a job and feel comfortable leaving him with someone else, but it sure is nice to be home with him and enjoying him all day. So lets not even think about that right now, we’ve being doing fine with me being home, financially that is, but it’s only been a few weeks. But some more good news we found out that our mortgage payment is going to be a lot less than what we had figured since the agent had rounded the numbers up when estimating so now that the numbers are just about set it looks like things will work out better than we thought. Well I guess I will try to get some much needed rest even if I do feel okay right now, after all I know that once I am better I wont be getting much rest, so I think I will take advantage of all this down time …..good night all!
